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whatnow11

Diagnosed today and I feel terrible, my life feels like its over

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whatnow11

I everyone, I was diagnosed with genital herpes today and I feel terrible, like my life has come to an end. I've always been a confident guy with dating females and enjoyed life to its max with all the partying, datinga dn socialising. Now, it all feels like its come to an end. One terrible mistake and I've ruined my life. I can't believe my luck and regret every single action, sleeping with a girl unprotected. I've been walking around all day looking at people, groups of friends having a laugh, couples walking and I absolutely feel shattered. I wish I had never caught the herpes virus. I'm kind off seeing someone now and she is a female virgin and I have no idea how to tell her. I was planning on marrying her but after today my mind has gone blank. I know she wont want me after I've told her. :( I'm depressed, my thoughst are all over the place please help me :(

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7thheaven

I know exactly how you are feeling...

After being married for 16 years, my very first encounter in the singles world left me with this forever gift....i was devastated as i felt no one would ever want me and i was just starting my new life....it took a while until i didnt feel so devastated....

I have had a few relationships since then and i am always honest when it comes time to being intimate as i feel someone took away my choice to decide....a few people have walked away as a result but others have stayed, even though they didnt have any of their own.... and they did not catch anythng from me either....

Honestly, i look at it almost as a gift, as weird as that sounds...if someone cares for me enough they will be willing to stick around and be there...if they aren't then this weeds them out....and saves me a lot of troubles in the end.

Don't worry....your life is not over...you will have sex again...you will meet women that will still accept you for it...the hardest thing is the point where you have to tell someone...because i normally wait until we are ready to be physical and by that time my heart is invested and i am worried that they may walk away....

remember, everything happens for a reason....you will be fine...take a deep breath, read a lot, go to the doctor, get your meds and if need be go on suppression theraapy for peace of mind...i used to feel like GH defined me and i know that is so not true...i am a

wonderful person who has some challenges that are surmountable. Hang in there....

I everyone, I was diagnosed with genital herpes today and I feel terrible, like my life has come to an end. I've always been a confident guy with dating females and enjoyed life to its max with all the partying, datinga dn socialising. Now, it all feels like its come to an end. One terrible mistake and I've ruined my life. I can't believe my luck and regret every single action, sleeping with a girl unprotected. I've been walking around all day looking at people, groups of friends having a laugh, couples walking and I absolutely feel shattered. I wish I had never caught the herpes virus. I'm kind off seeing someone now and she is a female virgin and I have no idea how to tell her. I was planning on marrying her but after today my mind has gone blank. I know she wont want me after I've told her. :( I'm depressed, my thoughst are all over the place please help me :(

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arvoredavida

it takes time, but it does get better. 1 in 5 people have this thing. it's not so bad. be safe, be honest and be smart and life will be just as fun as it ever was.

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152647

I know what you mean about feeling like your life is over, but you can't regret the things in your past that MIGHT have led to this. I got H from a guy that I was dating. He had cold sores and never told me and ended up giving it to me through oral sex. Then he broke up with me because he doesn't want to get it down south. This isn't your fault and you can't think of it that way. I know it doesn't make you feel any better, but all of us got this from someone else. My biggest issue is that most people who get cold sores dont realize that they can pass it to someone else as long as they aren't having an actual outbreak. And thats what his doctor actually told him since he was a kid getting cold sores! So because cold sores don't have a bad stigma behind them, I never got the choice to say whether I wanted to follow through with seeing where things went or not. He got a choice though... and he chose to walk away. It makes me feel so frustrated that he didn't give me the choice, but he gets one.

I know in my head that herpes will definitely weed out the guys who don't really care about me for me, but it still doesn't make me feel any better and I still feel like I'm never going to find someone who does.

Sorry, my reply may not make you feel any better, but you can't completely blame yourself or your lifestyle for that matter. Look at how I got it... and he was the only guy I had been with in over 8 months!

