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Sunshine2you

I always feel like I have a secret!

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Sunshine2you

Hi Everyone,

I've been having a rough time this weekend. :( Usually I do pretty well with thinking positive thoughts about myself and my future, but for some reason I feel very sad this weekend. Maybe it's because I went out a little this weekend and saw lots of couples together having fun. I just feel like I'm never going to enjoy dating again.:( People will tell me I'm special, pretty, kind, a good catch, etc., and all I can think is "If only you knew I had herpes..." I know this is not the right kind of thinking, and I would never think less of someone who has herpes, but for some reason, I just can't be that kind to myself. It's almost as if I'm afraid of even trying to date and attract someone anymore because I'm so afraid of the possible rejection and heartache. I'm almost 34, and I would really like to find love one day...how do I get my heart back in the game?

Thanks for reading my post. You have all been so wonderful and supportive so far, and I just thought I would reach out to you all now. I'm sure I'll be feeling better again in a few days. ;)

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sweetestlove

Sunshine2you keep your head up. I felt the same way especially after being married only 6 months. I thought all kinds of thoughts this past week. I kinda self diagnosed myself (because of the herpes on my mouth, but now possibly on my genitals) and is awaiting results this week. I felt like the leopard mentioned in the bible that no one cared to be around. However, I had to change my thought process because EVERYTHING happens for a reason.

If it makes you feel any better the person that you walked next to today has herpes. The unfortunate thing about it is they don't even know they have it. You do and you can treat yours. Just remember that you aren't alone and when you need to cry do just that but don't blame yourself for something you had no control over. I just pray for the best for you and doctors and scientist can find a cure for this infection that has affected so many GOOD people.

Best wishes and good luck!!

sweetestlove

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downtime

having a secret

I know exactly how you feel...When i get around a group having fun, making sexual remarks , i think the same thing "If only you knew"...It puts a quick damper on things! I too am afraid to even think about dating or having a serious relationship. Fear of rejection has lead me to just enjoy other avenues of my life.. I try to spend quality time with family and friends. But the thoughts are there also " If you Knew". I have accepted the fact that this is not going away, but the thought that " I have a secret " is haunting to say the least....

I am focusing on getting as healthy as possible -- then i will tackle the relationship thing..I have decided to try yoga and meditation to ease the negative thoughts. I have started a high alkaline diet, & that research keeps my mind occupied---- what to eat ,what not to eat is a constant battle..

Hang in there! Keep telling yourself this is a skin disorder and getting healthy will help the symptoms and hopefully create a more positive outlook overall.:(

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pazdelmar

Sweetestlove is right. The person next to you may have herpes as well, and that person may know it or not. But what matters is that your life does not have to stop because of herpes. Everyone has secrets, and much darker ones than herpes; it is ok that you keep yours because it isn't something that everyone needs to know. Many people have cold sores and they are not afraid of anyone knowing it, but they are not telling everyone that they have it, right? So keep your head up. If you wish to date, do so and don't be afraid. If the moment of telling someone that you have herpes comes, just make sure that that person know a lot about you before you tell him. That way, herpes will not have much weight to stand with.

Take care,

Paz

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