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Very, very mad. And sad.


vistan

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Hi all, I'm new and newly diagnosed as well!

I signed up after I knew for sure I had HSV-2. I've been reading about both strains before I was diagnosed so I was a little comforted that many people go through the same thing. I got the wonderful news today after coming home from school from Planned Parenthood. I kinda already knew I had it since they say "no news is good news". I didn't have bad symptoms but a painful bump that went away after five days, luckily I had my regular STI check up after a relationship. I'm pretty sure I got this from my ex boyfriend who is in denial and being pretty nasty about it. I foolishly slept with him without condoms most of the time and had the nagging feeling that he cheated on me as well. He's mocking me about how upset I'll be when I find out he's clean and telling me to spread my disease elsewhere. I came looking for support since I'm so young and don't really know people with herpes.

I feel as if no one could ever love me since I am damaged goods. I feel like it is completely my fault I caught it and kept sleeping with the man who gave it to me (there were some signs going off that I should've paid attention to) and insults me now. I know there's only one way to go and it's up! But does anyone ever feel down sometimes?

Also, does anyone get outbreaks because of chocolate? I really love chocolate and I'm more sad that I might have to cut back on that :(

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Chocolate has been a big problem for me since my first outbreak. Along with that is peanut butter and you know what? I LOVE Reeses! Those are both of them put together. Every time I eat one of them, within minutes I feel the itching starting. Caffeine also does the same thing.

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Relax. You have a minor viral skin complaint that 1 in 4 adults has. And in the grand scheme of things, it really is no big deal (really - it's not). So a few points to bear in mind:

1) Condoms are unreliable as protection against HSV. So don't beat yourself up about not having used them.

2) HSV is arguably the most hyped up ailment ever in relation to its actual medical seriousness. Unlike other STIs it won't make you sterile / cause cancer / kill you / melt your brain. Most people who have it suffer only minor, occasional symptoms or no symptoms whatsoever. And in almost everyone it's self-limiting and becomes less frequent and milder over time (assuming that you have symptoms in the first place).

3) NEVER use the word "clean" to describe not having HSV. In doing that you're buying into the hype and stigma because you're subconsciously telling yourself you're the opposite of "clean", i.e. "dirty". Which of course is ridiculous.

4) Your ex boyfriend probably has herpes - either HSV-1 (mainly oral), HSV-2 (mainly genital) or both. Most adults have one or the other. In fact it's more unusual NOT to have it. He sounds like an ass anyway if that's how he's being about it. You're well rid.

5) The tales of woe you read on sites such as this are the EXCEPTION rather than the rule.

6) I can virtually guarantee you that within a few weeks you'll be feeling a whole lot better about the whole thing.

Here's a couple of links to put things in perspective:

http://herpesisnormal.com/?page_id=19

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/STDs/HSV1---Asymptomatic-Shedding-Risks---oral-and-genital/show/249237

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what a piece of shit he is. and he probably did give it to you, and probably won't get tested himself. if you have any more interaction with him I would tell him you got retested and it came back negative, just so he can't talk trash. It will get better. look at this like a bump in the road and not a dead end. and now you know to be careful who you tell. I just met a guy who has it too and he is the best guy I have ever dated. we wouldnt be the understanding, compassionate, appreciative people we are if we had never gotten H, and we never would have met : ) the universe works in mysterious ways and sometimes it takes years to see that. but your still the same person you always were. first and formost take care of you.

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I think he's pulling my leg telling me he got tested. Maybe 4-5 months ago I asked for his recent tests and he never ever gave them to me or mentioned them. Needless to say, I stopped sleeping with him. I gave him my results so many people are telling me what an ass he was. I mean I don't feel any different I was always honest but now I feel like I will even more. Bad shit def does happen to nice people :/

But I'm glad you met someone who's understanding! We all need that in our struggles with this pesky virus lol. I have support from one ex and he's just been super wonderful and doesn't care that I have it (he still wants to get back together).

