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OpenyourMind

Trying to keep up..

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OpenyourMind

It has been a month a go that I have contracted HSV-2. I was seeing this guy for more over than 2 months and that day in December the condom teared. Since then, I was noticing this enormous itching and inflamed feeling down there. After two weeks it was the worst..by that time I got those highly inflamed bumps and maybe tears as well. It would hurt soo much going to the toilet to urinate, I couldn't even touch it down there. I went to the doctor and she said it didn't look like herpes, did run some tests for STD's and just passed me on with medication for yeast infection, after a few days it all cleared up, of course still having the wounds but those weren't hurting anymore. But I knew from reading that it was normal with this time frame that it would be clearing up, if it were to be herpes. Two weeks later she called me, telling me I don't have any STD's but that she couldn't test it for herpes, but that is very unlikely that I have it. By that time I got my period and after my period, the itching had started again. She said this is a typical thing for a yeast infection and she prescribed capsules for the yeast infection. Since then I didn't feel anything anymore. But then a big red THING appeared on my cheek..I didn't think much of it..Just a big fat zit. But it stayed there for a while..and started to crust a bit..and it looked filled with reddish fluid.. I knew then that I must have self-infected myself..Still I desperately hoped it was just a zit and tried to pop it..now my lip is highly inflamed..I try to cool it down with ice..I am becoming paranoid, washing my hands sooo many times. At a certain point I was just staring at my fingertips thinking I got infected on my hands too. Fortunately, that is not the case.. SIGH..! I am trying to break down the inflammation on my lip by putting ice on it. But geeeez...I have been so confused and angry and emotional about this. I feel as if time is standing still..I cannot think of anything else, and that is why I decided to post this up..To share my story. The guy has been lying to me as I called him to tell him what is up and that I got tested, and that he should run tests too..I would notify him as soon as the results were in and I did tell him and he told me such an unlikely story how he was tested too and didn't have anything..LIARRRRR...Anyway, don't wanna go into details about him and the way he lied that makes me even more annoyed. Well bottom line, I am not seeing him again and he got along with that choice. I can't even think about sex in a while now..And it is annoying because I am a sexual person..But now at this point I feel just disgusted..I know it will fade with time..but for now..I don't wanna think of sex. I was keeping my best friend updated, while awaiting the test results etc. and she was soo disgusted by the thought of herpes and how awful it is etc. that I just haven't told anyone about this. This will be a secret, I am not seeing anyone anyway and not planning to for a long time. I am aware that I should be living healthy to prevent outbreaks, I have been researching so much on the internet. I know what to do, keep away from stress. And I am trying very hard. It is funny as I have always been a very stressed out person..Maybe sometimes for no reason, come to think of it now.. So that's probably a good thing. The difficulty I am having now is just trying to move forward and get out of the state of shock I am in.. It is there, the virus is there..Done..Nothing to do about it. Don't wanna think about what ifs..But they keep on popping in my head. I try to keep my head high..

I truly think that there are sooo many people infected with this virus and not even aware. Am I happy that I found out? No..But I do believe it is better to know what is going on with your body in order for you to find ways to better the conditions and live healthy to prevent these outbreaks. I never thought this could happen to me..But here I go...It happened alright.. It is a comfort to have found this website and all the posts, makes me feel I am everything but alone. I hope for the AIC316 to be successful..I have hope. Let's all just trying to keep up..

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BML

Hi there, i'm new to this also. I contracted HSV-2 about 5 months ago, i have to say though that i don't have very severe OBs and they don't cause me any pain(yet). I suppose I can be thankful for that, however that doesn't help in any way as I still go through every day knowing its there and feeling as though I can't live my life to the fullest. I'm very confused as the doctor said I may have had it for a while, I split up from my ex girlfriend last august in what wasn't a very nice break-up to put it mildly and slept with someone shortly afterwards and used protection. I was on a weekend away when this happened so not only do I not know the person I slept with, I cannot contact her to ask if she has it or tell her to get checked. I am left with another dilema, if ive had it for longer than i thought my ex may also have it but after going through everything that happened with her i wouldnt even know where to begin to tell her. I really don't know what to do.

I am also praying the results of AIC316 are succesful, in fact that is currently the main thing that gets me through the day even though i know nothings guarenteed. I can't say that the restrictions on sex are the worst thing for me, I love being in a relationship and just having someone there but I can't see that happening anytime soon as I couldn't tell anybody about this just yet, i mean how do you begin a relationship knowing that you have herpes and before you get intimate you have to tell?

I haven't told anybody about this and feel as though I am fighting a losing battle on my own. This website has been a big help but not having anybody close to you to help is difficult.

I'm very sorry to hear about your situation, nobody should have to go through this, especially if someone knew they had it and gave it you!

