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As a new poster and 8 years dealing with hsv, I would like to let those newly diagnosed know that once you go through the normal emotional reactions to this, you can move on and have a normal life without shame, guilt or stigma.

I have had "the talk" two times. One was skillfully and the other was not skillfully.

Here is what I learned from these experiences. The sooner the better. If this is a person you want to pursue a long term relationship with, do wait to have sex if you can (at least always use protection and avoid sex during or around an ob). My first attempt to disclose was when my ex was drunk and I used vague terms such as benign skin condition I got from my ex husband which is controlled by a powerful medication which I take daily. The chances of your getting it are very low, but I wanted you to know. Well, one evening he takes me to his office and has pictures of severe cases up on his computer. He asks me to come to the bathroom and see a small red bump. He had no fever, no pain, no fatigue or flu-like prodrome as I had when my ex gave me the virus. So I reminded him of the discussion we'd had. He claimed to have not recalled. (blackout). We were on and off for 6 years and split for many reasons a year and a half ago.

It was for the best.

The second and successful attempt happened yesterday when I told my boyfriend of 2 months that I owed him an apology, asked forgiveness b/c I had not told him I have hsv after we'd had sex 4 times. Well, he has it too and all is good. He said he owed me an apology, too and could I please forgive him.

A large percentage of people in this world have hsv of some kind. Soon, the stigma will be reduced I think research will produce a vaccine and better suppressive treatments. If someone is going to reject you after you show that kind of responsibility and respect for them as a person, as you may have heard, they do not deserve you, or just may not wish to deal with the minimal complications. You are not alone!

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Congratulations! I hope many people read this and are emboldened to start dating again without the fear of rejection.

I have given the 'talk' many times and have never been rejected. I always wait until it looks like the relationship is about to turn physical, and that is usually by the 3rd date. I casually ask them if they have ever had a cold sore. Then I say I get them but not on my face. I do ask them if they know what causes cold sores and inform them if they do not.

Come to the Chat Room, there you will meet many nice fellow Herpsters who can offer you their support.

Good luck!


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Thank you for your warm welcome, JB. I will come to chat soon But friend, the term "herpster" is not one I would ever use on myself or anyone else with hsv. I know the term removes some of the power and pain associated with having the virus and that obviously you have used more skill and confidence in relaying the "news" to someone you were about to become intimate with. Because we have so many dimensions, I think that is why I would not say that. Again, thank you.

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