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Too Soon to Tell?


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Hi, I've had HSV2 for 23 years now. Usually, I will hold off on telling someone until after a month or two and have had really good results thus far.

My predictiment is that I met someone via the net and we've been talking over the phone for a few weeks. He invited me to come visit him and I agreed. I wanted to tell him before I agreed to visit, but didn't have the nerve. He even told me that he is clean and I lied and told him that I too, didn't have anything. He asked me if I had any hidden skeletons in the closet and I told him "no". I had hoped that the weekend could be spent getting to know one another without getting sexual, but I think he has expectations that this is to happen. That is why I hate these types of situations...it seems it goes a lot faster than normal dating.

I have worried so much the last couple weeks and went back and forth on whether I should tell him, or make up an excuse like having my period while I was there. I mean, afterall, I'm not even sure if I want to have a long term relationship with this guy. But, he is soooooo nice.

So, this morning I sent him a long email stating my case. I keep checking to see if he has even read it yet, and he hasn't. He even called earlier and I didn't pick up. I want him to read the email first. I really don't want to explain it over the phone. I just told him the facts and also that I would understand and respect his decision no matter what it is. I'm awaiting his answer. The bad thing is, is that I have already purchased a plane ticket so I guess I'll just have to eat it and consider it a hard learned lesson.

I don't have a lot of hope that he will be accepting since we haven't even met yet. We've exchanged photos, talked via IMs and on the phone many times. I'm trying very hard to be optimistic but I'm not going to start packing until I get an answer back. My ticket is non-refundable, but I'm hoping that I can at least get a credit issued for a later trip to somewhere of my choice.

Have any of you ever been put into this type of situation? Or, make it a habit of telling someone right off the bat before a relationship is established? I'm scared to death right now.

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Well, after waiting all day for him to read the email, he finally did. He answered my email and then immediately called me to assure me that he is OK with it. He said he is one of the lucky ones in that he has never gotten cold sores nor had any type of breakout. He said that we will work around this and asked many questions regarding herpes, my breakouts and other aspects of the virus. He said that it is something that I did not choose and he is not a judgemental guy.

He was also kind enough to tell me that even if he had chosen not to pursue this with me, he would have paid me for my plane ticket because he knew it would be the right thing to do. He had already offered to reimburse me for it when I get there.

This has taken so much relief off of me. I was really down last night and have been stressing out over this ever since I bought my plane ticket. I now know that he is interested in more than just a sexual fling. He and I have talked a lot and even asked me today if things really click between us, would I be willing to relocate to his city. I hope he doesn't change his mind by the time I get there....if he does, then we will have a wonderful time anyway.

This is definitely proof that there are a lot of men and women out there who are willing to accept those of us with herpes. I think a lot of it does depend on how you tell them and my email to him was very matter of fact. He said it showed him that I have a lot of integrity and honesty and he thanked me for telling him up front instead of not telling at all. I allowed him to make his own choice and he certainly appreciated it. I can't imagine the stress and pressure if I had gone and not told him, or lied and said I had my period. I would have given myself a breakout just thinking about it.

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I'm so glad that he has taken it well and not judged you.These internet relationships can be hard.Just take it easy and slow when you meet him.Who knows if there will a spark or if you will just be good friends.Have a good time though no matter happens between the two of you.

There are some pretty decent people out there who don't judge about STD's.I think it really helps if they have educated themselves about it and know that if you do get an STD it doesn't mhave to mean a person is dirty or sleeps around.

Have fun!!

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That is fantastic! I too am one of the lucky ones that has found a guy that is so open and understanding.

I do think it is all about how you tell them. I told my now husband two weeks into our relationship. He was understanding, did some research, and said "Who cares? Its a skin disease." We waited on intimacy for a while though.

I hope you have a wonderful trip!

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Thanks so much Cherry and Belle!

Cherry, yes there are some good people out there. I think this guy might just be a keeper. I've talked to him twice tonight and he's still very positive and upbeat about seeing me.

Belle, that is great about your husband. You must have knocked him off his feet just two weeks after meeting. He sounds like a good guy as well. I've always been afraid to tell them in the very beginning for fear of rejection before they've had a chance to get to know me really well. Your story proves that some people can look beyond the virus and appreciate all the other positive aspects of a person...even in the very beginning.

Cherry, hang in there and be patient. Your good guy will come along and he'll be able to look past this. When people say that herpes is a good indicator of those who truly care for you, they are so right. I've always been attracted to older men, so I don't know if that helps or not on the acceptance part.

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