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Disclosing AFTER the fact

daisy

By daisy
in Disclosure (telling)

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daisy Newbie

daisy

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I've had HSV2 for 11 years. I've been dating a new guy for about five weeks and had every intention of disclosing my status to him last night. Unfortunately that's not the way things worked out and I ended up having sex with him instead. I'm on Valtrex in order to prevent transmission and we also used a condom. I'm not too worried that I've passed anything on to him, but I'm very upset with myself that the situation even occurred. I wanted to be open and honest with him and allow him to make an informed decision and instead I messed up what could have been a good relationship. I guess I'm interested in hearing from others who have exercised the same poor judgement and in finding out what is the best way to approach him. In my current state of mind, I feel like calling him crying and telling him what a horrible person I am. I'm sure that is not the best way to handle this situation, but am so consumed with what I've done that I'm not thinking straight.

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sleeplessinpdx Honeycomb Member

sleeplessinpdx

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I'm right with you on the whole "being consumed" part. I hate it when herpes becomes "THE" topic. And it ends up getting so inflated that sometimes people can't see past that and look at the whole picture.

How are you doing now? Did you tell him? Thinking about you...

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daisy Newbie

daisy

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I ended up becoming ill and am on antibiotics, so I haven't had a chance to speak to him in person (that's one way to avoid everything I guess). I'll probably end up telling him sometime this week. I'll let you know how it goes...

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chickypoo Honeycomb Member

chickypoo

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good luck! i have hsv 1 and im telling my boyfriend tonight, boy am i nervous! hopefully he will take into consideration i got it from my first time having sex:S good luck with you too

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  • 8 months later...
jeff301 Honeycomb Member

jeff301

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I've had HSV2 for 11 years. I've been dating a new guy for about five weeks and had every intention of disclosing my status to him last night. Unfortunately that's not the way things worked out and I ended up having sex with him instead. I'm on Valtrex in order to prevent transmission and we also used a condom. I'm not too worried that I've passed anything on to him' date=' but I'm very upset with myself that the situation even occurred. I wanted to be open and honest with him and allow him to make an informed decision and instead I messed up what could have been a good relationship. I guess I'm interested in hearing from others who have exercised the same poor judgement and in finding out what is the best way to approach him. In my current state of mind, I feel like calling him crying and telling him what a horrible person I am. I'm sure that is not the best way to handle this situation, but am so consumed with what I've done that I'm not thinking straight.[/quote']

i was recently in a similar situation to yours, however, i was on the receiving end. i was dating a girl who has herpes and was on Valtrex. She didnt think it was worth mentioning until after we had unprotected sex. well, as luck would have it, she passed it to me on that night. my relationship ended with this girl recently and the only thing i have to remember her by is the virus she gave me. This is by far the worst experience of my life. This is going to sound harsh, but you should be ashamed of yourself for having sex with him without telling him. He deserves the choice. This disease is not life-threatening, but its life-alterating. The longer you wait, the worse he is going to take it.

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ouch Platinum Support Member

ouch

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well said Jeff.

For Daisy....I too slept with my man "in the heat of the moment" (protected sex though and back then I never had outbreaks...when I did, they were miniscule). I told him IMMEDIATELY. I sat him down, with no drama and told him calmly and cooly and apologized and ate some humble pie. We had dated for a while, and never had the talk. My outbreaks were so minimal back then, that I started to question if I truly HAD herpes and if I had been misdiagnosed. (De-Nial was a BIG OLE RIVER in this house for a while there!) Nonetheless, I still felt guilty and told him. He was not mad at me, his attitude was awesome, and he had a "you play you pay" sort of attitude about it. But it was such a RELIEF for me to tell someone and to NOT be treated like a leper because of it. I am lucky things turned out so well, it could have very well turned out the opposite.

bottom line, I will NEVER do that again , should, god forbid, we ever break up. I don't like the way it made ME feel. I don't like the blight on my OWN intergrity. Sure there are going to be people who reject you and are afraid of you (or your herpes status) but it is up to US to be responsible and to tell a potental lover/partner/sex buddy/whatever. Maybe educate some folks out there. This guy might get very upset with you, so be prepared for it. Then again, he might be ok with things. You never know.

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