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jangel1882

I know how you feel and its normal. I was diagnosed almost two weeks ago. Some days i feel ok. Others i feel like part of me died. And it does hurt to look at other people. Some days i feel so depressed i dont know what to do. Im lucky i have my sisters to talk to. I also see a counselor weekely. I feel hypocritical because everyone wants to say its not the end of the world, plenty of people continue to date . . . but i would have been one of those people with whom it would have been a deal breaker unless i loved the person a long time before. Its hard these days because people have sex early on in a relationship. But the fact is that life does go on. I just tell myself it gets easier. They even have dating sites for people with herpes! I think I would be having a much tougher go of it if i didnt have my current boyfriend. He contracted it unknowlingly while we were split up then gave it to me unknowingly. So we have eachother to be there for but there are also alot of mixed emotions considering the circumstances.

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whatnow11

Thank you for replying and being helpful guys. As much as people say everything will be ok with time, I still cant get over this. I jus't can't accept and believe how my life has changed. I don't feel like having conversations with friends of family anymore, I dont even feel like watching films because I see relationships and couples having a great time without having to worry about herpes. I've lost motivation at work, I've stopped going to the gym and I havent been going out at all. I've started drinking alcohol everyday as I find that it takes my mind of a little. When I talk to friends regarding anything, my condition is always at the back of my mind.

On the way to work, walking on the streets I've started looking at people trying to figure whether they may have herpes too. As horrible as it sounds sometimes I wish all my friends had herpes too so we could openly talk about this, then I feel guilty and would never wish this on anyone. The only person I could talk to right now is the person who gave this to me. She obviously had no idea and was only recently diagnosed. I wake up every morning and the first thing on my mind is 'I have genital herpes' then I start thinking about my future and what people would think of me. It's just not fair! I'm a very good looking guy and get alot of attention from females but now I have no choice. I dont even feel like seeing anyone because im so scared i would pass this on and make them feel the same way I do. Sometimes I just feel like I'm waiting for the day I die. I try and convince myself I would be single for the rest of my life and never have a family that I always have dreamed of. I wish I got married 5 years ago and never came across this illness.

I've already started going cold on a girl that I was dreaming of marrying because of my condition. I could never tell her because I dont know what her reaction would be. Good bye from the most unlucky guy in the world.

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jangel1882

you should really make an appt to talk to someone. Its only been a day and i know its hard. Everything feels worse when you have an outbreak especially the first cuz mine was so aweful. I knew that emotionally and mentally this would break me down. Some days it does. Before I got infected I had been off my antidepressants for a month and i felt ok and was really proud of myself. I knew once it happened i had to make the decision to get back on my medication. Dont let yourself wallow in depression. You need to feel emotion and experience the anger and the sadness but you cant let it control your life. Whenever I would get down on myself before about something that happened i would alwyas tell myself its not that bad, things could be worse. Probably at the time contracting herpes would have been one of those things. But now that I have it, I still know its not the end of the world. You have to find whats in your life that you wouldnt trade not to have it. Your not blind or deaf or have a distorted face. You can still walk and talk. I know i feel lucky i still have two parents that are together and two sisters. Think about all the tragedies people deal with on a daily basis, then tell yourself if herpes is the worst life has to throw at you than you'll take it!

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152647

I agree with jangel, but I also completely understand where your coming from. The first few days after the guy I was dating broke things off I was a complete wreck. I called into work and cried all day! I just keep thinking that I'm never going to be able to tell a guy that I have this and I need to learn how to just accept the fact that I'm going to be alone forever. I've always had a lot of confidence when it comes to dating. I think I'm an attractive woman and I know that I have a lot to offer a guy, but I don't ever date a guy long if I don't feel like he wants to be with me for the right reasons. I've never been the kind of girl who is insecure about being alone either. I always knew that the right guy would come along and meet all of the qualities that I want in a guy, but now I feel like I may have to lower my standards a little or something just to find someone who will deal with what I have.

