Telling my Boyfriend

[chickypoo]

Im only 18, i had sex for the first time with a boy a year ago and got herpes-great way to loose my virginity. i am now dating a boy who i trust and care alot about and want to pursure the next stages of intimacy. i only have type 1 herpes and have never had it since my first outbreak. i was just wondering what other people have gone through when telling someone they are dating and how they reacted-also if they have any tips for me-i need all the tips i can get. also if any of you went through depression with this diagnosis let me know because i did and i just cant get it completly out of my brain even when everything but my health in one aspect is fine.

thanks for your time

sarah

[tigerclaw79]

Well I guess I would be a good person to comment, as I am the boyfriend of a girl who contracted herpes when she lost her virginity. And that she, and now I, have Type 1.

First off, you'll never know how he'll react, so analyzing this will not really help much. I had dated my girlfriend for about a week before she told me. I wasn't really too bothered by it, the only thing that bothered me was what I knew, or rather what I didn't know. Pretty much all I knew was that there were commercials for some medicine for it on TV all the time, and that it was a STD. In my head(and probably in your boyfriend's head) when you think of STD you think of AIDS. When I thought of STD I thought "Ok, if I catch this I'm going to die from it". I am a very curious person, and don't get scared off by things that I don't know. I just go out and learn. Your boyfriend will likely not react the same. I had to be told that she had Herpes, and it was Type 1. I didn't know what Herpes was, or how many types there were, or what the difference is. So I had to hear it, and keep a level head and go learn about it and decide if this was something I was willing to risk. Now a fact that you need to tell him is the likelyhood of him getting the disease from you if you guys stay together for a long time is good. But also tell him about it. About how you will not have it all the time, that it's more of an irritation than anything. I get canker sores sometimes in my mouth, and while my first(I've only had one) outbreak was uncomfortable, it was nothing compared to the PAIN I experienced having like 7 canker sores in my mouth. It's nothing compared to having 1 canker sore in my mouth and accidentally biting it. So I, after researching it, have come to the realization that, while I might have this my whole life, it's not like a dibilitating illness or anything. It's more of a speedbump, just one of life's obstacles.

Now with all that said, I have been told that most people are more pessimistic than me. And there is a pretty good possibility that he will freak out, maybe a lil, maybe alot. So you have to be calm about it. I'm just going off of the boyfriends of friends that I've met, don't know anything about yours. Have literature for him to read. See if you can discuss it with him there with you, in private. From everything that I've read the worst thing about this disease is it's reputation. If he takes the literature or whatever home and a friend finds it, it could be bad(you probably know all that part). So talk to him and try to inform him right then and there.

But like I said, it's totally up to him on how he reacts. There's no way of knowing what Jerry Springer type show he saw and what light Herpes might have been shown to him. He might look at it bad, or good, you don't know till you talk to him. Just know that however he does react to it, his reaction is no fault of your own. If he reacts bad it's not you that gave him that reaction, it's society and the way it has stigmatized this illness.

[chickypoo]

question

Well I guess I would be a good person to comment, as I am the boyfriend of a girl who contracted herpes when she lost her virginity. And that she, and now I, have Type 1.

so did your girlfriend have type 1 on the lips or gentials? i got it on my bum, however very little and ah im just worried what hes going to say.what if i said my lips instead. that wouldnt be honest i know so n/m i will tell the truh

[tigerclaw79]

She has it on her genitals. Got it from a guy that went down on her, before she had sex for the first time. Nice intro into the sexual world...

Worrying about it isn't going to change his answer. He's either going to be accepting of it or not. Might as well just get it out of the way. You sound like you've done what you can. The rest is up to him.

[kelz23]

Ok Im 20 and I found out that I have herpes just over a month ago now. I am in a relationship with the guy who gave it to me and we are still together. When I first found out I totally freaked out, I felt very negative about everything and I didnt know how I was going to tell him. At that point, I wasnt sure if I had contracted it from him or from my ex.

I gave myself a couple days to think about it and get my own head around it and then I decided that it was my responsability to be honest and upfront with him. So I called him up and told him I needed to talk to him about something in the evening and then I went over and sat him down and just told him. I had some pamplets I got from the sexual health clinic and he had a look at that and yeah.

At first he was worried, mostly about the chance he gave it to me, especially after I explained to him how he could have it without knowing. But he agreed to go see someone at the clinic, he got tested and he came back positive for HSV-1 and so did i.

Even though he did give it to me, he still told me he didnt care whether I had it or not because it dosnt matter to him whatsoever.

Of course, not all guys are supportive like he has been but I think if your just honest with him then he will respect that. If he dosnt think he can be with you because you have H then you may have to move on with your life. It is a good way to weed out the bad eggs

Goodluck

[chickypoo]

i told him!

okay well, i told my boyfriend on friday and boy was i ever suprised at the response. i tol dhim i was hsv-1 positive and he was okay with it. he said if he dumped me for what some jerk did to me then he would be being a jerk too. and he said that we could take the intimacy as slow as i needed to( i contracted it through a bad sexual experiance). i was so happy and my nerves were finally rested! Not to mention the stories people told me did help my nerves a bit. im only 18, so i might not be with this boy my whole life, but it was my first time telling a partner and it was a good experiance. thanks everyone!

ME

[kadav7]

I'm glad everything turned out okay for you and your boyfriend! I hope you guys end up having a wonderful relationship