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Rowergirl33

18... and depressed

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Rowergirl33

i just found out i have herpes.

I feel like a major disappointment to my parents. I just told them and they are supporting me, but I know they are disappointed. They raised me better then this - i got drunk and had sex for my first time and contracted this disease. My mom started crying when we were talking about it later because she is worried about me, and sad for me because i will have to take medicine for the rest of my life and i will have to always be more aware. It just kills me that my parents love me so much and now I only have this to give them. I really just want to disappear and I wish they had never had me because then they wouldnt have to go through all of this. I'm in the middle of my first OB and i'm in a lot of pain both physically, emotionally, and mentally, and I have no idea what to do.

I'm just really sad because I really love my parents and I'm sad I've disappointed them so much.

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In it for life

Dear Rowergirl,

I am so sorry for your situation. I feel the despair in your words. And please know as a parent myself, your parents are feeling your pain. As you feel healthier and stronger so will your parents. We all make mistakes! This is not the worst mistake you could have made. We learn from our mistakes and that's what helps us to grow.

Also, you may or may not always need suppressive meds... as you read and learn more you will find that OB's become less frequent and less severe.

I have been hsv2+ since I was 21, I am now 47. I rarely have OB's, maybe once every 2 to 4 years and I know the triggers... so it is only then that I take meds. hardly noticeable

I have had a very happy healthy normal life. And you can too! (I have 3 grown children, 3 grand daughters and a grandson on the way) There are many quality men that will love you for you and the hsv will be a non-issue.

It is really devastating at first. And it takes some getting use to. But remember what this virus does psychologically is a bazillion times worse than what it does physically! Everything is going to be OK!!

I'm so glad you found this website... there are so many wonderful people to offer support and information. And it helps so much to know we're not alone.

Please feel free to send me a message if you need someone to talk to.

Keep your chin up! Take good care of yourself! Be strong and brave! And always remember you are a wonderful person!

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Indy Stylist

Oh sweetie, you remind me of myself at 18. I too got this virus at 18, I remember attending graduation with my first outbreak, which was horrible and very painful. When I look at my pictures of my graduation, I always think of the herpes. That's how I remember graduation! I am now 28 and you do NOT have to be on meds the rest of your life. I am married and we have a 2 1/2 year old daughter. My husband does not have herpes. You will have some ups and downs, but I promise you it's not as bad as society makes it out to be. The stigma is so much worse than the actual pain of H. I'm actually having an ob right now and it's mainly just a discomfort, an annoying discomfort. I wouldn't even say it's painful. And I don't get them very often. I hate the fact that I have this damn disease, but it is what it is and I still have to accept it all over again sometimes. I wish I was as strong as some of the other members on this board, it definately helps me to come on here and know that I am NOT the only one with this, even though it feels like it. I promise you, it will get better with time. PM me if you ever want to talk.

In it for life-That is awsome that you only get them every 2-4 years. Did you used to get them more often. It's encouraging to see how it can really wind down througout the years.

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CreativeMindd

@[uSER=29476]Rowergirl33[/uSER]

i know exactly how you feel because i just found out that i have genital herpes less than a month ago, and im only 20. It was actually a few days before Christmas last year. I didnt have to deal with telling both of my parents because I come from a single family home but telling my mom was probably just about as hard. She's always been supportive of me and everything i do. Im in college now, im a junior actually and she's so proud of me and how far ive come. So when i did tell her about it i felt like a huge disappointment to her. I felt i really let her down and shamed her as a parent cuz i thought she would feel like somewhere along the line of raising me she must of messed up in order 4 me to get this.....but to my surprise she didnt point the finger at me or tell me anything like must have gotten it being a **** or somethin...instead she comforted me and supported me. She's been there for me since i had the suspicion of me having the disease, and even more so after the doctor called back to tell me the breaking news of my test coming back positive. I have days i feel up and days i feel down....my down feelings especially come on when i have to take my acyclovir twice a day.

I broke down when i told my mom i was positive. i just felt like this is it, like this was the end of my life. I jus have a hard time getting over the fact that i got an std and a permanent one at that. I hate that i have to wake up and pop a pill everyday and make sure i take it again before i go to bed. Its rough...but you cope....i have, but not completely. My doctor said you do not have to take the pills everyday but thats the best treatment to do for at least a year after your first outbreak, then you can go ahead and take them as needed basically.

