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no fun but dealing

I just told someone and they decided to not see me...

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no fun but dealing

I went on a couple dates with this new guy. On the second date we had sex with a condom, and afterwards I told him about my herpes. I told him to think it over if he wanted to continue seeing me. I didnt talk to him much for a few days. Then 3 days later he called to tell me that he didnt want to see me anymore because he didnt want to take the risk.

So... now Im seeing a new guy. We have already had sex (protected and Im on suppressive meds) but I feel terrible. I know that I should tell him but I am so scared he is going to reject me. Even though we will not get serious because he is moving away in a few months, I still want to hang out and see him. I am afraid to tell him, what should I do?

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Lattegirl

Hi-

you really need to tell this new guy. You can't be dishonest with any partner and when you decide to have sex with someone, you have to tell them before you do anything!! Many people post on here about how angry they are they the were infected by someone who knew and didn't tell them. Don't do that to someone else. This is likely what is giving herpes a bad name. It's a virus and it's not responsible for our behavior or our personalities. Human are responsible. Thus, you must take responsibilty.

You are already being very responsible because you are insisting on condoms and taking suppressive meds. That is the angle you need to take when you have to tell a new partner. Be honest with them, tell them you are concerned with not infecting them. Therefore, you do everything humanly possibly to prevent that- condoms, meds, etc... Then, give them the choice as to what they want to do, even if this means that they don't want to see you again. One thing you should bring up as well is that many people have the virus, do not have any symptoms and you would never be able to tell that they were positive (even upon close intimate inspection). That is how the virus is being spread- lack of communication and proper measures.

In all reality, I am not willing to go on a couple of dates and then have this conversation with a guy. They don't know me well enough and I don't know them well enough. Therefore, I am not willing to risk my status being known just for the sake of sex. What this has allowed to happen is that I find out very quickly the guys who are only interested in sex. I don't have time for them and I'm not interested in wasting my time. I've got toys with batteries that do just as good a job for the quick fix. : ) This does not mean that I might invest some serious time in someone only to have them walk away later on when they find out. I'm willing to take that risk.

So, take the risk. I think you'll feel way better about yourself for being responsible and he will likely appreciate it as well.

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hnebraska

You need to be telling guys BEFORE anything happens. I was infected by someone who knew - someone who is STILL out there giving it to other girls and not caring a single bit.

This means you actually take the time to REALLY get to know a guy, build trust before putting this out in the open - yes, you're gonna come across guys that will freak out and take off, but most don't seem to react that way.

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