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The guy you are describing sounds exactly like the guy I contracted herpes from! I know for sure i was HSV2 free before I had sex w/ him. 2 days after having sex w/ him, I developed the symptoms and I just started freaking out. Herpes was really the last thing on my mind when I found out he took off the condom w/o my knowledge. I was worried about pregnancy but once the rash turned into bumps and the bumps turned into blisters accompanied w/ discharge, I knew it had to be herpes. This happened in Dec 2010.

This guy was really nasty about it as well, he is actually mad at me, he called me a venegful bitch, told me that he hopes it spreads to my brain because im crazy and he said I didn't get it from him...yet he seemed to know a lot about this virus. He said he takes herbs to cleanse his body, he's seriously in denial. During a heated arguement, he said I already "had a bump". 100 % false, if I had a bump, why did u feel comfortable taking off the condom and not telling me?

I hate to say it, but I don't expect him to get tested and I just stopping feeling like I would get closure if he admitted he passed to this me. I already have this for life and theres nothing I can do =( When I told him my results, he got angry, seemed unconcerned and mentioned nothing about being tested. You are so right about bad stuff happening to good people. I feel so baffled that I waited almost 2years to have sex w/ someone and this is what resulted from it...I question why did I even cross paths with him..

I am glad that you have support from your ex & You've gotten great advice in this great! Things will definitely be okay for you!

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The guy you are describing sounds exactly like the guy I contracted herpes from! I know for sure i was HSV2 free before I had sex w/ him. 2 days after having sex w/ him, I developed the symptoms and I just started freaking out. Herpes was really the last thing on my mind when I found out he took off the condom w/o my knowledge. I was worried about pregnancy but once the rash turned into bumps and the bumps turned into blisters accompanied w/ discharge, I knew it had to be herpes. This happened in Dec 2010.

This guy was really nasty about it as well, he is actually mad at me, he called me a venegful bitch, told me that he hopes it spreads to my brain because im crazy and he said I didn't get it from him...yet he seemed to know a lot about this virus. He said he takes herbs to cleanse his body, he's seriously in denial. During a heated arguement, he said I already "had a bump". 100 % false, if I had a bump, why did u feel comfortable taking off the condom and not telling me?

I hate to say it, but I don't expect him to get tested and I just stopping feeling like I would get closure if he admitted he passed to this me. I already have this for life and theres nothing I can do =( When I told him my results, he got angry, seemed unconcerned and mentioned nothing about being tested. You are so right about bad stuff happening to good people. I feel so baffled that I waited almost 2years to have sex w/ someone and this is what resulted from it...I question why did I even cross paths with him..

I am glad that you have support from your ex & You've gotten great advice in this great! Things will definitely be okay for you!

Oh man I had to check where you're from! Almost had a heart attack and thought it was the same person lol. Same here, I didn't like him at first but people deserve second chances. A really big mistake!! Definitely when your instinct tells you to high tail it, you better run...

I hope you start to feel better about it, I am certainly with my ex and he's making it better everyday. He doesn't talk to me nasty and has been on my side this whole time. Total sweetheart and we all deserve someone like that in our life!

I'm no longer that mad at him and have come to peace but it still makes my blood boil to hear other people be told those kinds of things by someone who is in denial and most likely the source of our pain. But alas, only they can do the right thing and get tested. I hope he decides to stop doing what he does and tell future partners about his mysterious rash which I def think is herpes. He dismissed it as razor burn and never got a swab culture from it. Anyway, that being said, let's hope they get an ounce of honesty in their being.