Its been about a month now that I've been dealing with this and I do have to say that it gets easier. The first few weeks were really rough for me too though. Just like you said... I pretty much closed off the entire world. I would drink every night and do anything I could to just take my mind off of it for even a little while. I actually had my first full night of sleep this past weekend and I didn't wake up and instantly start crying so time has to help and you have to be willing to take the time you need to heal. Obviously, this virus that we all have is never going to go away, but I'm starting to finally have some feelings that maybe I will be able to meet a guy who wont care that I have herpes, and will still want to be with me because I'm just that great of a person! It is still hard though and I take things 1 day at a time. Some days are good and some days are really really bad. I think about the guy who gave me this unknowingly, and how he broke up with me because of it... but I think that if he knew and had told me and given me the choice to stick around and see what happened, then I probably would have taken some time, done some research and stuck around anyways because I really thought that he was a guy that could make me really happy. If I can have those thoughts about a guy, even though I have a lot of anger towards him now, then other people have to think the same way, ya know?

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Kitty123
As much as people say everything will be ok with time, I still cant get over this. I jus't can't accept and believe how my life has changed.

Whatnow, I said the same thing when I first got diagnosed as I'm sure so did everyone else, but please believe what the veterans on here are telling you. They were in your same position too. And here we are - telling you today - that you will be ok. And you will. These aren't 'empty words of encouragement' that mean nothing. They are facts.

You WILL accept that your life has changed and you won't even realize it. It will just happen. Life will go on, and bit by bit, you will just start doing what life requires you to do. It's called "ADAPTATION TO CHANGE" - it happens naturally.

Please seriously don't make Herpes out to be this huge DEATH SENTENCE. It is not.

I've had HSV2 since July 2010 and I felt JUST LIKE YOU in the beginning. Crying every day, GUILTY of how I contracted it, but everything happens for a reason, and many good things come out of bad situations.

I still got up and went to work, still put on my makeup and pampered myself to feel great, and still continued to love my friends and family. I will admit at first, I cried alot to my friends for support (because they are very supportive - and WHADDYA KNOW!! 3 of my friends ALSO have Herpes!!! Surprise suprise!!), but I STOPPED crying to them all the time. Why? I'm sure my friends didn't want to have someone crying in their ears all the time. It gets kind of depressing after awhile. No matter how much they love you.

So - pick yourself up and start living and loving life. Life will throw you many more challenges WAY worse than Herpes. If you can't handle Herpes....you won't be able to handle worse.

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162272

I hear where you're coming from- I have had it for 8 months, and I am terrified that I will never find someone who wants to risk it and sleep with me. I know it's supposed to get better with time... but I feel like I'm still going through what you are. I don't think I'll find peace with it until I find someone to be with, and I wish I didn't have to wait for that kind of validation.

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      Lol, a thousand guinea pigs.  I think you raise a good question (though it's a bit sad that a 1000 guinea pigs might have to die). But every every preclinical study I know, also uses a fairly small number of lab animals.  It's rarely more than a few dozen.  For example, the EDITAS proof of concept ocular herpes solution tested in 36 animals, of which some got placebo, and some got AAV with no editors.  So testing in only a handful of animals seems to be the norm.  So I wouldn't read into that caveat too much, if I were you.  But whether that vaccine can ever enter human trials, that I don't know.   Some things I've read seemed to suggest that ppl are kind of down on the idea of testing vaccines, on account of the failures.  I hope that's not the case.  
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      hi Imsu, No problem about the questions.  Sangamo is a research stage stem cell and gene editing company.  They currently are not researching HSV.  But they have a gene editing and stem cell stage 1/2 trials going on regarding HIV.  The gene editing solution they are using is zinc fingers. https://www.sangamo.com/pipeline/partnered-programs And no problem about your questions.  Feel free to also inbox me if you like and want to continue the conversation.  I'm not an expert, but I've done my research.  Cheers.  
    • Thats_Her
      I’m more than sure you got it from your current boyfriend. 5 days later and you have an outbreak in the anal where you did it for the first time. I had a vaginal outbreak 5 days after unprotected sex with my ex. I knew I was from him because of the negative tests I had during my outbreak. Unfortunately he was i denial about the situation and didn’t support me at all. Your boyfriend may not have been aware that he had it. And he may also lie about it if he finds out he actually does carry the virus. Hopefully he gets tested and things get sorted out for the both of you. 
    • Lukeherpwalker
      If you are having genital symptoms. . and test positive for hsv1 its very relevant. Op may indeed have ghsv1
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