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gardencook

scared...

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gardencook

I have tremendous guilt over finding out I have H. I have HSV1, and I found out nov 2010. I've been told and read that hsv1 isn't so bad, that alot of people have this. Before I found out, I didn't know anyone with it. I have only told my mom (the day I found out) and the guy I was with when I found out (he didn't give it to me.) I'm not sure where I got it from. The first week after I found out I was a wreck. I was angry and scared and I yelled at alot of people. I blamed it on other things, of course, I wasn't gonna tell anyone. I felt dirty. I don't sleep around or anything.

I'm afraid since finding out, i haven't been as careful as i should be. But I don't know what I'm doing. I have a 5 year old sister. I have to be extremely careul around her. It broke my heart when my mom told me to not let her drink after me and to kiss her like i used to. When my friends and I get together and drink, sometimes we give each other pecks on the mouth. Now I try not to do it but I'm not always successful.

Up until I found this site, I had no one to talk to, or to get real information. It has only been a couple of days on here so far, but I already feel better. More calm. Not as afraid. I'm still scared as shit, and I think about it every day. Very aware of how I feel at every moment of every day.

I take l-lysine plus a multivitamin everyday. I eat ok, but currently working on doing better. I'm also very active. I know diet and all that have a lot to with things. I haven't had an OB yet and I'm praying I'll be one of those lucky ones to not get one for awhile. Although knowing I won't be, gives me such anxiety i can't even describe.

I don't know what I expect by posting this, but maybe knowing someone else knows alittle about me will make me feel a bit better.

Thanks for reading

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JBnATL

Just where do you have hsv1? Oral or genital? If you were diagnosed via blood test then more than likely you have it oral. 80% of the adult population has hsv1. I bet if your mom was tested she would be positive too.

And don't worry about passing it along via a cup, it takes skin to skin contact to pass this along.

Since you have never had an outbreak you probably never will. It probably also means you have had it a while and the longer you have this the less you are contagious. So I doubt you can really pass this along.

You should go to a doctor with these feelings and let them explain how common and harmless this is.

Good luck!

JB

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