He always preached about being honest and always accused me of lying! I guess his own guilty conscience was too much for him. (this is other stuff not pertaining to herpes)

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Vistan u say that nobody is goin to want u cuz ur damage. I have to say some guys will still take u. I am wit a non h person and he loves me so much. We have a normal sex life and he is not worry bout gettin it which he knows one day he will. We don't use condoms due to me tryin to get preg. I ate wat I want and take lysine. Don't worry to much bout it I wouldn't I still feel pretty u should too

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To Vistan and betrayed 2010, so freakin weird, sounds like the guy that gave it to me!!! Scary. What are there a bunvh of infected me date raping woman to give them hsv? I think the guy who gave it to me wanted to hurt me, he hates womem or something. He pressered me into haveing sex with him for hours and after plying me with liquor I agreed. Then when he was ontop of me pulled off the condom and pushed all his weight on me so I couldnt stop him. Bad news is, not only did I get herpes, I DID GET PREGNANT. Never thought I would have ann abortion in my life, but this guy was an evil sadist in my opinion and I knew I had to get away from him, and having a child with him would have destroyed me. * years later I am starting ANOTHER round of therapy to finally make peace with this monster in my past. I contacted the police, talked to a lawyer, seems theres not much they care to do for a girl who was dated raped. and given a life long illness. This guy was from Michigan, would be in his early 40's by now I guess. Probalby one of the most evil f-ers I've ever encountered. It's really starting to seem like there are a lot of sadistic men out there who are bend on destroying beautiful woman. we need to watch out for ourselves and each other.

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i will say this and that it does get better with time and better understanding of what this really is...my buddy gets HSV1 oral all over his lips, in his nose and its bad and he gets this 2 or 3 times a year...its painful and horrible looking....i havnt had an ob in over 2 years and when i did it was barely noticeable if anything at all and it lasted 4 days...so, if i was to pick one i wanted...Hmmmmm. Not making light of either... im just trying to put HSV2 in perspective of what it is and how it might even be less bothering than HSV1 oral.....take care, be grateful and have a great day...)

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I was just diagnosed with HSV two days ago. I'm still in quite a state of shock and I guess denial about it. I know how you feel about being "damaged goods." I'm also single and was really looking forward to getting into a serious relationship soon but now I'm beginning to feel like the possibility of that has really gone out the window. Do you think its possible someone can look beyond this? Do I have to tell someone that I just I start seeing that I have it, or is it fair enough to wait a little while (before sex of course) to tell someone? I'm pretty sure that will be a deal breaker for most.

The worst part is, I got it when I was pretty blind drunk on a night out. He was a friend of a friend but I never met him until that night. I was not interested at all but he followed me home, asked to come in for some water and then took complete advantage of me. I remember asking him to leave but he was persistent and ended up staying. I'm so mad at myself, I've never regretted anything more in my life. I know I can't blame anyone but myself for putting myself in that situation, I've been going out and partying too much and letting guys take advantage of me. So, Vistan, I know how you feel about thinking its all your fault.

Going to the doctor was also horrific. I was hoping it was just a yeast infection but I sort of knew that it wasn't. My doctor's bedside manner was a bit terrible at first to be honest...when she told me I freaked out and she asked me "why are you so upset?" I felt like smacking her. She continued on to tell me that a lot of people have this virus, in fact most people do, just not all people exhibit symptoms...lucky me. Also, would it be wrong to have sex with someone with a condom of course, and when I don't have an outbreak, and not tell them? I asked my doctor and she said that its a personal choice of whether or not you tell someone. She asked me if I sometimes got cold sores would I tell that to every person before I kissed them? What do you guys think?

I also had no idea just how painful this virus is. Going to the toilet is the most awful experience, so much so that I avoid drinking water and eating. I know this is not helping the situation but it hurts so much that I almost cry every time. Does anyone else feel like this?

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tigerlily....hi...i will try and enlighten you on a couple of things...first of all u do not have mention to anyone about ur gift until u are ready to have sex...and YES..it is your responsibility to tell the other person if have this before doing any such act...condoms or no condoms....it is against the law and u can be sued in court...besides the fact of it riding on your head for the rest of your life...how would like it if someone knowingly did this to you...? it is one of the reasons why this sti is spread the way the it is and will continue to be because of ignornant and selfish people...not saying u planned to do this and i know u just asked but ur doctor ad no doctor should have told u this...im shocked quite frankly and they need to stop this kind of advice immediately...it will get better in time with you i promise you that...u wont even think oabout it one day....wishing u grateful days ahead and take care..........x

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It is often true that irresponsible people who pass on herpes are the very ones to get upset about it and verbally abuse the person who caught it from them and told them about it. Of course, you are well rid of such a person.

