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calgal

dumped by boyfriend of almost 2 years who gave me herpes

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calgal

Hi there, I wish I found this website earlier but better late then never. About 2 years ago I contracted HSV1 in the 'wrong' area from my partner. We stayed together for about a year after it happened and during that year I never thought much of it because I thought he would be the man I would marry so we took precautions and went on with life. We've been broken up for almost a year now and well needless to say my dating life sure isn't what it was like before I met him. I met a great guy recently after many dates and spent a month getting to know him and it might sound cliche but we were perfect for one another. We would be together now if I didn't have this.

The part that is the most difficult is that I got HSV1 almost 2 years ago and luckily for me have never had an outbreak since. After looking through some 'natural' remedies on the website I think that is why. I am an extremely healthy individual with a strong immune system and part of my daily lifestyle with vitamins and antioxidants are things they recommend and by the sounds of it the virus in me is in a state of dormancy. He was still pretty freaked out even after I shared this info with him and to be honest if I didn't have it I would probably be too. It's just hard to meet that great guy that knows I would do everything and anything to prevent giving this to him and he says if I didn't have it then we would be together. I already do the natural things necessary without even knowing it to prevent outbreaks so think of how less likely I would be of an outbreak if I took extra natural supplements and even valtrex. I know its scary for someone that doesn't have it but for me to go 2 years without an outbreak I'm obviously doing something right. Now I know HSV1 is the better of the two to have in 'that' area as outbreaks are less common and painful but my lifestyle is another reason mine hasn't returned and this great guy that I can see myself with can't accept that. Now I know theres plenty fish in the sea and I will meet someone but how many times do I get to know someone and fall for them and then drop the bomb on them before taking it to the next level about my virus and be rejected again and again?? 25% of people have this so you'd think the chances of me meeting someone with it are good but so far I'm 3-0.

Luckily I'm an extremely strong, independent women who doesn't feel sorry for myself and is thankful that I am alive and am not threatened with a deadly disease or sickness and even though this virus I have really sucks, I can still live a normal, active lifestyle, I just have to change my dating life somewhat and to be alive and healthy and date differently beats being in a hospital bed for something worse ya know??

Thanks for listening.

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Tiny

HSV 1 is a lot more common than 25% (thats the statistic for HSV 2)...HSV 1 is closer to 80%. And if you have it genitally and it is not in its preferred area it is much less likely to be transferred. Did these men you were seeing go for a blood tests? Because they probably had it...and just didn't know--and if they did they would have antibodies and you would be virtually no risk.

So unless they were planning on living in a bubble...the chanced are that of every 10 people they kiss 8 will have herpes...and 70% won't even know it! So you on a suppressive medication pose a 1-2% pa risk (well, that is if it was herpes in its preferred location and yours is not....so it would be even less than that)...out in the real world, people not taking suppressives who don't know they have it pose a much higher risk anywhere between 3-10% pa.

Maybe a different strategy? Perhaps got the route of "gosh I really fancy you...I think it could go a lot further...but to be on the safe side lets go and get a full STI screening". 80% chance he will have it too and you can go from there. Alternately ask the fellow in question: "hey, have you ever dated anybody who gets cold sores" and most people have...if they say yes you can say well I get them elsewhere. Try softening the blow...a lot of people hear genital herpes and assume the worst...try talk about cold sores first to soften the blow. Just some thoughts :-)

Stay strong

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calgal

Thank you!

Thanks for your reply. I knew HSV1 was more common in the mouth cuz obviously thats where its preferred location but I guess the stat is just HSV1 all together then eh? I tried to tell him that hes got a higher chance of meeting a girl that has HSV1 on the mouth and he could have a higher chance of getting it the same way I did because chances are that girl doesnt know or she doesn't treat it and I will do everything to treat mine ya know. So now you said if he has HSV1 already and chances are he does that he has the antibodies and is less likely to get it? Even if its in a different area? Sorry I guess I'm a little confused by this because if I was shedding or something and we had sex then he could still get HSV1 in the genital area couldn't he? Even if he has HSV1 in the mouth area?

