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Confronting him.

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Hi guys, I'm brand new, in the middle of my first (terrible) outbreak. I pretty much know who gave me GH. Long story short... we work together, just recently started sleeping together, and I will be seeing him in a few days. I both want to talk to him about this and have an obligation to. I was just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to talk to him. We've been friends for a while and I have a feeling that he has no idea that he has herpes, so I don't want to be angry with him or anything. I just really don't know how to go about bringing it up and how this will affect our friendship/whatever we are. He really likes me and I feel bad about the fact that I will be the one who has to tell him he's carrying it, even though I know it's not my fault. I just wish we'd used protection and then I probably wouldn't have anything to worry about :/


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You can tell him that you had a small medical issue come up after your relations. And it is herpes. And you have read that often it shows no symptoms so either of you could have been a carrier. So he should get a blood test too.

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First, get all the medical and legal paperwork together, build a case that it is a new infection on your part. Did you do any background snooping on him? Try talking to previous girlfriends or other people he slept with, if you bring a criminal battery charge against, you can subpoena medical records as well as internet and financial activity as relating to the Herpes (i.e. did he have a Herp test, get treatment for it, does he frequent sites for H+ people, etc.)

Basically go Attila the Hun on him until you get the truth out of his butt and pays.

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Wow. I'm in an almost identical situation. - Coworker, just started sleeping together, supposed to see each other tonight and I just had my outbreak confirmed, pretty sure he doesn't know he has it. Only difference is we did use protection.

I'm also sure he gave it to me. I disagree with the people above. I don't think you can be confrontational, it's only going to cause him to shut down on you. I'm really angry too and I would like to just sort of slap the shit out of him for doing this to me, but that won't accomplish anything. He may not know he has anything and if there is potential for a real relationship, you show a lot of emotional maturity about approaching it calmly.

I like this guy. I want something to maybe happen. This will be really hard to talk about with him because, like you, our relationship is not serious yet. But if he does want to be with me, we can be supportive of each other as we deal with our new reality. I'm going to talk to him while we are alone at my apartment (with some wine very close at hand) and try to talk calmly and seriously about it. Basically I'm going to try to channel the way my doctor very kindly spoke to me today.

Good luck.

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So it actually turns out that I have type 1, but that doesn't change too much when it comes to talking to him. Which I did, and it went REALLY well! I was worried that he would be grossed out by me but he actually says he's glad I'm not grossed out by HIM now. I told him about the risks of transmitting it genitally, and he still wants to keep things going. We're gonna start using condoms. Obviously I won't have sex when I have an OB, feel one coming on, or getting over one as well.

This has actually made us closer. I learned that he's a really good guy in ways that I didn't know yet.

Have you talked to your guy yet?

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Try a Lysine supplement for cold sores

  • The Hive is Thriving!

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    • StayingUpbeat
      First, that your doctor simply tried non-generic valacyclovir instead of referring you to a dermatologist is surprising.  If you are taking daily Valacyclovir, and still have frequent visible lesions, a competent dermatologist would prescribe something called Foscarnet.  It is unfortunately an injection and (I believe) it must be administered weekly at an injection center or hospital.  However, the combination of weekly foscarnet and daily valacyclovir would almost certainly eliminate your visible outbreaks.  It's important to note that no current drug combination is known to totally eliminate HSV shedding.  You would need to have routine blood monitoring on this combination as Foscarnet has some potential side effects. Next, there are members on this site who have been able to obtain a drug called Amenalief from Japan.  It's a recently approved (in Japan) member of a class of HSV drugs called Helicase Primase Inhibitors (HPI): https://www.mimaki-family-japan.com/item/detail?item_prefix=TF&item_code=705711&item_branch=001 It is bio-similar to a drug called Pritelivir which is currently in clinical trials in the US for HSV in the immuno-compromised (i.e. organ transplants, HIV).  A member in this thread talks specifically about his experience taking 100mg/day to help with outbreaks.  It unfortunately sounds very expensive to take suppressively.  Finally, there was recently a small successful clinical trial on the use of topical squaric acid dibutylester (SADBE) for the control of HSV.  If your doctor is comfortable trying alternate therapies to control your outbreaks topical SADBE is an FDA approved cream that you could discuss trying.  My recommendation would be to bring this paper discussing the trial to your next doctor's visit.  It would be an off-label use but the cream is relatively benign.  It's most frequent use is clearing-up cutaneous warts on children. As always none of this discussion constitutes medical advice (I am simply a middle-aged engineer not a doctor) and you should always follow the direction of your doctor or medical professional over advise found on the internet.  One of these three options may however improve your situation.  Unless there is something other than HSV going on.
    • Hellothere123
      I really don’t feel like I can keep going on with this, it’s always in the back of my head and I feel like I’m not worthy of love anymore and I just want to end it all 
    • honkschonks
      @Anon222 I told the women I have slept with most recently. She’s been a regular partner who has had zero symptoms. She’s going to get tested. She’s the most level headed person I know and a good friend. One doctor told me for legal reasons to tell everyone in the past year that I have it. Another doctor said that’s unrealistic and pointless. I have no idea when it started as I had no major undoubtable outbreak, so going back a year may be too far, it may not be far enough. I’m not sure what to do. It has irritated me how casual doctors are about this. It won’t kill you but The emotional effect of knowing you have it or thinking you may have it seems to be more damaging than having it. People on here talking about suicide. I guess that’s why they don’t test for it, or it just got out of hand and there’s no going back. Strangely I haven’t been that stressed about it. Luckily I’ve been very busy working so I haven’t had time worry about it. Thanks @NY12345 for your thoughts.
    • Runride
      I've heard of STD dating sites but have never looked into one. Are they real? And does anyone have any experience with them?  If someone does I would really like to hear some details.  They sound kind of scary, but it seems it could also be a relief to know I would be less likely to be judged for this condition.
    • IcantThinkofaName
      I've also considered this option..and its still looking like a good idea. so... Did you try any other Av's like famvir or privetir? I think there are some others too...  Up the vitamin C, check your vit D levels via bloodwork... Are you stressed out or have a stressful lifestyle ( aside from having HSV, which alone is a stressor)? There are no other health issues going on ? How hard are your workouts? The last few Obs I had were after very intense resistance/weight workouts, and I was completely exhausted after...combined with a night of bad or little sleep. Tried L- glutamine supplementation? Lithium orotate ( its a supplement too) has been known to supress the virus/replication too. I have also read it could mutate it...not sure how accurate that is, or if there was a study that proved that..maybe google it. I took The lithium one time and it was an abbreviated/shorter Outbreak than others...but I was also taking alot of vit C, or it could have happened for another reason...I'll never know for sure. but...mediating for 12 hours a day might help too... (seriously) but just don't meditate on HSV. Or maybe in another year your body will get a better hold on the virus and can cope better. it is depressing, I can relate.  My Obs have finally  lessened after 1 yr and 3 months. I still have almost daily sensations, tingling though..I'm probably contagious AF. Sex isn't really on the radar anymore. so No reason to take the AVs as they cause some side effects for me. Time to join that monastery. There are more important things in life than sex, right?  (thats what some people are telling me and I want to punch them. I really liked/enjoyed sex) Hang in there. I was told after the 6 yr mark, HSV becomes a non issue in your body. ( thats what one of my Drs told me, so  not sure how accurate that is either, but I guess it gives me 4.5 years of hope) let me know if any of this helps or you find something that does.I wish you the best.  

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