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xoxo2009

My experience sharing my secret with a potential partner.... (good!)

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xoxo2009

I have told 3 people that I have herpes. All 3 of them cared more about me than a stupid skin disease i contracted out of pure bad luck. They were all willing to work around it, and weren't worried about contracting it from me. They were very understanding and were happy with the fact that I was honest and up front about it.

The way i contracted herpes was through my boyfriend's (now ex boyfriend) cold sore.

None of the men I have had sex with contracted the virus.

I avoided sex during outbreaks... (i've only had 4 in 2 years) and had sex with and without condoms. (which was THEIR choices... i ALWAYS recommend the condom...)

And I just want to share how I even go about the conversation. It's something I struggled with for over a year. I've found this a more comfortable way to let someone in on a secret so scary to tell:

"so, i have something to tell you before things get too serious. It's really personal so you have to promise that you will take into consideration my feelings and not judge me. i have 'the technical term for a cold sore' " (i say 'the technical term for a cold sore' because 'herpes' is such and ugly word) and then i go into how i contracted it, how severe it is, and what i'm doing to prevent outbreaks. It also helps to know statistics and facts about the virus.

Again, I've found that being honest is the best policy. And if the person really cares about you, they're going to accept you the way you are without judging you for your stupid skin virus.

I am now with a really great guy, who adores me and herpes doesn't get in the way of that =]]

I hope that my story has helped in some way.

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brightside26

Thanks for sharing. I am newly single again and I'm apprehensive about jumping back out there into the dating world. Your story helps. :-)

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blondegirl

After never being rejected I just got rejected for the first time this week. Its nice to know it may not be like that again. It sucks so bad.

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laxlady

Thank you so much for this thread! I was diagnosed a month ago and i am 18 so i obviously am not married. It is good to hear that the men didnt freak out on you. Im so stressed out even thinking about the idea of telling someone. thanks so much

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BeautifulB

I am so glad you posted this! I am actually thinking about telling my potential guy tonight and didn't have the slightest clue on how to begin. I love that you call it the "technical term for a cold sore" I may steal that from you. Thanks again...hopefully mine is as understanding :)

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xoxo2009

I'm so happy this helped! Please steal my lines! They were SO hard to come up with! lol Having the talk about H. never got any less terrifying, but the little introductory sentences I wracked my brain for had become easier to recite each time. If you don't mind, I'd love to hear how your talk went! =)

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sexyface26
I'm so happy this helped! Please steal my lines! They were SO hard to come up with! lol Having the talk about H. never got any less terrifying, but the little introductory sentences I wracked my brain for had become easier to recite each time. If you don't mind, I'd love to hear how your talk went! =)[/quote

Yes I would like to know how the talk went too!!!

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    • StayingUpbeat
      First, that your doctor simply tried non-generic valacyclovir instead of referring you to a dermatologist is surprising.  If you are taking daily Valacyclovir, and still have frequent visible lesions, a competent dermatologist would prescribe something called Foscarnet.  It is unfortunately an injection and (I believe) it must be administered weekly at an injection center or hospital.  However, the combination of weekly foscarnet and daily valacyclovir would almost certainly eliminate your visible outbreaks.  It's important to note that no current drug combination is known to totally eliminate HSV shedding.  You would need to have routine blood monitoring on this combination as Foscarnet has some potential side effects. Next, there are members on this site who have been able to obtain a drug called Amenalief from Japan.  It's a recently approved (in Japan) member of a class of HSV drugs called Helicase Primase Inhibitors (HPI): https://www.mimaki-family-japan.com/item/detail?item_prefix=TF&item_code=705711&item_branch=001 It is bio-similar to a drug called Pritelivir which is currently in clinical trials in the US for HSV in the immuno-compromised (i.e. organ transplants, HIV).  A member in this thread talks specifically about his experience taking 100mg/day to help with outbreaks.  It unfortunately sounds very expensive to take suppressively.  Finally, there was recently a small successful clinical trial on the use of topical squaric acid dibutylester (SADBE) for the control of HSV.  If your doctor is comfortable trying alternate therapies to control your outbreaks topical SADBE is an FDA approved cream that you could discuss trying.  My recommendation would be to bring this paper discussing the trial to your next doctor's visit.  It would be an off-label use but the cream is relatively benign.  It's most frequent use is clearing-up cutaneous warts on children. As always none of this discussion constitutes medical advice (I am simply a middle-aged engineer not a doctor) and you should always follow the direction of your doctor or medical professional over advise found on the internet.  One of these three options may however improve your situation.  Unless there is something other than HSV going on.
    • Hellothere123
      I really don’t feel like I can keep going on with this, it’s always in the back of my head and I feel like I’m not worthy of love anymore and I just want to end it all 
    • honkschonks
      @Anon222 I told the women I have slept with most recently. She’s been a regular partner who has had zero symptoms. She’s going to get tested. She’s the most level headed person I know and a good friend. One doctor told me for legal reasons to tell everyone in the past year that I have it. Another doctor said that’s unrealistic and pointless. I have no idea when it started as I had no major undoubtable outbreak, so going back a year may be too far, it may not be far enough. I’m not sure what to do. It has irritated me how casual doctors are about this. It won’t kill you but The emotional effect of knowing you have it or thinking you may have it seems to be more damaging than having it. People on here talking about suicide. I guess that’s why they don’t test for it, or it just got out of hand and there’s no going back. Strangely I haven’t been that stressed about it. Luckily I’ve been very busy working so I haven’t had time worry about it. Thanks @NY12345 for your thoughts.
    • Runride
      I've heard of STD dating sites but have never looked into one. Are they real? And does anyone have any experience with them?  If someone does I would really like to hear some details.  They sound kind of scary, but it seems it could also be a relief to know I would be less likely to be judged for this condition.
    • IcantThinkofaName
      I've also considered this option..and its still looking like a good idea. so... Did you try any other Av's like famvir or privetir? I think there are some others too...  Up the vitamin C, check your vit D levels via bloodwork... Are you stressed out or have a stressful lifestyle ( aside from having HSV, which alone is a stressor)? There are no other health issues going on ? How hard are your workouts? The last few Obs I had were after very intense resistance/weight workouts, and I was completely exhausted after...combined with a night of bad or little sleep. Tried L- glutamine supplementation? Lithium orotate ( its a supplement too) has been known to supress the virus/replication too. I have also read it could mutate it...not sure how accurate that is, or if there was a study that proved that..maybe google it. I took The lithium one time and it was an abbreviated/shorter Outbreak than others...but I was also taking alot of vit C, or it could have happened for another reason...I'll never know for sure. but...mediating for 12 hours a day might help too... (seriously) but just don't meditate on HSV. Or maybe in another year your body will get a better hold on the virus and can cope better. it is depressing, I can relate.  My Obs have finally  lessened after 1 yr and 3 months. I still have almost daily sensations, tingling though..I'm probably contagious AF. Sex isn't really on the radar anymore. so No reason to take the AVs as they cause some side effects for me. Time to join that monastery. There are more important things in life than sex, right?  (thats what some people are telling me and I want to punch them. I really liked/enjoyed sex) Hang in there. I was told after the 6 yr mark, HSV becomes a non issue in your body. ( thats what one of my Drs told me, so  not sure how accurate that is either, but I guess it gives me 4.5 years of hope) let me know if any of this helps or you find something that does.I wish you the best.  
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