First time feeling devastation

[ruby2011]

Hello. I am 22 years old, and I have not been 'officially' diagnosed with the big H, but I have a small sore, which never blistered, but I had other symptoms before I noticed the spot like chills, increased vaginal discharge, itching, swollen lymph nodes in the neck, and a sore throat. Then I felt something tender on my vagina, so I looked and had a tiny red bump. I had the swab test done, and at first the doctor said, "oh, it doesn't look that bad", but when she started swabbing it she said, "Oh now its starting to look like a problem." I was really upset and the doctor goes, 'It's not the end of the world." I thought to myself, wow that was a really therapeutic thing for her to say---NOT! I contacted my last two partners, and both of them are freaking out saying they've never had symptoms etc. But after research, I discovered that means nothing. I get the results back monday, i just have a feeling they will be H. The strange thing is I have no pain from the sore, and no swollen lymph nodes in the groin area. I have just one sore and it's very small. I started taking valtrex. I hope that more spots won't occur in the next few weeks, and I just hope that I wont experience the pain so many people suffer from. I'm just devastated. I feel I will never find someone to love me, marry me, and make babies with me. That's all I want out of life is to find my soul mate and have kids. That's hard enough to do when you don't have herpes. I know before this scare, I would have never considered dating someone with herpes, so I know other people won't consider me either. I'm depressed and hopeless....I guess I"m just looking for words of encouragment/advice.

[JerseyJohn]

Ah Ruby. I'm really sorry to hear that, but I've been there. It is gut-wrenching and a horrible feeling, but you're wrong about people not wanting to give you a chance because I never used a dating site. I always told the women straight-up what the deal was and if they aren't cool with it, then that's fine because I've met women who don't have it who were willing to give it a shot. It's not the end of the world...just a lifestyle change. And you can have perfectly healthy children, too. Cheer up. You're going to be very special to someone, I promise. Good luck to you and feel free to lean on me. 12 years of HSV2 living here.

[wonderfulone]

ruby i was just told tuesday that its def the big h. im scared to death. but i do have the sores and i am in alot of pain. i find out monday also if this is what i have. which the dr says there is nothing else it could be. so what we just wait for the results.. i know it feels like the end of the world dont it? i dont know anyone else that has this and im so glad i found a site where i can learn more about this. i have to tell my fiance of 5 years that i have this. im scared to death. i thought i had a uti till i noticed sores. and i want to find out what i can do for the pain. i have three kids and i am scared that they can get this. my dr just basically told me i have it.. nothing else.. not anything i can do to help it heal. or take the pain away or how to spread it to my kids or anything. im glad i can talk on here to someone.... please if anyone has any info please contact me i need help bad!!!! mentally and physically ~d

[RealisticGal]

ruby i was just told tuesday that its def the big h. im scared to death. but i do have the sores and i am in alot of pain. i find out monday also if this is what i have. which the dr says there is nothing else it could be. so what we just wait for the results.. i know it feels like the end of the world dont it? i dont know anyone else that has this and im so glad i found a site where i can learn more about this. i have to tell my fiance of 5 years that i have this. im scared to death. i thought i had a uti till i noticed sores. and i want to find out what i can do for the pain. i have three kids and i am scared that they can get this. my dr just basically told me i have it.. nothing else.. not anything i can do to help it heal. or take the pain away or how to spread it to my kids or anything. im glad i can talk on here to someone.... please if anyone has any info please contact me i need help bad!!!! mentally and physically ~d

Hey, hon -- your doctor, and also Ruby's --- they sound like jerks!!! Like Ruby said, "really therapeutic."

Here are a few things for you both to know.

First of all, visual exam is a very unreliable means of diagnosing herpes. Even "experts" on herpes can make mistakes that way because a lot of other conditions can look like herpes (and vice versa). The CDC recommends that laboratory tests always be done to confirm the diagnosis. At least your docs knew enough to do that!

Secondly, trust me, you DO know others who have herpes. Some of them just don't talk about it. Others don't even know they have it. But about 80% of adults in North America have oral herpes, while roughly 20% or so have genital herpes. So look around you. You know people who have herpes.

In fact, your fiance of 5 years might very well have it without knowing it, wonderfulone. If you find out from your tests that you do, he should also be tested. Then you two will know how to proceed as far as intimacy.

About the kids... First of all, as JerseyJohn said, you can have them. And a love life. And a marriage. And the picket fence and mortgage and all that stuff. Only you will stop yourself from that if you want it, not herpes. And don't be afraid about giving your kids herpes. You aren't having sex with them. To pass genital herpes to someone else, they need to have skin to skin contact with your genital area --- the area that would be covered by a pair or boxer shorts. So just use good hygiene practices (wash your hands) and your kids should be fine.

What to do for the pain:

• Pee in the tub or shower so the water will soothe the pain.
  
• Drink plenty of water to dilute your urine so it is not as acidic.
  
• Use a numbing cream with something like lidocaine or xylocaine in it.
  
• Take baths with Epsom Salts to soothe and help heal the sores.
  
• Keep the area dry --- go without panties if possible.
  
• Use a diaper ointment with zinc on the sores.
  
• Keep on the antiviral meds --- they take a while to help.
  
• Take lysine supplements.
  

This site has a lot of helpful info, so explore the links on the right side of the page. >>>>

Learning about how to mange this infection will help a lot. Let us know how your test results turn out, and ask any specific questions you might have.

Try not to think about it as "the big H." It is just a stupid little virus with a big stigma that has just come about in recent years.

[RadioLove]

Well, I guess bed side manner is no longer a requirement when it comes to the medical field. That sucks because I serve tables and talk to my guests like they are my entire world at the moment... FOR WAY LESS MONEY. Go figure! LOL

It's strange how you never considered dating anyone with a contactable disease until you get one. I would like to believe it's because you are a wonderful person who doesn't make judgement based on lack of information No one thinks in the abstract anymore. It makes the world boring.

Welcome Ruby, I hope all goes well for you either way. Don't fret over finding your soul mate and having babies. I don't believe we have that "one" out there, I believe we have tons of "ones" and yes, I am a romantic too <3

[Sunshine2you]

Hi Ruby,

I hope by that by the time you get this message, you will be feeling a little better. The responses you have already received from some members are wonderful examples of how supportive people on this site are to others. You are not alone, and your feelings, though totally your own and unique, are very similar to the ones we have all felt upon diagnosis. I was diagnosed two months ago, and I'm still struggling with some of the same emotions. I, too, worry about finding someone who will love me, marry me, and have kids with me (and I'm almost 34 years old, so I'm not getting any younger). For awhile after the diagnosis, I was so devastated that I wasn't even looking at men or thinking about dating. The prospect seems a little more interesting now, and I've told myself that I'm special in a lot of other ways, and smart, too. Hopefully I will find a partner who will trust me when I tell him about what I'm doing to take care of myself, prevent outbreaks, and prevent passing the virus on to him. You can do it, too!

As for your doctor, she needs a serious lesson in bedside manner. As a nurse, I would never say to my patient, "Oh, it's not a big deal." Yes it is, because it's a big deal to YOU, her patient. What you needed was information and guidance, but most of all, comfort and reassurance in the appropriate way. Sorry to be all "nursey" and preachy, but it makes me angry when doctors brush things off and make their patients feel worse.

You will be okay, Ruby. You sound like a delightful, loving, and intelligent person, and I have no doubt that you will one day find the love of your life who will love you for all the special things that you are!