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P100

2 years later and my life is still in shambles

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P100

I met a girl about a year and a half ago and everything was going great. Instant connection. We started having sex and about a week and a half later it hit me like a truck. I had all the symptoms, fever, soreness, aching. I called her that day and I am very calm by nature so I didn’t freak out or anything I just asked if she knew. She swears up and down that it is not her. I want to believe her so bad but something weird happened before that, the night before I started to notice the symptoms, things were going as usual as it was a new and exciting relationship and she stopped me and said she was sore so she didn’t want to. Also I have read all the info and while it can be anyone, it seems like most of the time it is the current person you are with and the symptoms I experienced usually indicate it was new to my body. I really liked her and believed her when she said it wasn’t her so I tried to continue dating her. She never said much about it and never really seemed to care that I had it. Never really worried about condoms or anything, I was the concerned one. Although I had my suspicions I did believe her and decided to ask my previous partner which was very embarrassing. They both swear that it was neither of them. Anyway, I did my best to stay with this girl but the worry started to get the better of me. If she had it I just wanted her to admit it so we could discuss and move on with our life together, people make mistakes and this can happen to anyone, I still liked her. If it wasn’t, what if I gave it to her? I would feel horrible, she was to young if things didn’t work out (28-22) It may sound worried but it was a bigger deal to me if she didn’t have it and I would have been relieved if she did. Is she lying because she was afraid I would leave her and tell people? Did she not know? Did she know and not say anything? Being in the position now I can understand all of these emotions. I wrestle with them everyday as I try to move forward with my life, There is always this big “what do I do question” on my brain. I tried to carry on with her but the whole thing gradually just fell apart and I became very on edge and was constantly torn on the inside. She had enough and has moved on to other guys and I have been left behind. She wont really talk to me anymore as she feels I am to much “drama” and blames me for everything. I miss her a lot. Over time I have discovered some of the risky behaviour and bad guy choices she made before me. I constantly worry that she is out there still engaging in this risky behaviour. I just wish she was here with me so I at least know she is safe as I wont disappoint her. She has been with a few different men in the past year and always comes back but it falls apart again. I hate myself for continuing to allow this but its tough to say no when you miss someone. I am so worried as for our little stints in between her boyfriends she never seems concerned with protection. There are much worse things that are out there than this and these guys are cheating on her and who knows what could happen. This whole article probably makes me sound like a loser for not just moving on but I am very successful with a large group of friends since childhood and am well respected at work and in my business. I am a one women guy and in the past have dated some excellent girls. I just cant seem to come to terms with everything about her and the situation. I am so lost and need help.

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JBnATL

Try for a minute to forget about herpes. Do you really want to be with someone who only wants you when she is in between boyfriends? You are right, she is out there and can contract something far worse than herpes.

Forget the past, you have this and nothing will change that. There is always a chance you did get it from someone else. Most people get it from someone who does not know and has never had any symptoms, so just because your ex's claim to never have had symptoms does not mean they don't have it. Trying to figure out who gave you this is worthless. You have it, move on with your life. It really isn't that significant to let it have power over you.

There are plenty of fish in the sea, go live your life. You can have a normal life with this, I know, I have.

Come to the Chat Room, there you will meet many nice fellow Herpsters who can offer you their support.

Good luck!

JB

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puppylove

I have similar suspicions about my current boyfriend. He swears he didn't know, has never had an outbreak. Well after I was diagnosed by swab test (I had one sore that looked like a bug bite on my bikini line) I made him get blood tested and it came back positive. He seemed really shocked and thought I would leave but I tried not to blame him or get angry. I was suspicious though because before we knew for sure that he had it he did not care about taking precautions and even tried to have sex with me when I had the sore (before I had gotten the test results back-even though I told him I thought it was herpes). Either way now it really does not matter and I understand how hard it would be to tell someone first. I know quite a few people with this, men and women and they mostly do not tell their partners.

As far as your girl, it sounds as though she is not that concerned with her own health and safety so it isn't likely she is going to be very concerned with anyone else's health. You sound like a really good guy and I don't think this girl is appreciating you enough. If she is running around with jerks and coming back to you for support she is taking advantage of you. You really deserve better. It sounds as you might be trying to rescue her and probably feel responsible for her somehow, but she is making her own choices. I have been in a similar situation in the past and just ended up feeling drained, used, and still brokenhearted. It took me a while to get my head straight after that.

Relationships have to be two way, giving and receiving, and you deserve to be with someone who can appreciate you. Take some space for yourself, detach, even for just a couple weeks. Do something just for yourself. I think you will be just fine. I wish you the best and I hope things do get better for you!

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P100

Thank you for both of your responses. She keeps saying she got tested after I broke out and that she can prove it but I have been for a few tests in my life and I have never been given anything on paper. They just tell you if I hear from them than its not good. I would just like to know because sometimes I really beat myself up for letting it go sour and have guilt. I would still feel bad if she did and denied it I would just stop blaming myself. Did yours come on right away after you had contact with the person? And I have been single for many years and have not been on a date since this happenend almost two years ago. I dated a girl for years, my first love but that went bad after I found out she was fucking my friend. Took another two years off and then this happpend right away and now im back to being alone again. Do you think alot of people live in denial? Sometimes I think I could try and hide it but I can never quite follow through with it. I would rather be alone than do what someone had done to me.

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keenan

I got tested anonymously and picked up the results in a sealed envelope. Though when I called to see if my results were ready, the lady snickered before telling me they were ready. The girl I am seeing is much younger than me and I anticipate a difficult road ahead. She at least came clean with me and prompted me to get tested.

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