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As a new poster and 8 years dealing with hsv, I would like to let those newly diagnosed know that once you go through the normal emotional reactions to this, you can move on and have a normal life without shame, guilt or stigma.

I have had "the talk" two times. One was skillfully and the other was not skillfully.

Here is what I learned from these experiences. The sooner the better. If this is a person you want to pursue a long term relationship with, do wait to have sex if you can (at least always use protection and avoid sex during or around an ob). My first attempt to disclose was when my ex was drunk and I used vague terms such as benign skin condition I got from my ex husband which is controlled by a powerful medication which I take daily. The chances of your getting it are very low, but I wanted you to know. Well, one evening he takes me to his office and has pictures of severe cases up on his computer. He asks me to come to the bathroom and see a small red bump. He had no fever, no pain, no fatigue or flu-like prodrome as I had when my ex gave me the virus. So I reminded him of the discussion we'd had. He claimed to have not recalled. (blackout). We were on and off for 6 years and split for many reasons a year and a half ago.

It was for the best.

The second and successful attempt happened yesterday when I told my boyfriend of 2 months that I owed him an apology, asked forgiveness b/c I had not told him I have hsv after we'd had sex 4 times. Well, he has it too and all is good. He said he owed me an apology, too and could I please forgive him.

A large percentage of people in this world have hsv of some kind. Soon, the stigma will be reduced I think research will produce a vaccine and better suppressive treatments. If someone is going to reject you after you show that kind of responsibility and respect for them as a person, as you may have heard, they do not deserve you, or just may not wish to deal with the minimal complications. You are not alone!

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Congratulations! I hope many people read this and are emboldened to start dating again without the fear of rejection.

I have given the 'talk' many times and have never been rejected. I always wait until it looks like the relationship is about to turn physical, and that is usually by the 3rd date. I casually ask them if they have ever had a cold sore. Then I say I get them but not on my face. I do ask them if they know what causes cold sores and inform them if they do not.

Come to the Chat Room, there you will meet many nice fellow Herpsters who can offer you their support.

Good luck!


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Thank you for your warm welcome, JB. I will come to chat soon But friend, the term "herpster" is not one I would ever use on myself or anyone else with hsv. I know the term removes some of the power and pain associated with having the virus and that obviously you have used more skill and confidence in relaying the "news" to someone you were about to become intimate with. Because we have so many dimensions, I think that is why I would not say that. Again, thank you.

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Try a Lysine supplement for cold sores

  • The Hive is Thriving!

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    • MikeHerp
      Lol, a thousand guinea pigs.  I think you raise a good question (though it's a bit sad that a 1000 guinea pigs might have to die). But every every preclinical study I know, also uses a fairly small number of lab animals.  It's rarely more than a few dozen.  For example, the EDITAS proof of concept ocular herpes solution tested in 36 animals, of which some got placebo, and some got AAV with no editors.  So testing in only a handful of animals seems to be the norm.  So I wouldn't read into that caveat too much, if I were you.  But whether that vaccine can ever enter human trials, that I don't know.   Some things I've read seemed to suggest that ppl are kind of down on the idea of testing vaccines, on account of the failures.  I hope that's not the case.  
    • Bhbr2018
      Yeah @Lukeherpwalker I agree. Many people just see the igg tests and listen to random internet strangers about their results being from a childhood infection and on their mouth.  The fact is I got genital herpes because someone didn’t want to believe their HSV1 was genital when it was. Blood tests never can tell you location. Fact. Let’s deal with facts instead of highly unsupported opinions in the name of a life long virus shall we?
    • MikeHerp
      hi Imsu, No problem about the questions.  Sangamo is a research stage stem cell and gene editing company.  They currently are not researching HSV.  But they have a gene editing and stem cell stage 1/2 trials going on regarding HIV.  The gene editing solution they are using is zinc fingers. https://www.sangamo.com/pipeline/partnered-programs And no problem about your questions.  Feel free to also inbox me if you like and want to continue the conversation.  I'm not an expert, but I've done my research.  Cheers.  
    • Thats_Her
      I’m more than sure you got it from your current boyfriend. 5 days later and you have an outbreak in the anal where you did it for the first time. I had a vaginal outbreak 5 days after unprotected sex with my ex. I knew I was from him because of the negative tests I had during my outbreak. Unfortunately he was i denial about the situation and didn’t support me at all. Your boyfriend may not have been aware that he had it. And he may also lie about it if he finds out he actually does carry the virus. Hopefully he gets tested and things get sorted out for the both of you. 
    • Lukeherpwalker
      If you are having genital symptoms. . and test positive for hsv1 its very relevant. Op may indeed have ghsv1

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