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CreativeMindd

dear In It For Life,

your advice to rowergirl33 was pretty helpful for me too. I've been struggling with negative thoughts of myself since i found out i had herpes. I just keep thinking of myself as a damaged good that no one will ever want to pay full price for, or pay anything at all...by this i mean I just feel no one will ever truly want me or love me for me. I feel like my life isnt normal anymore...even though the only thing thats really changed is me taking this medicine everyday. It kinda crushes my spirits when i have to sneak out my room or away from my friends to go take my pill.

My mom gives me a lot of encouragement and support. She keeps tellin me that im still ME, and that im still a PERSON...and eventually i talk myself into believing that and thank her for her words of wisdom but at the end of the day im still kinda not feelin what she's talkin about because she's not going through this, she doesnt have herpes so sometimes i dont take really feed into her advice and things.

Im glad i found this website because i've really been needing to talk to other people going through life with herpes. I need their advice not the un-infected peoples advice. So hopefully you wont mind giving me advice on here in these forums cuz i need it...i do. I just feel normal again. I wanna go back to being happy...i just need a little help and advice getting there

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In it for life

Dear CreativeMind,

I'm glad my post was helpful for you. And I can't say this enough to people who are newly diagnosed... EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK!! Really it is. Trust that with all your heart.

It is really very devastating when you are first diagnosed! The first OB's can be extremely painful and for many they come very frequently. Your life is not over, it has only changed in this way. This is a good time to read and learn all you can about hsv. And make sure you include articles on diet, exercise, controlling stress, and the like. There are MANY wonderful articles in the right margin... that's a great place to start.

There are stages of healing that you will go thru as you come to terms with what is now your 'new' normal :)

Acceptance and forgiveness are huge. Acceptance and forgiveness are both a process. And both will come in time. Accept yourself just the way you are! And forgive yourself and the person who gave this to you! We don't offer forgiveness to people who do wrong things to us for their sake, we offer them forgiveness for what it does for us - it frees us from anger and other negative emotions, which otherwise would be extremely bad for our physical and mental health. (they don't ever have to know that you have forgiven them)

As for getting back to being happy... it is empowering to know that Happiness is a choice. And we can't wait until all things in life are perfect to be Happy... otherwise we would spend most of our lives very unhappy. By all means give your self time and space to experience the emotions that you are having, but set a time limit. And then choose to be Happy.

I don't want to make that sound overly simplified... because you are going thru what I know feels like a very traumatic event. (but remember it is not the worst case scenario of std's!) Focus on the light at the of the tunnel :) This website is a great place to help you see and focus on that light! It is so very helpful just to know you are not alone! Keep reading and keep posting...

And you mom is right... You are still YOU! Don't lose sight of being the wonderful person that you are!

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In it for life

Darkeyedgirl,

My OB's were pretty frequent (maybe 2 to 4 times a year) when I was in my early 20's. But it seems that with each OB they became less severe each time, and more time in between... until now, 26 years later, they are hardly noticeable and very rare. I've read articles where others have had this same experience. And some stop having OB's completely. I think I'm almost there.

I also found that my mental focus played a huge part... if I started worrying about having an OB, then I would get an OB.... so I retrained myself to not worry about having my next OB..... (a little self hypnosis exercise) This takes some time, but is very effective :)

Hope this helps!

Have a great day :)

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Moment4Life

I was the same way when I found out that I got my herpes but my mom was very supportive of me and helped me get through and my grandparents help me through it as well:) When I caught it I was messing with the wrong person at the wrong time and they never told me that they had herpes... When I got this disease I was raped and I never reported it because I was scared of what people would think of me and to come and find out all I really need is my family not any one else because I really dont have a true friend but I thought I did but she started telling people that I had more then just the herpes and people looked at me weird and also they have thrown it up in my face but I just ignore it..... I have also had people tell me that I do deserve it but I tell you what and dont let any one tell u that u deserve anything like this or anything else because that just makes them look stupid... if u need someone to talk to I am here to talk to u... :)

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CreativeMindd

Thank you. I do think it will be easier for me once i come to terms or acceptance that i have hsv. I have been reading up onit and how i should take care of myself. Its been going pretty well....i made a few changes in my diet by adding a lot of things to it. I havent had an outbreak since my first one when i found out I had hsv. I do need to forgive myself and try to forgive the person that gave it me but its hard for me because I got it by cheating on my bf and im starting to think the person that gave it to me knew they had it and didnt tell me because a lot of things he has said and done since i told him i have it just dont seem normal.