He said he is going to talk to his doc and go for tests again but he can't see it changing his mind so this new info you gave me is actually quite positive for me and I'd actually like to share it with him before he talks to his doc so that maybe he can ask his doc to clarify. Hoping that his doc has any knowledge of the virus and can be of any help. I understand how he could have the HSV1 antibodies from the virus but I don't get how me having them in the genital area could prevent me from giving them to him in the genital area.

Oh and I tried the other way you reccomended but hes pretty freaked out. It's all good, if hes not willing to be with me because of it then I know there will be someone out there who will and this site has been a huge help, over the last couple days I have learnt so much more about it and have more knowledge to share with potential partners. Thank you sooo much!!!

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mortmaiden

About 70% of adults test positive for hsv-1 - these infections are mainly oral but do not distinguish genital infections. Hsv-1 is the most common cause of new genital herpes infections in young women.

Once a person has hsv-1 in one area, say orally, they start to produce antibodies to the hsv-1 virus. This results in a high level of immunity to catching hsv-1 in another area. Not complete immunity, but high enough that catching hsv-1 in a second location when you have it in one place already is very rare.

I have genital hsv-1, and my ex boyfriend, the guy who infected me, had unprotected sex. We had sex on a number of occasions while I was having an active outbreak without problem. I kissed him when he had an open cold sore without problem (not deliberately - just forgot!).

Honestly, genital hsv-1 is actually better than its more common oral version. For a start, hsv-1 is more virulent orally - it is infectious about 5 times as much of the time as a genital hsv-1 infection. Recurrences are pretty uncommon with genital hsv-1, and it is less infectious.

Just not sure how he can reject you for having a virus that over half of adults have, just because you happen to have it genitally rather than orally.

If he does reject you, then obviously he hasn't done you the decency of finding out about hsv-1 and doesn't care about you enough. In which case, he isn't worth it.

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calgal

Thanks for the info. I've been reading through the site more and found what you told me actually so glad you told me first cuz it kinda confirmed everything. I've told him this new info and well if he isn't will to be with me then thats his loss! Thanks again!!!

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how

I was diagnosed with GHSV1 about a month ago. I got it from my boyfriend when he had a coldsore on his lip, I didn't even know that was herpes. He was freaked out, bit then realized we didn't have to worry about anything since he already has it too. About the guy you have been seeing, he sounds very uninformed about this subject. I would ask him this "you mean you wouldn't kiss a woman who had oral herpes when she didn't have a coldsore?" If he says he would I would ask him what the problem was. If he were to say no, then that means he is never going to accept the fact that you or anyone else has the most common form of herpes. He probably already has this anyway, have you asked him if he ever has had a coldsore? Even if he has only had one his entire life, he still has herpes. My boyfriend hadn't gotten one in years whenever his most recent one popped out, it didn't even look like a big nasty coldsore lol, it was just a little bump on his lip, i thought he had nicked hisself shaving, but it was apparently a coldsore. I hope that everything works out with you and your new guy...I hope he comes to realized that you having this should be no problem at all.

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calgal

Thanks

Actually posting this thread and getting replies has been really helpful in informing me a whole lot more on the virus, I read thru the site in and out and learnt so much that I didn't know before. So I have actually informed him on all the cold sore stuff and how he probably has it so has a natural defence against it, etc. we said we would keep in contact until he talked to a doc so I wanted to tell him this sooner rather then later and I worked nights all week and him days so unfortunately I had to send him an email. He said he would read it and we will talk when were both not working. So I'm really hoping he sees how common this is and how for him to be with someone like me whose informed and will do anything and everything to prevent it from spreading. He can easily get it from a girl through oral sex the way I got it from my ex-boyfriend so I just hope he comes to realize that. If not, I am now more informed so that initial talk with another guy I will have all the info at the time not and not a week or two later.

Thanks for the reply!!

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