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AF Vet

4 Years Later, what I've learned....

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AF Vet

I recieved the lovely gift that keeps on giving 4 years ago from my (now) ex bf. He was nice enough to give it to me with out letting me know he had it. He even let me think that my cheating ex husband gave it to me... he finally grew the testicular fortitude to tell me I'd gotten it from him a year after I had my first horrific outbreak. I had been in the middle of driving across country from Wa to Ct, moving with my children, and had to call him crying to tell him to get checked... only to find out a year later that he gave it to me.

Yep... nice guy....

so... here I am, one month shy of 4 years and what have I found out about myself? I've found out that I'm alot stronger then I thought I was. I'm a single parent of three beautiful children... and I thought that was strong... but this... I got through it. I didn't put my ex up on blast on fb, or myspace or anything. I broke up with him soon after his disclosure... mostly because of other things that effected our long distance relationship. I decided I was better then that.... I also decided that I could never take from anybody the choice that was taken from me... I couldn't live with the guilt I felt. I've been with two people since then, and I've told both. The first guy decided in the end that this wasn't something he wanted to tangle with. The second guy has been my bf for two n a half years, almost three... he's in the Army and deployed, he's the love of my life, and as far as we know he's H free. We've talked about getting married, having a child. Nothing permanent will happen until he returns... but life is great for me. I'm searching for a new job that will bring me closer, geographically, to where my bf lives again so we can have more time together, and because I'm loosing my job in the fall.

so, what have I learned? I've become alot more descriminate about those I take to my bed. Most of the guys who did turn me down because I have H were looking for a quick lay and were going to let me go anyway... I want something more lasting then that... I've also discovered a courage I didn't know I had. My bf gained so much respect for me for having the courage to tell him. I've also learned that I don't need to let this thing define me. I am still the same person I was before I found out I had HSV2. Hell in the course of researching, I realized I had HSV1 as well... I've been getting 'cold sores' since I was a child, and never really realized what they were.

So anyway... here I am. I'm in a wonderful relationship with a wonderful man. My life is the same as it was, aside from him, as it was before I got HSV2 and discovered that I had HSV1. I'm more eductated, and able to pass that knowledge onto my children so they can protect themselves...

But the number one thing I've learned? I'm not alone. By far, I'm not alone. There are literally millions of people in this country alone who have this. Sure, some don't even realize they have it, but I'm not alone. I've shared so much since I found this site, almost a year ago. I've helped many, just by being a shoulder.... I hope I can help many more....

Good luck to y'all.

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    • StayingUpbeat
      First, that your doctor simply tried non-generic valacyclovir instead of referring you to a dermatologist is surprising.  If you are taking daily Valacyclovir, and still have frequent visible lesions, a competent dermatologist would prescribe something called Foscarnet.  It is unfortunately an injection and (I believe) it must be administered weekly at an injection center or hospital.  However, the combination of weekly foscarnet and daily valacyclovir would almost certainly eliminate your visible outbreaks.  It's important to note that no current drug combination is known to totally eliminate HSV shedding.  You would need to have routine blood monitoring on this combination as Foscarnet has some potential side effects. Next, there are members on this site who have been able to obtain a drug called Amenalief from Japan.  It's a recently approved (in Japan) member of a class of HSV drugs called Helicase Primase Inhibitors (HPI): https://www.mimaki-family-japan.com/item/detail?item_prefix=TF&item_code=705711&item_branch=001 It is bio-similar to a drug called Pritelivir which is currently in clinical trials in the US for HSV in the immuno-compromised (i.e. organ transplants, HIV).  A member in this thread talks specifically about his experience taking 100mg/day to help with outbreaks.  It unfortunately sounds very expensive to take suppressively.  Finally, there was recently a small successful clinical trial on the use of topical squaric acid dibutylester (SADBE) for the control of HSV.  If your doctor is comfortable trying alternate therapies to control your outbreaks topical SADBE is an FDA approved cream that you could discuss trying.  My recommendation would be to bring this paper discussing the trial to your next doctor's visit.  It would be an off-label use but the cream is relatively benign.  It's most frequent use is clearing-up cutaneous warts on children. As always none of this discussion constitutes medical advice (I am simply a middle-aged engineer not a doctor) and you should always follow the direction of your doctor or medical professional over advise found on the internet.  One of these three options may however improve your situation.  Unless there is something other than HSV going on.
    • Hellothere123
      I really don’t feel like I can keep going on with this, it’s always in the back of my head and I feel like I’m not worthy of love anymore and I just want to end it all 
    • honkschonks
      @Anon222 I told the women I have slept with most recently. She’s been a regular partner who has had zero symptoms. She’s going to get tested. She’s the most level headed person I know and a good friend. One doctor told me for legal reasons to tell everyone in the past year that I have it. Another doctor said that’s unrealistic and pointless. I have no idea when it started as I had no major undoubtable outbreak, so going back a year may be too far, it may not be far enough. I’m not sure what to do. It has irritated me how casual doctors are about this. It won’t kill you but The emotional effect of knowing you have it or thinking you may have it seems to be more damaging than having it. People on here talking about suicide. I guess that’s why they don’t test for it, or it just got out of hand and there’s no going back. Strangely I haven’t been that stressed about it. Luckily I’ve been very busy working so I haven’t had time worry about it. Thanks @NY12345 for your thoughts.
    • Runride
      I've heard of STD dating sites but have never looked into one. Are they real? And does anyone have any experience with them?  If someone does I would really like to hear some details.  They sound kind of scary, but it seems it could also be a relief to know I would be less likely to be judged for this condition.
    • IcantThinkofaName
      I've also considered this option..and its still looking like a good idea. so... Did you try any other Av's like famvir or privetir? I think there are some others too...  Up the vitamin C, check your vit D levels via bloodwork... Are you stressed out or have a stressful lifestyle ( aside from having HSV, which alone is a stressor)? There are no other health issues going on ? How hard are your workouts? The last few Obs I had were after very intense resistance/weight workouts, and I was completely exhausted after...combined with a night of bad or little sleep. Tried L- glutamine supplementation? Lithium orotate ( its a supplement too) has been known to supress the virus/replication too. I have also read it could mutate it...not sure how accurate that is, or if there was a study that proved that..maybe google it. I took The lithium one time and it was an abbreviated/shorter Outbreak than others...but I was also taking alot of vit C, or it could have happened for another reason...I'll never know for sure. but...mediating for 12 hours a day might help too... (seriously) but just don't meditate on HSV. Or maybe in another year your body will get a better hold on the virus and can cope better. it is depressing, I can relate.  My Obs have finally  lessened after 1 yr and 3 months. I still have almost daily sensations, tingling though..I'm probably contagious AF. Sex isn't really on the radar anymore. so No reason to take the AVs as they cause some side effects for me. Time to join that monastery. There are more important things in life than sex, right?  (thats what some people are telling me and I want to punch them. I really liked/enjoyed sex) Hang in there. I was told after the 6 yr mark, HSV becomes a non issue in your body. ( thats what one of my Drs told me, so  not sure how accurate that is either, but I guess it gives me 4.5 years of hope) let me know if any of this helps or you find something that does.I wish you the best.  
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