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OpenyourMind

Hello BML,

this feels so much better, to have people sharing their stories and emotions regarding this stupid virus. I am so sorry it went that way for you. It is possible you have had the virus earlier and wouldn't have noticed then. Isn't there some blood test that can show how long the virus has been active?

I understand what you're saying about going through every day knowing it is there..I go to sleep with it and wake up with it..I even dream of it..Hopefully this will lessen with time. I am dreading a recurrent outbreak, as the first has been so traumatising.

Your situation is extremely difficult, do you still have contact with your ex? Hopefully, you did not have it before so she hasn't contracted the virus. And if so, she'd probably would have noticed something and contacted you?

At this point, I just feel I don't want to be physical with anyone.. What if the virus is active, but the outbreak so minor you don't even notice..The chance of infection is huge then. I think I should get to know my body better first.

I am happy that I am at a point in my life that it is actually beneficial for me not to have a relationship; I am graduating soon, want to travel etc. But I do think that the virus will limit me in trying to look for potential partners at some point. So settling for a relationship isn't going to happen anytime soon, I reckon.

I really wouldn't know how to tell your potential partner, I know I wouldn't be delighted to hear something like that. I guess many people might think of the risks attached of getting infected with the virus and back out. But that's a general thought, there will always be some people who are willing to live with the risk.

So, I know it is not the smartest thing to keep hopes up that high for AIC316..But that's what I am doing. Same as you, that's what gets me through..Thinking it might not take that long anymore. I have read many comments how it might take 3 years for it to be on the market if the drug were to be successful. And then I read others saying it could be on the market in 2012..I just wish it will be successful and it will be placed on the market as soon as possible, as there are too many people that are suffering.

I feel as if I am not the person I was before, as if I have some kind of disability. Feeling that I am my own best friend, cannot trust anyone and just keep everything close to myself. Just living with this dark secret. That's why I am thankful that there is such a website like this, encouraging people to share their stories, thoughts, frustrations and hopes.

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BML

I do still have contact with her but not much as its been a very difficult break-up for many different reasons that I won't bore you with. I would have thought that she would have had syptoms by now so I just pray she doesn't have it because as bad as it sounds, I really don't have it in me to tell her.

I feel exactly the same as you by the sounds of things, feel like a shadow of my former self all because of the virus. This time last year I was the happiest person in the world, I had a great girlfriend, I have my own house, my own business, great family and friends but it all means nothing now and would give it all up to get rid of herpes (with the exception of my family and friends).

I know I can't pin all my hopes on AIC316 but it does seem promising and with the results from phase 2 scheduelled to be out early this year, maybe just maybe it could be on the market sooner than we think.

I know exactly how you feel about being physical with someone but would you not consider it with using protection?

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OpenyourMind

I really hope that she did not contract the virus and I do understand you don't have it in you to tell her about your condition. But, I personally appreciate honesty. It shows you care.

I get what you're saying how you were so happy last year. That's what I've been thinking too..I had it all going for me last year. And now this year I start with a virus that is not to be cured yet. I also realise I have been worrying about so many small things that actually didn't matter. Now I am stuck with something concerning my health, that is something really distressing.

I don't want to think about being physical, so I won't look for anyone to be physical with. I am a type of person that when shuts down, is totally shut down. So probably I will keep myself closed from anything or anyone for a while.

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BML

I really wish i could tell her, I think the thing that scares me most is telling her then finding out she doesn't have it because although it would be great to know she doesn't, I don't want anyone to know I do and I really have no idea how she would react.

I sometimes feel like if i were to meet someone id have to tell them almost right away but the fear of rejection and the worry of my secret getting out is unbearable.

Have you thought about herpes dating sites?

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OpenyourMind

See, I think that if she would've noticed something was going on with her, she'd probably would have contacted you to ask what is going on with you.

I can't even imagine sharing it one day with someone I like and see some future with..I actually don't even want to think about it, gets me depressed.

I haven't thought about that. I don't really feel like dating and finding someone anyway. Have you been on them?

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BML

Im sorry you feel like that, its no way to live life and I do understand because I feel the same way. However I think if things continue the way they are doing im going to have to do something about it which may include telling people, perhaps a potential partner. You never know how someone may react, the fear of rejection is horrible but some people may accept it.

I have been on one of the sites, it called H-ype. It is a very good site as it allows you to talk to people in the same situation and you don't have to date, its a good place to make friends. You should try it, it may make you feel a bit better. I haven't been on a date from it but have made some friends.

Where are you from?

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OpenyourMind

I don't know how I will feel, I guess I can have a better view with time. Now it's all just new and I feel so annoyed, promising myself I'll try to keep this secret for as long as possible. I think indeed after a while you will feel you want to tell somebody and talk about it.

The site sounds good, I might consider it at some stage when I really feel like talking about my situation.

I am from the Netherlands.

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BML

Well keep your chin up and if you do try out the site look for BL04 if you fancy a chat.

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