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I am 20. I am still waiting upon my test results. My full story is long and complicated and silly. The short version is I waited 19 years to have sex. I did it right, we wore protection and he got tested and all that. Our relationship was a rollercoaster ride. I love him more then i can bare, still. Unfortunetly, he has two sides to him and a bad reputation. Hes also crossed the line and has mistreated me very badly in the past. We havent been seeing each other for a while but we started hanging out again. 2 months ago, while he was drunk, he admitted to have been cheating on me several times, went into gruesome detail,... That night, I slept with someone else. It wasnt the first time dealing with his behaviour and its no excuse, but I was in an indescribable mental state and just did it. Just let go of everything I knew, all my morals, and cut my tie to him. I didnt use protection. I didnt only do it once. I made a horrible decision and it seems i will be paying the rest of my life for it. There is no excuse for my actions, no excuse for my "ignorantdecision". Im not really that religious but I cant help finding myself asking Why? How is this fair? I waited so long and was so responsible, and one slip, and im punished for life.

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Herpes isn't punishment...its just a virus!

Who knows it may not have been the casual sex where you got it...if the douche was fooling around...he may have been clean at the beginning, but...

It will get better...you will learn to live with it. You will learn to understand the uneasy truce between herpes and your body. Lots of people live with/have herpes...80% with hsv 1 and 25% with hsv 2. You will find somebody to love you despite this and you will live a full life--all you have to do is not let it break you...and don't be your own worst enemy...accept that bad things happen and move own, that is the greatest gift you can give yourself.

Also you are young...they are talking cures in 5-10 years believe me that is not long--and you will still be young. I have had herpes 9 years now...it has gone quickly...in that time I have had a baby and 5 relationships. It is not the end of the world, nor is it punishment.

Good luck and stay strong.

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hi! i'm new here too. i'm 21 and I kinda know what you are going through. I waited till i was 19 years old to have sex. I only had monogamous relationships in the past and I've only have 2 partners in total so far. But now my bf has been diagnosed with hsv1 genitals because he had a ONE time blowjob from some women right before he got into a relationship with me. We both didnt know until he had his first outbreak. I'm ALSO waiting for my test results right now. I also thinks its really unfair for me. I never slept around at all, and I'm not a bad person. I kept asking why this was happening to me. I feel like my life was a series of unfortunate events. My bf isnt a bad person either. We are very much in love and he is faithful to me. People make mistakes though.

so you are not alone! hope this makes you feel somewhat better :)

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I'm sorry that the virus happen to you the way it did. I got herpes from a situation i strongly felt could have avoided but i had depressingly low self esteem so at the time I let the man use me and throw me away like a dirty napkin. But i feel there is river of beauty to be found behind every ocean of ugly. Our beauty is working to live our lives a million times more fuller, virtuous and ambitious than we ever would have when we didn't have the virus.

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Hi ignorantchoice (though I don't like calling you that),

Forgive yourself. You did not get herpes because you did something wrong. You got it because one of your partners had it and probably never knew he had it. Everyone was unlucky, but you are not being punished, okay? I know it's easier said than done, but try to forgive yourself and move on. You are not the first person, and you are definitely not the last one, to step outside of yourself and do something that you later regret, especially when you were heartbroken and confused. As one person already said, you may have gotten herpes from your boyfriend, who has been cheating on you. Unfortunately, you may never know, since herpes is that type of sneaky virus.

Your situation is exactly like mine, from the cheating boyfriend to the one-night "mistake." I know exactly how you feel, but I'm a little older than you. You will be okay, and you will work through this, okay? Just lean on the people who love you the most, the people who treat you well. Move away from the ones who don't (especially the cheater, who can't be trusted, as much as you love him). Good luck, and I hope your heart begins to heal soon. :)

