Waiting

[sleeplessinpdx]

I got HSV2 from my ex husband 6 years ago. We divorced and I've been dating and relating for over a year now. I've ALWAYS told my potential partner about my HSV2. And always prior to the heat of the moment, like my ex didn't.

My dilemma is, I have met a WONDERFUL guy! We really clicked, and I see no red flags. I told him up front from the begining this is what I'm dealing with. He asked questions, did some research and said he was ok with it. I am on suppression meds. Well, we decided we were in this for the long-haul, even though it was very early in the relationship. Just so much of it felt "right". Well now he's been plagued with thoughts and dreams about herpes. He says he freaks out at every little pimple. Could he have gotten it. Is this it, etc.? He said he's felt like this for 2 weeks and felt bad for not bringing it up sooner.

So, of course, I cried. I thought everything was going so well, and now this damn herpes has to cause problems.

I don't know. He says he loves me. That he really means it when he says that. He says he wants to talk to a professional and I gave him information on Westover Heights which is fairly close to us.

I want to believe he just needs time to absorb this. I have a hard time believing that he could let this get in the way of everything else so beautiful. My heart is in this more than I want it to be, so I am mentally and emotionally preparing for the worst. I'm feeling myself pull back, but trying not to give up hope. If he says things will be fine and let's give it a try again, I wonder if I will always wonder if he has intrusive thoughts about me and him and herpes. I would feel awful transmitting it to him. Because I don't want to "ruin his life". I know life goes on, and can be fulfilling with herpes, but I'm just so sad. And worried because I'm in limbo. I don't know how to be with him. How to talk, whether to talk or initiate a phone call even.

I've kind of been giving him space. I know he's really bothered by it. He was even crying with me last night. I really hope he can find a way to accept it as part of me and see how good we can really be together. I just have this feeling that he could be the "one". But only time will tell. How can I get out of this funk and feel better about myself during this hard time?

[Guest Guest]

The only thing that made me feel better during a situation that was very similar to yours was the end of the relationship. It is a horrible feeling to not feel accepted by someone you love and to feel like your self worth is entirely dependent on wether or not they are accepting of you. You can wait around for him to make up his mind if you want to. That's what I did and I waited for four months just to get dumped. I learned something. That you don't need someone who makes you feel bad about yourself.

[sleeplessinpdx]

Well I certainly won't wait that long. If I don't hear from him in a couple of days I will call him and tell him it's over. I don't need to be kept wondering. This limbo stuff kills me.

I am not so wrapped up in him that I depend on him for happiness. I am happy with myself just the way I am. But I do like to have someone to share my life with. The part that gets me the worst is that things were so good. No red flags. Then all of a sudden, BOOM! I feel led on and lied to. And that hurts. I have no idea how to avoid that in the future. I guess only time tells what people are really like.

[sleeplessinpdx]

Well, it's over. I finally contacted him and he e-mailed me! What a COWARD! So I called and told him that. His excuse is that he is not go at "this sort of stuff." Well, he obviously didn't have the integrity or decency that I am looking for. Glad I found out now.

[Guest Guest]

Very true and I'm glad you have that attitude now. It took me too long to come to that conclusion myself.

[Bubba one]

Hi, I'm new here and please don't be offended by what I'm about to say. I think that I might have H to, going to go get checked as soon as possible. I've been dating a girl for two months now and pray that I don't have it, bc don't know how to bring it up or even admit it to myself. Now I'm reading your post and my heart goes out for you, I'm a very strait up guy, all of my friends say that, I don't bs anyone. If I'm in the relationship and she told me that, it would have so many thoughts running thourgh my head, not sure how I would react. I always look for the inner beauty of a person, ALWAYS. I would hope that I could get past this, and now that I maybe the person with it, can't even begin to think what will be going though her mind. I hope I didn't ramble on to much actually in tears reading your post and thinking about this in my life too. I wish you all the best, Bubba

[Rae]

your story is helpful to me

I just started seeing someone and he's having the same issues your boyfriend had. But he's trying to be understanding and he's been very good with asking questions and talking about it. He just doesn't call me much and we haven't seen each other in over a week but he's asking me to be patient with him because he likes me a lot and he doesn't know what to do. He's trying to keep his distance because he doesn't want to get too close to me. The waiting game is killing me! I live in a small town and meeting an amazing guy like him is really hard to come by and if he breaks up with me, everyone is going to know why he broke up with me and I fear no one will want to date me. I'm going to wait a little while longer because he's too good to let go, and I know if he's not going to be able to deal someone else out there will. It's really hard and I cry about it sometimes. Thanks for your story, it has helped me out because I might have to break up with him for my own strength and self confidence.

[ouch]

I am sorry that the fella handled this situation in such a cowardly fashion. But perhaps it is better in the long run. I imagine he would have bailed eventually and used any old excuse, this was probably just an easier out for him. You all will meet amazing people, I am sure of it...don't worry and don't settle. That is all I can say about that!

As for people being scared though, shit, do you blame them?!?! I don't. They have a right to be afraid and turn US down, just as we do them. honestly, had I KNOWN ahead of time that my ex had this shit, I would have probably reacted the same way as most people do. (especially not having the knowledge I have now!) part of that is because I have a phobia of germs, the other part would have been based on sheer fear and ignorance. So we can't really be angry at people for being afraid and/or paranoid of catching this stuff from us. all we can do is to try and educate people and keep our eyes (and hearts) open for the one who is truly the best for us.