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Im still learning to use this site...this is all very new to me...finding support that is...Ive had this disease for 7 years and the reality of that hasn't gotten any easier to bear. I am usually depressed and i have a horrible view of myself since i found out. I have mostly the same opinion that i have seen others on this site have, which is that i will never find someone to spend my life with, simply because i have this incurable burden...I know how "normal" society views a person with my condition, since i used to view it the same way...i still kind of do, which is proving to be extensively debilitating, perceiving myself and others like me as a disgusting, contagious leper lurking around in the unassuming, cleanly cradle of society...a secret pariah of sorts...Im utterly sick of feeling this way, and i cant help myself from thinking that i either need to be cured or die, and that is an emotion that im finding is more than depressingly difficult to live with. I wish i had the positive outlook that i see others with my condition have...i wish i could view it as "no big deal", and be fully secure in knowing that the disease doesnt define me...but ive tried to feel differently for so long and i'm failing at it...the base of everything i know is that i have an incurable, highly contagious, sexually transmitted disease that can easily spread just by touch...i keep thinking about the Bibles wording of things like this, "ceremonially unclean"....UNclean. I wish i could shake that outlook, i really do, since its the ONLY thing i really have control of in this situation. I dont know, i guess im just looking for some constant, reassuring, fresh perspective. Trying to stop feeling like i want to die, just because of a skin disease....sorry if i brought anyone down through them reading this, but i think that the people on this site are the only types that could actually understand these kind of emotions...since im just tired of trying to make the "normals" see it my way...or feel what i feel....

thank you for reading this.

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I'm so sorry you are feeling this way, hon. :itllbeok:

There is nothing "normal" about the way society now views those who have contracted the herpes simplex virus. The way you are feeling is totally normal, and of course it is based on that stigma. But the stigma is new, manufactured, and totally false.

Herpes simplex is a virus, not unlike chickenpox or the flu. It does not make you dirty. Rolling around in the mud makes you dirty.

If the problem is that you had sex to get herpes, and you consider sex dirty, I don't much know how to help you with that attitude.

But when it comes to herpes, it is a virus that over 80% of human beings have. They have been getting it for THOUSANDS of years, but the stigma only came about a few decades ago. Someone here suggested it started around the same time acyclovir was invented. Well...isn't THAT an interesting coincidence? I think not!

So anyway, having herpes simplex makes you a typical human, statistically speaking.

I don't know if it will help you any, but I find this article helps some folks who are feeling the way you do at the moment.

I Was Ashamed of My Herpes Until I Found Out...

You know, when I was a kid going through sex education, herpes was not even considered worth mentioning. See how the stupid stigma has come about?

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Love your name! Now, get out there and unfetter your awesomeness! One of the thoughts/ideas I read on here that helped me the most when I first joined (and felt dirty, and ashamed, and icky) is that this virus is sooooo common. There are probably so many people out there you come in contact with every day who have herpes. I work at a hospital and read patient charts all the time. You'd be surprised how many people take acyclovir.

I totally understand what you mean when you talk about "normals." I often have grand ideas about ways I could help destroy the stigma. But nobody is "normal." We all have our burdens, our faults, our quirks and our wonderful qualities that make us who we are. Right now, after reading your post, I'm more concerned about your depression than you having herpes. Could it be they feed off each other? Have you thought of talking to a counselor? My guess (and only a guess) is that herpes is not the only reason you are depressed. Well, as someone who has battled both herpes and depression, I say it's time to get some help and learn to love that person who, deep down, chose a name for themselves they know describes them well.

Big hug.

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I just read through the original post here again, and I just want to mention that I am one of those so-called "normals." Only in that I am in the statistical minority who have neither type of HSV. But I have no trouble seeing the realities of this virus. Please consider what chatnoir said. Get a bit of help if necessary to deal with feelings of depression.

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  • 1 month later...

@ Chatnoir-

thank you for your words of encouragement....i am learning more and more how prevalent this disease is...i just wish so many people wouldnt brush it under the rug, hide that they have it or make horrible jokes about it, because for many people, like myself, it is a physically and emotionally debilitating disease that effects my state of mind everyday. I know it isnt just the GH that makes me depressed, but i think the parts of my personality that are passionate and deeply analytical only break down and magnify all the negatives about my situation, making whatever intrinsic sadness i may have about my life even more augmented in my mind...i do need help, or prayer or something to help me deal with my shame....but its an up and down rollercoaster...sometimes im okay with this...sometimes i wanna die. I just have to find the comforting factor that works for me....

thank you very much again, for caring enough to respond.

God bless


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@ Realistic Gal-

thank you, i will continue to try and remind myself that i am not an unworthy pile...everyday is a battle, and im a deeply emotional person, so parts of my personality can exacerbate my depressed mental state...but im just trying to learn acceptance...day by day. Its a lot harder than it sounds...

thank you so much again for your caring words...i will check out the link...

