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WANTS2talk

Need all the info and support i can get, please!

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WANTS2talk

Okay,

So I recently just found out that I have genital herpes, i feel very alone and dirty. I was in a relationship with the same person off and on since i was in the 5th grade. Me, never having intimate relations with anyone else. Now being 20 we decided to go are seperate ways and this has been the hardest thing ive ever had to do. He does know that he has it and that he gave it to me, but that isnt stopping him from moving on to the next girl or girls. I feel like I cant even talk to another person because they'll see right through me and be disgusted. Please im really sad

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norcallove

Hi. Welcome to this site. There is a lot of great information to the right and tons of supportive members who understand what you are going through. You are not alone - approximately 1 in 4 women and 1 in 5 men in North America have genital herpes. Approximately 80% of people have HSV1, which is typically oral. So you are definitely not alone. I know how you feel right now though, I felt alone when I was first diagnosed as well. I was diagnosed with GHSV2 a little over two months ago. I already feel so much better though. This site helped me a lot. You will see that you are not alone. You are also not dirty. This is a mostly harmless and pretty common skin condition. Don't make it out to be more than that. You are the same wonderful person you were before your diagnosis. I am so sorry your ex knew he had it and gave it to you.

Read the links to the right. Educating yourself about the virus should help you feel a little better. It is really just the stupid stigma that is the hardest part (well other than the physical pain during an OB). Post any questions you have. Also, after you have two posts you can join the chat room and talk to people in there. I hope you start feeling better soon. Let me know if you have any questions. I hope this helped a bit. Take care! :)

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WANTS2talk

Thanks for replying! With learning about it and reading peoples experiences I'm feeling a little better. I think the main thing im worried about is my future relationships. I mean, im talking to a guy right now that seems to be a "good one" and am just really embarrassed to tell him and his reaction or if he tells others. I know its more common then ppl make it out to be but will he mature about it? How long after you meet someone should u tell them?

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norcallove

You're welcome. I am glad you are starting to feel a little better. Some background on me - I had been with my bf for 4 months when I had my 1st OB. I had to tell him that I went to the doctors and it was H. I now believe it had been dormant in me for awhile. I was so nervous and scared (had a lot of the same thoughts as you - how will he react and what if he tells everyone. I basically was trying to brace myself for the worst case scenario). He was amazing. He said nothing changed and he still wanted to be with me. He was tested and is negative, but nothing changed in our relationship. We're doing great and we still have sex. I do take Valtrex daily. So, some people will accept this. How someone reacts shows a lot about their character.

My advice is to only tell someone before you get intimate with them (never after!) and if you can trust them. If you feel that you can trust someone enough to be intimate, you should be able to trust them with this information. Just take it slow and really get to know him and make sure you feel like you can trust him. When you give the talk, don't give herpes more credit than it deserves. If you make it a big deal, he will mostly react like it is a big deal. Educate yourself because he will most likely have some questions. I printed out a lot of stuff from this website for my BF to read. Read through different threads on here - there is a lot of good advice! Hopefully members who have successfully given the talk will respond as well. :)

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Margaux

Hey Wants, I have not had to have the talk with anyone yet, but have thought often about how it might go. I have not made a lot of decisions on what I WILL do and say, but I have decided on what I will NOT do when I give the talk. I will list them here and maybe these things will resonate with you and how you yourself might like to go about things:

1). I will not apologize for having herpes or for it being a part of the relationship. It's here, it's here to stay and it got here before the new partner.

2). I will not be embarrassed for having to have the talk. Having the talk shows my new partner I care, that I am honest and I am trusting of him to treat the information about me carefully.

3). I will not, in any way, present myself as being less, bringing less into the relationship or being a burden. A relationship that is sound, will have both my partner and myself as equals.

4). I will not lump herpes into the category of "baggage." It is a health condition that I am responsibly caring for and doing all possible to prevent transmission.

I wish you the very best in telling your new love that you have herpes. Go into that conversation proud of the honest person that you are. Honesty is absolutely everything. (((HUGS)))

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