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    • sgt98
      Hey @WilsoInAus ok thank you, I will do my best to move on and stop trawling forums haha. 
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @sgt98 but there is no feasible infection or outbreak to suppress and antivirals do not suppress an initial outbreak in any event 
    • sgt98
      Thanks @WilsoInAus I understand apologies for this but the only other thing I am worried about is that I did take a course of Famvir on day 1 as I felt like I was having an outbreak of cold sores and am worried that has suppressed the initial outbreak genitally 
    • WilsoInAus
      Hi @sgt98 it is not feasible to obtain a HSV-2 infection from receiving oral sex - only HSV-1 is feasible but you've already got that and immunity from any further infection with HSV-1. You do not need any further tests for HSV. You're feeling regret, try to forgive yourself and calm down, let the rational take over. You know the answer here and it won't be long until you believe it too.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hi @NerdP423 and welcome to the website. You raise a lot of points and I think the best way to address your concerns is add some comments at each key point. I've copied your note again below and added these comments in square brackets. I appreciate any insight (even speculation) as to what has been going on with me. I'm a 37y/o M. I last was intimate with a new partner on 2/11/2022, and a few days later started having a huge amount of discomfort in my face. [The first thing that happens though is that herpes causes lesions or at least some skin based disruption. Other symptoms are then related to the actions of the immune system responding to the virus. Without lesions, it is highly questionable that the ailment is related to herpes, yet testing is useful if you have concerns as you have done so.] About a month after that [herpes causes issues within days, if the first 'symptoms' are a month later - its extremely unlikely they are related to herpes], significant discomfort downstairs, however every test I have ever taken for HSV 1 and 2 has been negative. Here are the details: Face: Previously, some significant tingling and itching on the right side of my mouth, lips and chin (still there, but milder) [herpes does not cause general tingling and itching, it can cause a reasonably concentrated feeling of itch/throb from which a herpes lesion appears within hours]. Occasional hot flashes near my right eye, cheek and ear [herpes does not do this, it may be a immune response to something, or stress]. Sometimes it will feel like the skin is crawling on the right side of my face [herpes does not cause a general crawling sensation]. Never seen anything that looked like a traditional cold sore [that's extremely telling, even people with associated atypical symptoms will have experienced herpes lesions]. Occasionally, the left side of my face will have a momentary feeling of skin crawling, but it's so mild that I am not really worried about it. Downstairs: Thankfully, most of these are now milder than they were before. Occasional momentary pinch of pain at the base of my genitals. [herpes does not cause a general pinch feeling.] Aching pain in my boxer area (groin, leg folds) [nor this] Occasional feeling of cold in my boxer area, butt, or lower back. ( also in my shins and occasionally even my arms) [nor this] On 4/30/2022, I had been in discomfort for almost two months. I scratched an itch, noticed it hurt, and then checked - I did have an open ulcer down there. Took myself to the ER to get swabbed, came back negative. [If this was a PCR then this will be very conclusive.] Practitioner said it may come back negative because it was already open. However the lab report noted that it definitely didn't look like what you'd expect a typical first herpes outbreak to look like [how would the lab know??]. All blood tests negative so far. I had two western blots, the second one was nine months after exposure. [Two negative Westernblots!!! Many that's real convincing]. All other swabs also negative. I went to urgent care, because I know the timeliness of when the Swab is taken matters. One time, a swab was not done, because practitioner said it was folliculitis and wouldn't swab it (It was at my belt line). [Belt line is highly unlikely to relate to herpes.]   A blood test revealed I had low-ish B12 (technically in range, but at the very low end, especially for a man of my size). I had a series of B12 injections, and I am taking a B12 supplement. I am not taking any lysine or arginine at the moment. I was taking the Arganine to see if I could induce an outbreak. [This is irrelevant, there is no known linkage between herpes outbreaks and arginine/lysine intake - its a myth - and B12 infers nothing.] I think what I am asking is - has anyone here ever repeatedly tested negative over and over again over long period of time, before getting a definitive answer, be a positive test, or something else? [The answer to this is: Extremely few people with a HSV-1 infection and even more rarely HSV-2 test repeatedly negative on Westernblot and actually carry the virus. Of the cases that I know of that had delayed detection by a swab and negative blood tests in the meantime (and that's only 3-4 cases), they had some form of lesions within days of infection but did not obtain a swab for various reasons and then obtained a positive swab of a subsequent lesion with the record being 11 months later. A couple of the cases did have some 'background' symptoms they thought might be related to herpes but that isn't ascertained and some did not have any unusual symptoms at all apart from the lesions. Hence as you did not have lesions around your mouth or lips within days of the last sexual encounter as is exceptionally common for a primary oral HSV-1 infection, that pretty much rules out herpes orally as it is. The fact that you had no genital symptoms for a month also rules out genital herpes. I am not aware of anyone at all who has genuinely gone on to test positive by swab or blood in your specific circumstances. There are hundreds if not more than a thousand experiences on this website alone that are similar to yours that are truly negative for herpes I'm one of them!]  
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