God bless

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    • sgt98
      Hey @WilsoInAus ok thank you, I will do my best to move on and stop trawling forums haha. 
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @sgt98 but there is no feasible infection or outbreak to suppress and antivirals do not suppress an initial outbreak in any event 
    • sgt98
      Thanks @WilsoInAus I understand apologies for this but the only other thing I am worried about is that I did take a course of Famvir on day 1 as I felt like I was having an outbreak of cold sores and am worried that has suppressed the initial outbreak genitally 
    • WilsoInAus
      Hi @sgt98 it is not feasible to obtain a HSV-2 infection from receiving oral sex - only HSV-1 is feasible but you've already got that and immunity from any further infection with HSV-1. You do not need any further tests for HSV. You're feeling regret, try to forgive yourself and calm down, let the rational take over. You know the answer here and it won't be long until you believe it too.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hi @NerdP423 and welcome to the website. You raise a lot of points and I think the best way to address your concerns is add some comments at each key point. I've copied your note again below and added these comments in square brackets. I appreciate any insight (even speculation) as to what has been going on with me. I'm a 37y/o M. I last was intimate with a new partner on 2/11/2022, and a few days later started having a huge amount of discomfort in my face. [The first thing that happens though is that herpes causes lesions or at least some skin based disruption. Other symptoms are then related to the actions of the immune system responding to the virus. Without lesions, it is highly questionable that the ailment is related to herpes, yet testing is useful if you have concerns as you have done so.] About a month after that [herpes causes issues within days, if the first 'symptoms' are a month later - its extremely unlikely they are related to herpes], significant discomfort downstairs, however every test I have ever taken for HSV 1 and 2 has been negative. Here are the details: Face: Previously, some significant tingling and itching on the right side of my mouth, lips and chin (still there, but milder) [herpes does not cause general tingling and itching, it can cause a reasonably concentrated feeling of itch/throb from which a herpes lesion appears within hours]. Occasional hot flashes near my right eye, cheek and ear [herpes does not do this, it may be a immune response to something, or stress]. Sometimes it will feel like the skin is crawling on the right side of my face [herpes does not cause a general crawling sensation]. Never seen anything that looked like a traditional cold sore [that's extremely telling, even people with associated atypical symptoms will have experienced herpes lesions]. Occasionally, the left side of my face will have a momentary feeling of skin crawling, but it's so mild that I am not really worried about it. Downstairs: Thankfully, most of these are now milder than they were before. Occasional momentary pinch of pain at the base of my genitals. [herpes does not cause a general pinch feeling.] Aching pain in my boxer area (groin, leg folds) [nor this] Occasional feeling of cold in my boxer area, butt, or lower back. ( also in my shins and occasionally even my arms) [nor this] On 4/30/2022, I had been in discomfort for almost two months. I scratched an itch, noticed it hurt, and then checked - I did have an open ulcer down there. Took myself to the ER to get swabbed, came back negative. [If this was a PCR then this will be very conclusive.] Practitioner said it may come back negative because it was already open. However the lab report noted that it definitely didn't look like what you'd expect a typical first herpes outbreak to look like [how would the lab know??]. All blood tests negative so far. I had two western blots, the second one was nine months after exposure. [Two negative Westernblots!!! Many that's real convincing]. All other swabs also negative. I went to urgent care, because I know the timeliness of when the Swab is taken matters. One time, a swab was not done, because practitioner said it was folliculitis and wouldn't swab it (It was at my belt line). [Belt line is highly unlikely to relate to herpes.]   A blood test revealed I had low-ish B12 (technically in range, but at the very low end, especially for a man of my size). I had a series of B12 injections, and I am taking a B12 supplement. I am not taking any lysine or arginine at the moment. I was taking the Arganine to see if I could induce an outbreak. [This is irrelevant, there is no known linkage between herpes outbreaks and arginine/lysine intake - its a myth - and B12 infers nothing.] I think what I am asking is - has anyone here ever repeatedly tested negative over and over again over long period of time, before getting a definitive answer, be a positive test, or something else? [The answer to this is: Extremely few people with a HSV-1 infection and even more rarely HSV-2 test repeatedly negative on Westernblot and actually carry the virus. Of the cases that I know of that had delayed detection by a swab and negative blood tests in the meantime (and that's only 3-4 cases), they had some form of lesions within days of infection but did not obtain a swab for various reasons and then obtained a positive swab of a subsequent lesion with the record being 11 months later. A couple of the cases did have some 'background' symptoms they thought might be related to herpes but that isn't ascertained and some did not have any unusual symptoms at all apart from the lesions. Hence as you did not have lesions around your mouth or lips within days of the last sexual encounter as is exceptionally common for a primary oral HSV-1 infection, that pretty much rules out herpes orally as it is. The fact that you had no genital symptoms for a month also rules out genital herpes. I am not aware of anyone at all who has genuinely gone on to test positive by swab or blood in your specific circumstances. There are hundreds if not more than a thousand experiences on this website alone that are similar to yours that are truly negative for herpes I'm one of them!]  
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