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Bimmergirl

Feeling isolated and ugly...

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Bimmergirl

I guess i've known for about a year... and i've been single ever since... I hate the way i feel right now... tainted and ugly... i feel like i'll never find anyone :( how am i supposed to tell someone about this? I hate everything right now...

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VVK

Well, there is an upside. Right now, with preventative measures (antivirals) the possibility of spreading the virus during sex goes down almost to 0. There are even better antivirals being developed right now that will be out in 4-5 years or sooner. There are also vaccines being developed - the University of Florida one is probably the best candidate (Dr. Bloom's research) - so that is a long term solution to look forward to. Regular people are now getting involved in activism for a herpes cure, so public pressure is mounting for more funding into vaccine research.

With a healthy lifestyle and good eating habits, already you can usually minimize the impact of the virus on your life so that it is almost or completely unnoticeable. Then, later on with the vaccines, you will likely be able to get rid of it forever.

There are many ways to think about this skin condition. There's nothing wrong with feeling bad and upset about it for a while, but you will feel much better if you change gears and choose to help your body in fighting this. It will thank you and you will be rewarded.

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Bimmergirl

still feels so ugly...

Thank you for the support.... I have no idea how i will tell someone I want to date... do you have any suggestions? I've had so much go wrong in my life... both of my parents have passed away, i'm only 25 and i have a disabled sister to take care of... all I want is true love... feeling so alone is the worst... and then adding this ugliness on top of it makes me feel so hopeless.... I just need to know what to say to someone once that time comes.... i'm so lost...

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VVK

I suppose another thing about being affected by HSV is that you will actually find true love and ditch the players. If your partner really loves you, he will see past this simple skin condition and take you for who you are and what you have to offer as a person. I think that the 'talk' is an art. There are so many ways to go about doing it. Perhaps at some point before having the talk, you could ask how much you mean to your guy and how important it is to him to keep you. In general, from a guy's perspective for receiving the talk, I would like to hear the good facts - that with antivirals and in the absence of symptoms there is just about no chance of transmission. The fine details of course would be up to you..

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Stillmyself

I know how you feel. This website has really helped me a lot, it's been great so far. VVK has it right- you have a really good way to weed out the people who just want a sexual partner and not a life partner. I have been single for 5 years now, but I have been dating for those entire 5 years. I have told almost every single person I went on a date with, some ended at that point, some continued on for a small amount of causal sex, but all of them ended at some point, because of the virus. It sucks. It really does, you feel ugly, used, diseased, etc. I sometimes feel that no one will look past the uglyness that is this virus and actually judge me for the person I am, but I really believe that one day, my prince will come! I actually really think that someone, out there, somewhere will love me for me...

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babybooh

I was diagnosed 2 days ago and that's all I could think about.. how this will effect me in my search for a relationship. I have been talking to this one guy... I told him, so he could leave me alone, and he surprised me by saying he wanted to stick around. He agreed to no sex till we figured it out (mainly because of told him it wouldnt happen. lol).

There are some good guys are there. You just have to wait for them.

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Stillmyself

You just need to remember that this is not a death sentence and that there are worse things that could have happened. Also, it's not all about sex, it's about life and living it. Find a passion and get lost in it. The OB's get better (still feels crappy when you do get them) but after a little while the time in between your OB's gets bigger and the time to heal gets faster (it did for me anyways), just no sex until your well healed and then wait just an extra couple of days.

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      Yeah whoops, I didn't see you wrote HSV-1 until later haha. I definitely see your point. 
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      Hey @Runride and welcome to the website, I hope there is some thoughts to assist in your thinking. Wow, where do live? Sounds a bit like 'Deliverance' country or something out of a David Lynch movie. I'm very sorry about that. I have three options for your consideration. They are not in order of any particular preference. 1. Ignore it. Go about your life as per normal. You are the actor on your own stage and the other players will do what they do. Do as you wish to do with your life and other people will buy into that, or they're not welcome on your journey. Herpes plays the role it always has for you. You inform partners in advance of sex. 2. Take a stand to be open about your status. Requires a bit more bravery to put yourself out there for little short term reward certainly. "Yes I have herpes like most of us do orally or genitally. What do you feel the issues surrounding this are? What ought to be different in our lives and the way we live them as a result?" 3. Move to a new environment to give yourself a better chance of living life under option 1 or even option 2 above.
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      For sure, why bother if it’s pointless and costly but I get what you mean.  
    • Broken Butterfly
      I said I considered it but not that I was going to sue- I have no idea what my options are here.  
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      I’m definitely not saying you need to file a lawsuit, you’ll read on here most people don’t have success. I’ve mentioned it because hes not responding to you so maybe that will wake him up.
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