Although this is not directly about herpes, I can't help but think that everyone posting here would benefit from a book recommendation, not about herpes, but about learning to trust yourself and about keeping yourself safe from various kinds of predators. If you have not read this, please get a copy and read it right away: The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker.

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I was just diagnosed with HSV two days ago. I'm still in quite a state of shock and I guess denial about it. I know how you feel about being "damaged goods." I'm also single and was really looking forward to getting into a serious relationship soon but now I'm beginning to feel like the possibility of that has really gone out the window. Do you think its possible someone can look beyond this? Do I have to tell someone that I just I start seeing that I have it, or is it fair enough to wait a little while (before sex of course) to tell someone? I'm pretty sure that will be a deal breaker for most.

The worst part is, I got it when I was pretty blind drunk on a night out. He was a friend of a friend but I never met him until that night. I was not interested at all but he followed me home, asked to come in for some water and then took complete advantage of me. I remember asking him to leave but he was persistent and ended up staying. I'm so mad at myself, I've never regretted anything more in my life. I know I can't blame anyone but myself for putting myself in that situation, I've been going out and partying too much and letting guys take advantage of me. So, Vistan, I know how you feel about thinking its all your fault.

Going to the doctor was also horrific. I was hoping it was just a yeast infection but I sort of knew that it wasn't. My doctor's bedside manner was a bit terrible at first to be honest...when she told me I freaked out and she asked me "why are you so upset?" I felt like smacking her. She continued on to tell me that a lot of people have this virus, in fact most people do, just not all people exhibit symptoms...lucky me. Also, would it be wrong to have sex with someone with a condom of course, and when I don't have an outbreak, and not tell them? I asked my doctor and she said that its a personal choice of whether or not you tell someone. She asked me if I sometimes got cold sores would I tell that to every person before I kissed them? What do you guys think?

I also had no idea just how painful this virus is. Going to the toilet is the most awful experience, so much so that I avoid drinking water and eating. I know this is not helping the situation but it hurts so much that I almost cry every time. Does anyone else feel like this?

First of all, I'm really sorry that you're going through this sweety! Your doctor could've been more caring than they were. My doctor was comforting and told me that I can live my life normally if I take good care of myself and told me to call her whenever if I have questions. (I really like her cause when I had a pep smear she was very gentle! Unlike my old gyno) I'm starting to feel better and feel normal now (some people can get over it quickly and some can't) it's not a sign of weakness or anything.

But back to you...you say took advantage of you? I'm bad at context of words but did he rape you? If he did you need to report this soon! But I keep re-reading your post and it might be a sign to start taking good care of yourself. I know that there's more to you than just sex.

Now to the condom thing...I strongly think you should tell your partners you have the virus. How do you expect they would feel if they became infected? Just like you did. You're giving them a choice and although it's so unfair it's an action of honesty and consideration. It is still up to you but it would be wise to tell them upfront. I also thought of that but I think it's unfair and would not wish this upon anyone.

To help your pain while you urinate or defecate fill a jug full of lukewarm water and run it over your privates or drink a lot of water to dilute your urine. I felt like that for a while I just wish it wasn't as painful. I had a mild outbreak that when I had to pee I just leaned forward to avoid my urine to pass over my sore.

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It is often true that irresponsible people who pass on herpes are the very ones to get upset about it and verbally abuse the person who caught it from them and told them about it. Of course, you are well rid of such a person.

Although this is not directly about herpes, I can't help but think that everyone posting here would benefit from a book recommendation, not about herpes, but about learning to trust yourself and about keeping yourself safe from various kinds of predators. If you have not read this, please get a copy and read it right away: The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker.

Thanks! I will check this out for sure.

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