I can't believe what I am reading...

[thereismoretome]

I got herpes from my first boyfriend, half a lifetime ago and had to live with it and not let it ruin my life. I had no-one to talk to or share it with. The stigma killed me and tortured me but in the years between then and now I have seen so many worse things happen to people I love - it gives you perspective. I am struggling at the moment which is why after all these years I have sought solace here. But I read some of the posts and it breaks my heart to think that anyone can think that a skin complaint (which is all it really is, even if it is a nasty one) is the end of the world. We are doing a gross disservice to those who really suffer - I've seen people I love die before their time from cancer, dissolve with alzheimers and all the rest. And if you gave them the choice between what they had and what we have, I know what they would have chosen. I am struggling now with this due to certain circumstances in my life but please write back if you want to share - I have lived with it for a very long time and have a whole heart of sympathy and empathy but also a story of how to overcome. There is more to life than this. The world is terribly cruel but if you let this ruin your life then you letting yourself down and no-one who knows you well would let you. Everything is relative but I promise, if you took away the stigma, the cruel jokes, jibes - it wouldn't be so bad.

[JBnATL]

Hi, welcome to the site. I too have had this many years and it has not stopped me from doing anything or anyone I wanted. I come here to show others that you can live a normal life with it.

Support groups help out a lot. Check www.herpes.org.uk to see if there is one near you that you could assist with.

Come to the Chat Room, there you will find many nice fellow Herpsters who can offer you their support.

Good luck!

JB

[thereismoretome]

JB, thanks for your message and welcome. It is so nice to hear someone else say the same thing. I just really want people to know who are new to this that it is very much not the end of the world. I read the things people write and how terrible they feel and having lived with it so long I know it doesn't have to feel that way 99 per cent of the time.

I will check out the link you sent and see if there is something I can help with.

Anyway, thank you again and good luck too.

[officefan]

How many outbreaks do you have a year now? And have you ever passed it on?

[thereismoretome]

After the first horrible outbreak I never got another one until a few years ago - I went almost 13 years without one. Perhaps I had very mild outbreaks and never noticed but I don't think I did and I never gave it to anyone. I was careful of course and always aware that I should be careful. until I had that bad outbreak a few years ago, I didn't realise it had started until too late - I really didn't, it had been so long - and I gave it to my partner which made me feel so terribly guilty I was beside myself. It felt worse than getting it in some ways - I never ever wanted to put anyone through what I had felt. I never meant to and if I could change the world and take it back I would a thousand times over but that isnt the way the world works. I haven't had it since then.

Hope that helps.

[whatnow12]

Much like how it physically effects us, how it mentally effects us is very different and extremely personal. I have a job a hate going to every day. It grinds at my soul. Does the fact others do not have a job mean I am not allowed to feel the way I do? Even though I hate it, I make a very good living. Does the fact I have been at it for decades and have an easier time of it make it any easier on a daily basis for those who just started in my field and can't make their rent or feed their family? It is helpful to let those new know it will get better over time, and that it could be worse. But I think calling it a skin condition and implying life goes on does a little bit of a disservice to some. There is after all an acne.org support site and that is a skin condition you can't accidentally give to someone you love or you want to love you. Why do they need that site? Aren't they doing a disservice to us? Should they shut down because we have it harder than them?

I am not trying to harsh on anyone taking the time to try and help others. I appreciate it tremendously and have been helped in many ways by this site. I just ask we be aware when we are talking about people we are talking about feelings, emotions, and psyches. Anything can be perceived as judging. Even accidentally implying one should not be feeling bad about having H, or a bad job, or a pimple on their nose.

WhatNow12

[skaterprincess]

I am new here. The first thing that struck me was the few people who were so depressed they are or have considered harming themselves, or are isolating because they think they are worthless. If anything, we should be pissed that more education, researcha and treament are not available. We are good people and this diagnosis does not change that. Peace!

[Sunshine2you]

I have been a member of this forum for almost two months (I joined the week I was diagnosed with HSV-2), and I have spent a lot of time reading different posts and replies to various threads. One thing I have noticed consistently is that each person deals with his/her diagnosis and symptoms in different ways. The majority (read-not all) of people newly diagnosed, like me, are devastated, shocked, confused, and scared, all very normal reactions. The threads posted by these individuals break my heart, not only because I know they are hurt and upset, but also because I often feel this way as well. I love reading the comforting posts from individuals who have dealt positively with their diagnoses and have learned to live their lives without letting herpes define them. While some members gain this perspective early, I've noticed that the majority of these individuals have been living with herpes for 5+ years. Though many of them are still upset, suffering from outbreaks, and dealing with herpes on a daily basis, they have had longer to deal with and accept their diagnoses. Please remember, everyone, that each person deals with things in his/her own time and manner. Herpes is a very personal issue. While there are definitely worse things in life, herpes is a very real and frightening diagnosis to a lot of us, especially those of us just diagnosed. I have lost my mother to a 12-year fight with breast cancer, lost my step-brother in a tragic accident, and take care of dying people every day as a nurse. I KNOW that there are worse things than having herpes. However, I am still devastated by my diagnosis and its implications, and I probably will be for awhile, as I am learning how to live with it and tell potential partners about it. Just like everyone else, I need time to grieve and accept my diagnosis for what it is, and I will do it in my own way. Hopefully, one day, I will be one of the more established members on this site, and I will be able to offer more words of wisdom and comfort to people.

Thank you for all of the posts on this thread, and thank you for reading my very long reply!