Patterns

[officefan]

It's been a week since my diagnosis(ghsv2). My doc noticed a little (stingy) pimple on the right side of my labia (I thought it was an ingrown hair)--it went away in less than a week and now there's a little rash along with one hard (painless) pimple on the other side. This has been there for over a week. If the first sore was an initial infection and I got another a week after that healed on the opposite side which one will be the spot I get reoccurrences in? I've read a lot online about this type of initial infection pattern--the first ob heals and you get another ob immediately after--and I was wondering if anyone here experienced this. If so--what has been the frequency of subsequent obs? I know everyone is different but I suppose we are all searching for reassurance.

I'm really not handling this well. I cry every day. I look at old photos and see someone young and untainted. I had just started seeing this great guy (and had just dumped another, toxic guy who I probably got this from) and he's been away for the week so I havent told him yet. I may have to tell him tonight or tomorrow--and this damn rash is still lingering so my "no big deal" speech will probably fall flat. If I infected him I will hate myself forever.

[RealisticGal]

It's been a week since my diagnosis(ghsv2). My doc noticed a little (stingy) pimple on the right side of my labia (I thought it was an ingrown hair)--it went away in less than a week and now there's a little rash along with one hard (painless) pimple on the other side. This has been there for over a week. If the first sore was an initial infection and I got another a week after that healed on the opposite side which one will be the spot I get reoccurrences in? I've read a lot online about this type of initial infection pattern--the first ob heals and you get another ob immediately after--and I was wondering if anyone here experienced this. If so--what has been the frequency of subsequent obs? I know everyone is different but I suppose we are all searching for reassurance.

I would love to be able to reassure you that any future outbreaks will be mild or not at all. But there is no way, as you said yourself, to know what your unique pattern will be. The good news is that the majority of folks who have HSV have milder outbreaks. The folks who have a horrible time with it are the ones in the small minority.

I can't say for sure, but my theory is that more than likely both of those sores you have had are part of your primary outbreak, rather than a first and second OB. Herpes means "to creep," because of the way the sores spread and keep forming.

It is actually most typical for the sores to spread and continue forming new ones during a single outbreak, and typical first outbreaks can last several weeks or more.

As far as this virus is concerned, the two spots you are describing are so close together as to count as the same place. Most likely, your recurrences will be somewhere right around that area. But it is also possible for them to show up anywhere in your "boxer shorts" area.

Usually, subsequent outbreaks are not as big nor do they last as long. You will just have to wait and see.

I'm really not handling this well. I cry every day. I look at old photos and see someone young and untainted.

Your reaction is totally normal, hon. The way you are feeling is how almost everyone with a new diagnosis of herpes feels. But you are not tainted. You have no reason to be ashamed. You have a stupid little virus that humans get. It doesn't discriminate about who it infects. It's job is to get as many humans as it can.

Did you know that about 80% of adults in North America have oral herpes? And about 20% have genital herpes. But about 70% of those folks don't even know it because they have never had recognizable symptoms and a diagnosis. HSV is a very common virus that many people have. I know that doesn't make it any easier for you to have it, but just know you are not alone. It is even possible the great new guy you are seeing could have one or the other or both.

Here's a little article that might help you see that the way you are feeling is normal, but also that you will probably start to feel better with a bit of time and education about herpes.

I Was Ashamed of My Herpes Until I Found Out...

I had just started seeing this great guy (and had just dumped another, toxic guy who I probably got this from) and he's been away for the week so I havent told him yet. I may have to tell him tonight or tomorrow--and this damn rash is still lingering so my "no big deal" speech will probably fall flat. If I infected him I will hate myself forever.

Yes, you'll need to tell him, as soon as you are ready. You should make sure you are prepared first.

The way you present the information tends to have a big influence on how the person receives it. So try to get yourself to a point where you are feeling calm. Find a nice, quiet place where you can tell him. Be prepared with information so you can answer his questions. There are fact sheets you can even print out on the right side of this page, in the links. >>>>>>>>

Don't make it into anything more than it is, a virus not unlike chickenpox or the flu. Try not to get all weepy or use negative language.

Just tell him exactly what happened. Tell him that on such-and-such a date you got a pimply thing and the doc decided to test it, and it turned out to be caused by HSV2. Let him know you don't know when you got it, and that he should be tested even if he has not had any symptoms. Let him know you are not saying he gave it to you, because there is really no way to know, that either one of you might have had it first.

Since you have been intimate, he needs to find out his status, that's all.

And no matter what his test results are, you can't blame yourself. You did not know you have HSV until just now. Just like so many other folks out there who don't know and area spreading herpes, you did not know. It is a sneaky little bastard of a virus, which uses this as a way to keep spreading. So even if he gets mad and tries to blame you for something, please do not blame yourself. You can't be responsible for something you knew nothing about.

And really, there is every chance HE gave it to YOU. Just because one guy is nice and the other is toxic, does not mean it was the toxic guy who had herpes and the nice one didn't. You can't tell. Herpes doesn't care who it infects, nice along with nasty, it gets anyone it can.

Take care...

[officefan]

I only think it was the "toxic" guy bc we engaged in some pretty risky practices and when I told him, his reaction was more "oops" than the shriek of mortification that came from the other guy I told (I dated this other guy over the summer and we're still friends--but we hooked up one more time in december). Incidentally this other guy--who is awesome--really wants me back now and is trying so hard to reassure me and cheer me up. (He wants kids and I don't but his luck with women since we broke up hasnt been the best and now he thinks he still has feelings for me and maybe he doesn't need to be a dad anymore. I can't rob him of his dream--the guilt would kill me. I'm trying to get him to move on--there have to be a ton of women in their 30's who want kids. I wish I could use herpes as an excuse but he isnt fazed by it. He's such a good guy.) We'll see how telling the third guy goes. I know--I was a bit promiscuous. But I had just come out of a 7 year relationship in which we never had sex and I wanted to see what was out there before I got too old. Rotten Luck.

[RealisticGal]

Yeah, the thing is you just can't really know for sure in most cases as far as the "who and when." You could be right. It doesn't really matter, though, does it?

Promiscuous is just a word. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Remember that there are folks here who acquired herpes from their first sexual partner who was their newly-wedded spouse, while other folks who have had countless partners do not happen to get it.

The guilt trip is pointless, IMHO. Herpes is not a punishment, nor is it something anyone "deserves" based on sexual behavior. Herpes is just a virus that does not discriminate in who it grabs. It's mission is to survive, which it does by spreading to every human it can.

Sneaky little bastard of a virus.

[officefan]

Yeah, you're right--I'll never know for sure. Not having concrete answers is another thing I hate about this disease. Thanks for all your great advice--I really appreciate your taking the time answer my posts. I know herpes doesnt discriminate but I cant help beating myself up about it and wishing I could go back in time. I suppose I'll feel a bit better after this ob is completely gone.

[RealisticGal]

The lack of certainty is probably one of the most frustrating things about HSV.

If you ever find yourself a time machine, will you let me know? There are bunches of things I'd like to go back and "correct."