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I'm the Other Shoe !!!!


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New to here.

I do not have Herpes. My lady friend does.

My wife passed away recently from a terrible brain disease. I needed to be her advocate to the medical community since her disease took away her cognitive abilities early, so I dug into her life and found that she had kept some secrets from me over our 34 years of marriage. These essentially explained to me why our sexual intamacy was poor throughout our marriage. Otherwise, she was my soulmate and we had a wonderful marriage, intimate in all ways that are really important, but sex was always a problem. Moving on with my life after her death, I have decided to seek truth and honesty in everything I do. I do not want to be burned again with secrets and such. I have been attracted to an acquantance and decided to make a move for a relationship, but via an e-mail, to save face if I was rejected. I seemed to feel a connection with this special lady through our mutual lonliness and wanted to open a dialog with her to explore that lonliness and maybe help each other. She responded with a beautiful (if long) e-mail that took her 5 hours to write. She laid out her life to me, including the fact that she has Genital Herpes 2, and how she contracted it. In the end she said she would love to start a relationship, but that I was the one who had to decide to continue or not. I loved her honesty (and still do)! I rushed to her place that evening to talk with her for the first time. We have found that we are indeed soulmates. Every time together we share more and more of our honesty, including our mutual fears and hopes about her Herpes and my lack of it. I'm 55, and I've got a heart problem, and I just lived through watching my wife fade away and breathe her last breath from a terrible disease. Herpes seems like a bug bite in comparison. The reason I'm here is to see how all you guys have lived through this, and to gain some additional insight into my lady's heart and soul concerning her Herpes. I guess I'm here also to say from the "other shoe" that Honesty is truely the best policy. It has worked for us.

Thanks for listening.

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You sound like such a gentleman! I now have even more hope of finding a good man for myself who understands the herpes as much as you do and is accepting of it! Welcome to our forum!!

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  • 4 weeks later...

Your loving spirit really comes across in your story. I am glad there are guys out there like you. I recently broke things off with my boyfriend because I was afraid of giving H to him. I have since talked even more openly to him about my fears and we are getting together over the holidays.

I don't know about your lady friend, but for me it is a terrible roller coaster of emotions dealing with this during OBs. You sound like a patient, understanding person, however so it shouldn't be difficult for you. Communication is definitey the key.

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when I first found out I was devestated and terrified of starting a relationship. So I spent the next three years improving myself and life in general. about six months ago I met the man of my dreams. he is perfect for me in everyway and we have learned to deal with my condition to the point where it hardly matters. the key was openly discissing EVERYTHING. including both of our fears, our options, our future and anything else that concerned either of us. we still use condoms and he is accepting of the fact that he could contract it yet it is a risk he is willing to take. him accepting me made me realize what an amazing guy I have and how much he wants to be with me. I have to say as hard as it was at first I can say I think I am a better person for having gone through all of this. I know Ill never take him for granted and I am thankful everyday for our beautiful relationship.

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