Im taking you advice on picking a day just to start being happy...i still havent picked a date yet...but i am going to. Im glad I found this website because it has been helpful for me to see that other people are going through the same things as me

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CreativeMindd

Thank you. Yeah my moms been my only support system for this since i found out i got it. I dont want to tell any of my friends about my condition because i really think they would look at me in a different light or start distancing themselves away from cuz they think i have the "cooties". My moms concerned about me cuz almost everyday i cry about it and she tells me its not my fault but i cant help feeling that way because technically it is. If i would have never decided to drink that night i dont think i wouldve ended up cheating on my bf and getting herpes. And the part that really gets me is that we did use a condom....and i know you can still get herpes if you do or dont use a condom...i just wasnt thinking right that night. So i kinda feel like this is what i get/deserve for cheating. I have no idea how to go back home and tell my bf of 3 years that i cheated on him n have herpes now. He would be devistated. I told the guy that gave it to me and he was really mature about it...he even told me that he would help me with whatever i needed. But it was weird telling him because he acted so non-chalant about it. I thought it was a pretty big deal. He still hasnt even been to the doctor to get tested or get any medicine. He's been wantng to date me for like over a year now but i always told him no cuz i had a bf. then that night hapened. I go on xmas break and find out i have it and he calls me the next day asking me to marry him. Abd ever since school starting back he's been acting really overly protective. He calls me whenever he sees me asking who were those people i was with and why am i going here and there and why wont i be his gf still and when were gonna have sex again....its just all weird to me

I know if someone i slept with told me they have herpes i would definalty go get myself checked out. Im starting to feel like he gave this to me on accident and doesnt want to admit to me that he had it. But thank you for being there for me to have someone to talk to because i definatly need it. It really hepls me to talk to someone else that has hsv and isnt gonna look at me funny for it.

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Moment4Life

Your so welcome I am here if u need to talk I told all my friends and some of them did act weird and some didnt but i told them if they were going to act stupid then they really wasn't my friend in the first place... And the only people you need right now is just ur family not ur friends or bf because ur family can help u way more then ur friends and bf... So the dude that gave this to u wants to date u now and go and have sex again and if u do it really want hurt you because you now have it and so does he.... But he should of told u to begin with that he had herpes before sticking his dick somewhere it may of not belonged.... But go with ur heart and decide what you want to do bout the bf situation.... But do whats right for you not for them.....

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package deal

your parents are not dissappointed in you . You are very young yet but you will understand when you have your own childrfen someday. Your parents love you. Parents love knows no boundries. Nothing can distroy that. Because your their child and they love you they feel your pain. Parents always hurt ,for their children when they see them in pain. dont wish you were never born because you can bet your parents are not sorry you were born.

i know you are in pain. We all been there. Your first ob is usually the worst. and some people who get herpies never have another outbreak again, you could be one of these people.

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heff

I didn't read the rest of this thread, but why the hell would you tell your parents?

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CreativeMindd

you do need the support from them and if your young like me and a broke college student you might need the funds from them to get your medicine if you dont have healthcare....i didnt want to tell my mom but when it all came down to it i knew she would find out eventually plus i needed her car (since i dont have my own) to drive myself 2 the doctor appt and what not. and i thought my mom was gonna have like the worst reaction about it like look at me in a negative light and treat me like an outcast but she's been realllllllly supportive to me. she there for when i need to vent about having hsv or helpig me reach decisions like whether or not i should still be friends with the person that gave me herpes.....telling your parents isnt a bad thing....it could turn out 2b one of the best choices you made....u never know

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In it for life

try to just excuse heff's comment... he admits to not reading the thread... and his question was nothing short of crude.

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