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hannah143

i think i have herpes, doctor appointment booked, but my life is over

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hannah143

iv just signed up and basically im pretty sure i have herpes, i have a doctors appointment on monday.

i broke up with my ex just before christmas, and iv been sleeping with my new bf since about the 8th january only 3 times in the first week and we've been together for almost 3 weeks.

on monday i noticed spots around my vagina, and on tuesday i saw my bf had a nasty cold sore on his lip, thats when i knew oh no i bet iv got herpes.

but i dont know if i got it from my ex or past bfs or from my new bf and im not sure how to tell him.

im pretty sure he will finish with me, part of me hopes he gave it me so that means he has it too, he knows how i feel so will stay with me.

but if he does finish with me how am i ment to meet other men, no man will want to be with me now and all i want out of life is to get married and have children, and even having children is going to be complicated now :(

any advice?

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Bababooey

First of all, if he has a cold sore then he has herpes too. So why would he break up with you if you test positive for it? You probably don't have anything to worry about there.

But if he does break it off with you, rest assured that your life is not over. I have had herpes for 7 years, both genital and oral. I have had several relationships over the past 7 years, and have never been turned down because I have H. Herpes is a very common virus, and it is estimated that 80% of the adult population has it in one form or another. The social stigma of Herpes is WAAAAY worse than the virus itself, so it is all about educating your future partners. I have been with my current girlfriend for 3 years, we have a very active sex life, and I have not passed the virus on to her.

Be sure to read the informative articles to the right of this page. I also recommend that you have your boyfriend come here and do some research for himself. You will find that once the initial shock wears off, having this virus is really not a big deal at all. It shouldn't keep you from living a completely normal life, or from doing anything you want to do.

Come visit the Chat Room. There are many people there eager to answer your questions and offer their support.

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ScaryJimmy

My advice would be to wait until you've seen your doctor. It can be very difficult to self-diagnose HSV.

And, even if you have contracted HSV, you would likely have HSV-1. Your current boyfriend would be highly immune to catching the virus that he passed on to you. The same goes for anyone who's been exposed to cold sores at some point in their life (between 70 to 80% of the population). And, if it is HSV-1, most people will not experience very many outbreaks in the future.

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hannah143

thanks for your answer, do u think he has genital herpes like me, because either he gave it me or he's probably got it off me if i got it from an ex. if he does have it does that mean we can still have unprotected sex and if he doesnt have it then what can i do to not spread it to him or future partners.

do you have any advice on how to tell him? i was thinking texting him so i can think about what to say and i dont get any interruptions, i just dont know how to say it in a way that won't scare him away.

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Bababooey

If you both have genital HSV, then you can have unprotected sex. The only issue may be if either of you are having an active outbreak, it may be painful. But other than that, if you both have it, then you have nothing to worry about. If he doesn't have GHSV, then you just have to take some precautions. The biggest one is to not have sex during an active outbreak. I usually wait about a week after an outbreak is completely gone to go back to having sex. Obviously, having him wear a condom will also reduce the risk. To further reduce the risk, you can go on suppressive meds. Suppressive medication is said to reduce your chance of transmission by 50%. In fact, a combination of suppressive meds and condoms reduces your chance of transmission to about 1% if you avoid sex during an active outbreak.

As far as telling him, I would recommend turning it around. Tell him you noticed that he had a cold sore, and ask him how long he has been getting cold sores. For all you know, he may have gotten the since he was a kid. Whatever he tells you, mention that you are asking because you recently noticed you have a few cold sores on your vagina. Then just go from there.

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Bababooey

Here is an interesting thread regarding Transmission Rates of GHSV2:

http://www.herpes-coldsores.com/mess...eryone-worried

In short, if you do nothing other than avoid sex during OBs, the risk of passing it to your partner is about 4%. If you go on suppressive meds, that risk gets cut in half to 2%. If you go on meds AND wear condoms, the risk is 1%. So if you choose not to go on meds, the risk of passing it on is very low as long as you avoid sex during OBs (and I would recommend using condoms if you want to be extra safe). That being said, there is still a risk, and your partner needs to know and except that risk.

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ScaryJimmy
thanks for your answer, do u think he has genital herpes like me, because either he gave it me or he's probably got it off me if i got it from an ex. if he does have it does that mean we can still have unprotected sex and if he doesnt have it then what can i do to not spread it to him or future partners.

do you have any advice on how to tell him? i was thinking texting him so i can think about what to say and i dont get any interruptions, i just dont know how to say it in a way that won't scare him away.

I wouldn't say anything until your doctor's appointment on Monday. Your description of "spots" is pretty non-specific. At your appointment, your doctor will obviously give you a visual exam. Ask your doctor to take a swab of the area, and draw blood for a Type-specific IgG test.

You need to know whether actually have HSV (and which Type) before you need to worry about testing your boyfriend, coming up with strategies to prevent transmission, etc.

Let us know how it goes.

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hannah143
I wouldn't say anything until your doctor's appointment on Monday. Your description of "spots" is pretty non-specific. At your appointment, your doctor will obviously give you a visual exam. Ask your doctor to take a swab of the area, and draw blood for a Type-specific IgG test.

You need to know whether actually have HSV (and which Type) before you need to worry about testing your boyfriend, coming up with strategies to prevent transmission, etc.

Let us know how it goes.

by spots, they are more like sores, at first it was just one but now i have quite a few, they hurt and they are really itchy, but yh ur rite il just see wot my doctor says and she shud be able to give me some advice on how to manage having herpes.

im just gona find it so hard to tell my bf, we've only known each other for a month and with the stigma of herpes i can just see him running 100 miles and its gona b hard to find sum1 whos gona love me more than risking themselves getting herpes, thats my main worry tbh.

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Runnergirl32

Hi Hannah143,

I have only had HSV for a month, but I had a similar situation...and the guy did not run 100 miles. In fact, he said any guy that would leave me because of HSV was an idiot....and I shouldn't want to be with someone like that anyways. We broke things off recently, for reasons not at all related to H, but he was right about that one thing. People worth being with won't leave you because of HSV.

On a related note, if you think dating will be hard just check out a herpes dating site. There are tons of men out there with HSV too. I'm actually about to cancel my membership on PositiveSingles after only ONE week--because sooo many men are writing me and I can't keep up!

So, what Im saying is...don't worry about dating and don't settle!! :) **hugs**

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