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I always feel like I have a secret!


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Hi Everyone,

I've been having a rough time this weekend. :( Usually I do pretty well with thinking positive thoughts about myself and my future, but for some reason I feel very sad this weekend. Maybe it's because I went out a little this weekend and saw lots of couples together having fun. I just feel like I'm never going to enjoy dating again.:( People will tell me I'm special, pretty, kind, a good catch, etc., and all I can think is "If only you knew I had herpes..." I know this is not the right kind of thinking, and I would never think less of someone who has herpes, but for some reason, I just can't be that kind to myself. It's almost as if I'm afraid of even trying to date and attract someone anymore because I'm so afraid of the possible rejection and heartache. I'm almost 34, and I would really like to find love one day...how do I get my heart back in the game?

Thanks for reading my post. You have all been so wonderful and supportive so far, and I just thought I would reach out to you all now. I'm sure I'll be feeling better again in a few days. ;)

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Sunshine2you keep your head up. I felt the same way especially after being married only 6 months. I thought all kinds of thoughts this past week. I kinda self diagnosed myself (because of the herpes on my mouth, but now possibly on my genitals) and is awaiting results this week. I felt like the leopard mentioned in the bible that no one cared to be around. However, I had to change my thought process because EVERYTHING happens for a reason.

If it makes you feel any better the person that you walked next to today has herpes. The unfortunate thing about it is they don't even know they have it. You do and you can treat yours. Just remember that you aren't alone and when you need to cry do just that but don't blame yourself for something you had no control over. I just pray for the best for you and doctors and scientist can find a cure for this infection that has affected so many GOOD people.

Best wishes and good luck!!


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having a secret

I know exactly how you feel...When i get around a group having fun, making sexual remarks , i think the same thing "If only you knew"...It puts a quick damper on things! I too am afraid to even think about dating or having a serious relationship. Fear of rejection has lead me to just enjoy other avenues of my life.. I try to spend quality time with family and friends. But the thoughts are there also " If you Knew". I have accepted the fact that this is not going away, but the thought that " I have a secret " is haunting to say the least....

I am focusing on getting as healthy as possible -- then i will tackle the relationship thing..I have decided to try yoga and meditation to ease the negative thoughts. I have started a high alkaline diet, & that research keeps my mind occupied---- what to eat ,what not to eat is a constant battle..

Hang in there! Keep telling yourself this is a skin disorder and getting healthy will help the symptoms and hopefully create a more positive outlook overall.:(

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Sweetestlove is right. The person next to you may have herpes as well, and that person may know it or not. But what matters is that your life does not have to stop because of herpes. Everyone has secrets, and much darker ones than herpes; it is ok that you keep yours because it isn't something that everyone needs to know. Many people have cold sores and they are not afraid of anyone knowing it, but they are not telling everyone that they have it, right? So keep your head up. If you wish to date, do so and don't be afraid. If the moment of telling someone that you have herpes comes, just make sure that that person know a lot about you before you tell him. That way, herpes will not have much weight to stand with.

Take care,


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    • WilsoInAus
      Hi there @ScubaSteeve and welcome to the website. If you have had genital HSV for 10 years there is a chance the testing did not distinguish type. The answers to the following questions will help a bit: - where are your outbreaks specifically and what frequency? - have you had any IgG antibody testing for HSV?
    • CHT
      Hi LLS.... I'm very sorry you are having so much discomfort from this outbreak.... the first outbreaks are always the most troublesome but  they will get less aggressive as time passes.  I personally find that valacyclovir is much more effective than just acyclovir so you may want to ask your doctor about switching and seeing if that helps.  Ask your doctor on Saturday if you really need to take a higher dose.... and as WilsoInAus suggested, I would ask for a 1,000 mg tablets with at least a 90 day supply to start.  As for pain, you may want to ask your doctor for a Rx of Zovirax ointment.... it contains acyclovir and the ointment form calms the sores down and reduces friction.... it should lessen the pain down there. As for diet, many people, myself included, learn what foods often act as triggers for outbreaks.  I can tell you from experience that the following are big outbreak triggers for me:   1. Too much caffeine (I've basically stopped coffee and have learned to enjoy a variety of decaf teas) 2. Any kind of nuts - including corn and even popcorn 3. Chocolate 4. Too much alcohol - particularly red wines  5. If possible, avoid any kind of steroids/immunosuppressants like prednisone in high doses.... anything that suppresses your immune system will give the virus free rein to run amuck - I learned this the hard way! 6, Stress.... although easier said than done, it will help with your overall health.  Studies show that stress is a common HSV outbreak trigger.... try to find a way to lower your stress levels. 7. lack of sleep.... personally, if I get less than 6  hours of sleep this often leads to an outbreak within a day or two.... work at getting a good 7-8 hours of solid sleep each night (I often use melatonin to help here). Some people find certain vitamins that boost the immune system, like zinc, help with overall healing and can lessen the severity of outbreaks and possibly prevent some outbreaks.  I personally take a number of antiviral/anti-inflammatory/anti-oxidant herbs/vitamins not so much for my HSV2 but for overall health (I don't have the healthiest of diets so, I feel I need to supplement to offset my lousy diet).  A google search of supplements that help with herpes will provide you with a long list of vitamins/herbs that may be of benefit but, try not to get carried away - many/most won't make much, if any, difference.... but, you can always experiment. As WilsoInAus also mentioned, a healthy diet is likely your best option. I should also mention that while some find vitamin C to be helpful, I found it to have the opposite effect.... the more I took the more it seemed to provoke outbreaks.   Things are always the toughest after initial infection.... it's going to get better, trust me.  Stick with the antiviral meds daily, try not to obsess on the fact you've contracted this virus, and try to avoid some of those triggers relating to outbreaks.  With time the number of outbreaks starts to decline and when you do have an outbreak, they will become less virulent. As WilsoInAus mentioned, a lot of your achiness, pain and overall flu-like symptoms are related to the fact your immune system is adjusting to this virus.... these lousy symptoms are just your immune system in action working to do its best to fight this virus... with time these symptoms will also lessen and disappear.   I hope this helps in some way.... please let us know if you have more questions.... and remember, go easy on yourself right now.... turn to those things in your life that calm you and also distract you from obsessing over the virus situation.  You are going to be just fine.... just give yourself some time to get past this initial unpleasant phase.... it will get better, I promise.    
    • Justme88
    • ScubaSteeve
      I was diagnosed with HPV2 ten years ago, which I contracted from an ex-girlfriend who was unaware she had it. Since then, I've lived a reserved life, not really opening up to others. There was only one person I felt interested in enough to share this with, but it didn't work out. There have been a few instances where I've let my guard down, had a night out, and ended up sleeping with someone. I know I should feel guilty about not discussing it beforehand, but I found it challenging because they know my family, and it felt overwhelming at the time, and I had alot of pent up desires from not ever being with someone for a long time.  After finally opening up to someone and realizing it wasn't the end of the world, I now understand that finding the right partner might be a matter of numbers. I desire to have more intimate relationships but need to find better ways to approach this topic and ensure I never spread it.  Thank you all for providing a space where I can be myself.
    • i82much2young
      My swab results won’t be ready for another 5 days. Is there any harm is continuing the Valacyclovir? I was prescribed 1gm tablets for 10 days.
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