someone give me hope

[squidjlh]

I have been in the same aweful relationship for the past year and a half now, with the man who gave me herpes. We have broke up and got back together more times than I can count and I just cant seem to get the courage to leave him for good. I hate being alone and I am too afraid to try and start dating for fears of rejection and humiliation. I dont feel like I can openly talk about this with my family because I do not think they would understand. And the last thing I want is people to be afraid to be around me even if it is out of their own ignorance. So I run into this dillema, I know I shouldnt be with him but I dont feel like I will ever be able to be with anyone else because of this disease. I know I am fairly new to this disease and dont know all there is to know about it and with time I will be a little more excepting, but right now I am so disgusted with myself that I feel I have to keep going back to this jerk because that is all I am worth. So I am reaching out to all of you who have similar stories in hopes that someone can talk some damn sense into me

[Cherry Cola]

Hi!Welcome to our site I think you will find hope and support here!!

My storey isn't the same as yours,but my friends daughter was in a similar situation.She was dating the loser of a guy who gave her herpes(he knew he had it) and they stayed together for some time after.She finally realized that he was no good (he was addicted to drugs/drinking and had no job) and he was also abusive in some ways.She was 17 at the time.She is now almost 22 and engaged to a really nice guy.They are both pretty smart and have good careers ahead of them.

In a way I am jelous of her,cuz to be honest the girl is a bitch( a snob).She just knows what she wants though and she got it.She was able to gain more confidence in herself and realize that she deserves much more then what she had with loser and she left him.

I think you need to sit yourself down and ask yourself if you really love him and if you love yourself and if you deserve better.Then decide if he is really worth your time and love.

Rejection does hurt.It's a part of life even if you don't have herpes.

[lajc]

Hi Hon,

When it comes to stuff like HSV1 & 2, Aids, etc.. Ignorance is bliss and some people ran rampant in it. BUT then there are others who see the real you inside and support you no matter what.

My ex was the master of mind games. I believed so many of his lies & mind games. I actually thought him leaving me was because of something I said or did or didn't (Wrong!!). He started getting possessive shortly after we started dating. Hated when I stayed and hung out with the guys on the company softball team after the games. Wanted to know who was there / what was said, etc.... Did like my talking to customers at work (95% male). He tried to keep me on a short lease. He gave me Herpes and knew it. He was a control jerk & tried to make me bad about myself. He didn't have to beat me because I would mentally beat myself up. He left, I lost it / him & I wanted to get him back but I didn't try & it was best thing that could of happened to me.

I have a wonderful man in my life now. When we are not on the phone talking. We spent the weekends together just goofing off after work, walking around, eating, etc....... I told him of my status right off the bat. He is more supportive than I could ever imagine. I looked into his eyes, this weekend, and thought "How did I ever get so lucky to get him?"

It is scary going out on your own again. He probably figures if you leave him then you will go back with him or you will take he back. That is what is he is expecting (due to past history). It is an amazing feeling when you stand up for yourself and say "I am what matters, I am a wonderful human being, I am going to take one day at a time, I am worth it and no body is going to make me feel any different."

Good Luck!!! You are worth it....... Think about you first.

[Christie]

I can completely sympathize with your situation. I contracted herpes and ALSO a cancerous form of HPV from the man who took my virginity. (he didn't realize he had any of this) But, I am now on the verge of having an operation so that I won't end up with cervical cancer in the future. The only thing worse than dealing with one STD is dealing with two! I believe I am lucky because my boyfriend wants nothing more than for me to get better...but we have had a lot of tension between us because of all this. It is so hard for me to deal with this situation since I havent even been sexually active for a year yet. No matter how much my boyfriend and I fight, I always have some neutral person to confide in which helps. I am a full time college student, and have been making full use of the counseling services on campus since my diagnosis...and it really helps! I would recommend talking with a counselor to anyone in a situation such as this...being in an enviornment where you can get your feelings out in the open and not worry about being judged or yelled at helps out a great deal!! I also understand the delimma about telling your family or other people in your life. The bright side is that you dont have to tell anyone you dont want to. I'd suggest getting to know new people and only confide your herpes diagnosis with the ones you feel the most comfortable with. Ironically, it's really not a big deal for a lot of people I have found. Also, I got involved in a herpes support group as well...I believe they have them at various Planned Parenthood Clinics around the nation. And lastly, I was informed of a wonderful website that sends our an online newsletter on herpes every month which is greatly informative. (www.healthandhope.com) All of this really helped me in dealing with this disease. Don't ever forget that you can live a normal life. I hope this helps!

[chaos]

my situation was very similar to yours. I got h and hpv from a guy who assulted me on our first date and was so terrified that I stayed with him for 8 months. I was in a living hell with him and it almost destroyed me. I had just gotten separated from my spouse and was alone and terrified of telling anyone and having no one accept me. I spent the next 2 and a half years trying to make sense of it all and my life in general. I went into counseling for a year with a good therapist, enrolled back in school, finally got serious about my career, and tried taking better care of myself. I was one of those girls who ALLWAYS had a boyfriend. well it was definelty alittle harder with h. I tried my best to be honest but sometimes I would get angry at men and justify not telling them. I had to finally learn to be on my own and take care of myself. And I did. the last three years were the most important of my life. I have told many people. Most of the poeple in my family know and have been extreamly supportive. I have told a few friends which some I regret. Becareful of telling girls. i am an otherwise very attractive succesful woman and people used the h against me when it suited them. I tried online dating and allthough I did not meet a mate on there I have met some amazing frineds who will allways be there for me and have been incredibly supportive and instumental in my understanding and healing. About 8 months ago I met the love of my life and he has totally accepted me and the h. We have a better relationship than I ever thought possible. This disease sucks so bad at first but it has changed me in amazing ways. I am almost finished with my degree now, I have an honest loving understanding relationship which I value so much, my career is going well, I respect my self and others, I have learned much. At first getting this disease made me feel like my life was over but in some weird ways it helped me. I am so happy with who I am and where I am at and I wouldnt be here if not for my experiences. you will be ok I promise you. Just live your life with integrity and repect and love and you will find your way.

[squidjlh]

thank you

To all who have replied,

Although this past week has been one of the worst weeks ever, I have found a comfort in reading all of your stories. It has helped me know that even though right now sucks, my life is far from over and it will get better eventually. I dont doubt that hard times are still ahead, but I am more prepared for what might lie in the future. So thank you again for posting your positive thoughts! When life gives you lemons, make lemonade

[herpesharmony]

Do what makes you happy!