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Not sure what im doing...


AwesomenessUnfettered

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Im still learning to use this site...this is all very new to me...finding support that is...Ive had this disease for 7 years and the reality of that hasn't gotten any easier to bear. I am usually depressed and i have a horrible view of myself since i found out. I have mostly the same opinion that i have seen others on this site have, which is that i will never find someone to spend my life with, simply because i have this incurable burden...I know how "normal" society views a person with my condition, since i used to view it the same way...i still kind of do, which is proving to be extensively debilitating, perceiving myself and others like me as a disgusting, contagious leper lurking around in the unassuming, cleanly cradle of society...a secret pariah of sorts...Im utterly sick of feeling this way, and i cant help myself from thinking that i either need to be cured or die, and that is an emotion that im finding is more than depressingly difficult to live with. I wish i had the positive outlook that i see others with my condition have...i wish i could view it as "no big deal", and be fully secure in knowing that the disease doesnt define me...but ive tried to feel differently for so long and i'm failing at it...the base of everything i know is that i have an incurable, highly contagious, sexually transmitted disease that can easily spread just by touch...i keep thinking about the Bibles wording of things like this, "ceremonially unclean"....UNclean. I wish i could shake that outlook, i really do, since its the ONLY thing i really have control of in this situation. I dont know, i guess im just looking for some constant, reassuring, fresh perspective. Trying to stop feeling like i want to die, just because of a skin disease....sorry if i brought anyone down through them reading this, but i think that the people on this site are the only types that could actually understand these kind of emotions...since im just tired of trying to make the "normals" see it my way...or feel what i feel....

thank you for reading this.

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I'm so sorry you are feeling this way, hon. :itllbeok:

There is nothing "normal" about the way society now views those who have contracted the herpes simplex virus. The way you are feeling is totally normal, and of course it is based on that stigma. But the stigma is new, manufactured, and totally false.

Herpes simplex is a virus, not unlike chickenpox or the flu. It does not make you dirty. Rolling around in the mud makes you dirty.

If the problem is that you had sex to get herpes, and you consider sex dirty, I don't much know how to help you with that attitude.

But when it comes to herpes, it is a virus that over 80% of human beings have. They have been getting it for THOUSANDS of years, but the stigma only came about a few decades ago. Someone here suggested it started around the same time acyclovir was invented. Well...isn't THAT an interesting coincidence? I think not!

So anyway, having herpes simplex makes you a typical human, statistically speaking.

I don't know if it will help you any, but I find this article helps some folks who are feeling the way you do at the moment.

I Was Ashamed of My Herpes Until I Found Out...

You know, when I was a kid going through sex education, herpes was not even considered worth mentioning. See how the stupid stigma has come about?

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Love your name! Now, get out there and unfetter your awesomeness! One of the thoughts/ideas I read on here that helped me the most when I first joined (and felt dirty, and ashamed, and icky) is that this virus is sooooo common. There are probably so many people out there you come in contact with every day who have herpes. I work at a hospital and read patient charts all the time. You'd be surprised how many people take acyclovir.

I totally understand what you mean when you talk about "normals." I often have grand ideas about ways I could help destroy the stigma. But nobody is "normal." We all have our burdens, our faults, our quirks and our wonderful qualities that make us who we are. Right now, after reading your post, I'm more concerned about your depression than you having herpes. Could it be they feed off each other? Have you thought of talking to a counselor? My guess (and only a guess) is that herpes is not the only reason you are depressed. Well, as someone who has battled both herpes and depression, I say it's time to get some help and learn to love that person who, deep down, chose a name for themselves they know describes them well.

Big hug.

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I just read through the original post here again, and I just want to mention that I am one of those so-called "normals." Only in that I am in the statistical minority who have neither type of HSV. But I have no trouble seeing the realities of this virus. Please consider what chatnoir said. Get a bit of help if necessary to deal with feelings of depression.

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  • 1 month later...

@ Chatnoir-

thank you for your words of encouragement....i am learning more and more how prevalent this disease is...i just wish so many people wouldnt brush it under the rug, hide that they have it or make horrible jokes about it, because for many people, like myself, it is a physically and emotionally debilitating disease that effects my state of mind everyday. I know it isnt just the GH that makes me depressed, but i think the parts of my personality that are passionate and deeply analytical only break down and magnify all the negatives about my situation, making whatever intrinsic sadness i may have about my life even more augmented in my mind...i do need help, or prayer or something to help me deal with my shame....but its an up and down rollercoaster...sometimes im okay with this...sometimes i wanna die. I just have to find the comforting factor that works for me....

thank you very much again, for caring enough to respond.

God bless

:)

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@ Realistic Gal-

thank you, i will continue to try and remind myself that i am not an unworthy pile...everyday is a battle, and im a deeply emotional person, so parts of my personality can exacerbate my depressed mental state...but im just trying to learn acceptance...day by day. Its a lot harder than it sounds...

thank you so much again for your caring words...i will check out the link...

God bless

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      Hey @WilsoInAus ok thank you, I will do my best to move on and stop trawling forums haha. 
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Without lesions, it is highly questionable that the ailment is related to herpes, yet testing is useful if you have concerns as you have done so.] About a month after that [herpes causes issues within days, if the first 'symptoms' are a month later - its extremely unlikely they are related to herpes], significant discomfort downstairs, however every test I have ever taken for HSV 1 and 2 has been negative. Here are the details: Face: Previously, some significant tingling and itching on the right side of my mouth, lips and chin (still there, but milder) [herpes does not cause general tingling and itching, it can cause a reasonably concentrated feeling of itch/throb from which a herpes lesion appears within hours]. Occasional hot flashes near my right eye, cheek and ear [herpes does not do this, it may be a immune response to something, or stress]. Sometimes it will feel like the skin is crawling on the right side of my face [herpes does not cause a general crawling sensation]. 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