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Oral sex

Fletch

By Fletch
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Fletch Newbie

Fletch

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Hello. I am obviously new here and would like a question answered if at all possible. I am 99% sure that I have contracted genital herpes. And recently I have met a wonderful woman who accepts me for who I am. Meaning, I have told her of my condition and she says that we will deal with it together. God bless her.

But my question is, when the time is right for the two of us to become intimate with one another, is oral sex completely out of the question. Now I know I can stimulate her orally because she does not have herpes. But without sounding too selfish, she has told me that she enjoys oral, but does this leave me completely out of all of the fun? I do not want to infect her in any way.

Please help. Thank you.

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SpecialGuest1234 Acknowledged Support Member

SpecialGuest1234

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I don't see why that would leave you out of the fun...

My husband and I have never let that stop us... I have genital herpes and he does not have it.

Angela :D

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Fletch Newbie

Fletch

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So again without sounding selfish, can she pleasure me if I am without any breakouts of any kind without contracting it? That is my main question.

I know I can pleasure her because she is negative, but I just want to know if I would be putting her at risk if she was oral with me.

I believe I read somewhere that it was okay if I didn't have any signs of sores at the time, but to definitely wear a condom during intercourse.

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chaos Honeycomb Member

chaos

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there will always be a risk of transmission even if you are not having an outbreak- asymptomatic shedding. it is a little harder to pass hsv2 to the mouth but it can happen. my boyfriend will occasionaly go down on me but not very often. sometimes I wish it would happen more but i guess i am just thankful that he accepts me how I am and it doesn't bother him and also he is such an amazing lover and takes such great care of my needs I don't feel like I am missing out on anything. the two of you have to decide what you are comfortable with and the risks you are willing to take.

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Fletch Newbie

Fletch

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Fletch ~

Remind me again... which type specifically do you have in the genital area?

Angela

:oops: I have the occasional sore breakout on the shaft area of my penis. And again, I read somewhere (wish I had the complete source) from a Dr. that if there was no breakout prevalent at the time, that it wouldn't hurt to have oral sex.

But I just want to make sure before oral is even considered when it comes to me. I know I will indulge on her, but I want to make sure I am completely safe if she were to go down on me.

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Fletch Newbie

Fletch

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Yes, but which type do you have?

Do you have genital herpes type-1 or genital herpes type-2?

Hang in there,

Angela :D

Okay, I'm honestly not sure and definitely need to do some reading up. Unless you can describe the two. I'll be back when I educate myself more.

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SpecialGuest1234 Acknowledged Support Member

SpecialGuest1234

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Okay, I'm honestly not sure and definitely need to do some reading up. Unless you can describe the two. I'll be back when I educate myself more.

We can better help you if you know exactly which type you have.

Hang in there,

Angela

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Cherry Cola Established Member

Cherry Cola

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I was worried about not getting oral sex again too when I found out I had herpes.I'd feel very bad if I gave it to anyone b/c I was "selfish" and wanted that.I decided though that I will still have oral sex but I will ask the man to use a dental dam and I will use condoms when I give oral sex to a man.

The risk may be low but for me I just don't want to take that risk.

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  • 4 weeks later...
vibe Honeycomb Member

vibe

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Oral sex..

I have the same kinda question--

I am a female--recently diagnosed with hsv-1,oral herpes. My first and only outbreak has been in the genital region. I do too enjoy receiving oral sex, and at 29- I am afraid that I will never enjoy it anymore :(

I know there are those dams to use, or seran wrap--but I am sure I wont feel the same :?: , or he for that matter..

Can it still be safe if I am not having an outbreak, to have oral sex "normally?"

Thanks

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Guest Guest

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There are people who are comfortable having sexual relations without protection. Obviously the relationship would have to be serious but if I put myself in their shoes I couldn't imagine truly loving someone and still wanting to use a dental dam. Of course not everyone thinks this way but it just goes to show you that there are people out there.

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fiestygirl Honeycomb Member

fiestygirl

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Oral, HPV, HSV

I have HSV1, but I did receive oral from my last two boyfriends. It's not selfish but next time I just don't want to take the risk so I am getting the dental dam thing. I got HSV1 through oral and so I don't want someone to feel he is "safe" since oral is said to not really sex, and have him get it that way. It's hurtful and I felt betrayed because oral is said to be safe.

But I did get it from oral no doubt. So...if you have it on your penis, you could get an outbreak in your mouth, this virus can show up anywhere even in your eye (in my case), so it's very possible to transfer it to her. My ex gave it to me when he had no outbreaks. He was tested before we were together so I knew his status but it doesn't mean i don't BLAME him. After all he was less than honest about the HPV thing and I was innocent and all that when I met him. He was my first and I trusted him. Love is like that, it's blind and no matter what a person says, they don't want pain later.

It's pretty serious later on especially if she is not married and she has to go with it, so why not use protection for now? It's a pain but throwing away the saran wrap won't make it more fun or give you more of a future with her, instead it says I care, more than even sex does. It's basic.

HSV outbreaks can cause other health problems down the road for a woman. I had an HSV1 outbreak that triggered a HPV outbreak.

In any case I have been there but in the future I decided to be pushy in the high road direction just so I don't have the guilt. I am pretty sure I gave it to my last boyfriend as I had an outbreak that I discovered a day or two later after our last encounter and now I have to tell him. I know he was disease free as he was just tested, but not now.

Herpes is very contagious, we don't have a natural immunity.

The hormones and high during sex make it can feel like what can hurt me?

Anyway It sucks but I have to tell him, I don't want to have that conversation with another guy. I know it's not my fault that a man gave me HPV and HSV and I should enjoy myself, but it's also up to me not to go around infecting MORE men. It makes me mad at the man who gave it to me because it makes me feel less innocent and dirty sometimes, but I want to be accepted before sex, even more. I can't hope and wait on someone's decision, I have to make it myself.

That's what safe sex is, it's about options, sort of like a menu. It's not all or nothing anymore, at least I hope.

If someone doesn't want to accept that kind of option than it's naive.

I know the reasons why I haven't told a man I have HSV yet, but have explained HPV is because I am more scared of a negative reaction. I feel scared to trust again, because I got so burned the first time.

It's easy to say I trust you, and will forgive you later, but it doesn't help the emotions later.

Nat

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