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bizwiz09

I don't know how to deal with this!

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bizwiz09

I was just diagnosed with Genital Herpes this past Wednesday. This was truely a shock to me, as I have been in an monogomous relationship with my partner for more than 6 years. I went to the hospital for treatment for a Urinary Tract Infection and to find out what these strange bumps were. Unfortunately, I did have a U.T.I. but I was also diagnosed with the Herpes. The nurse and doctor asked me several questions ranging from whether I or my partner had stepped out of the relationship to whether either one of us has Cold Sores. I explained to them that my partner gets cold sores every year, but we refrain from sex when she has an outbreak. I broke down in the room when I was told it didnt really matter.

I called my partner right away, and then she decided to come straight there to be tested. Surprisingly, we had the same nurse AND doctor. So when she went back to get tested, I joined her, so that we could ask questions and that both of us were in the room when they were answered. While my partner was sitting on the bed, I asked the doc if there was any way that I could have contracted Genital Herpes from my partner having a Cold Sore and engaging in oral. He said normally he would say no, but because we are a lesbian couple, there is a good chance thats what happened. I also asked how long it generally takes to see blisters after the initial transmittion, he said within a month. My partner claims to have not heard the doctor say this. I find it difficult to believe, but I understand she may have been in shock at the time.

I know for a fact that I have not stepped out, and because my partner was tested ( results were negative for Genital Herpes), I know that it had to have been the Cold Sore. My partner doesn't believe it, says that there is no way she gave it to me, and that the facts prove that I cheated. I just wish there was some way to prove this, but i know there isnt. I feel like I'm going to lose my entire life over this.

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dassme
I was just diagnosed with Genital Herpes this past Wednesday. This was truely a shock to me, as I have been in an monogomous relationship with my partner for more than 6 years. I went to the hospital for treatment for a Urinary Tract Infection and to find out what these strange bumps were. Unfortunately, I did have a U.T.I. but I was also diagnosed with the Herpes. The nurse and doctor asked me several questions ranging from whether I or my partner had stepped out of the relationship to whether either one of us has Cold Sores. I explained to them that my partner gets cold sores every year, but we refrain from sex when she has an outbreak. I broke down in the room when I was told it didnt really matter.

I called my partner right away, and then she decided to come straight there to be tested. Surprisingly, we had the same nurse AND doctor. So when she went back to get tested, I joined her, so that we could ask questions and that both of us were in the room when they were answered. While my partner was sitting on the bed, I asked the doc if there was any way that I could have contracted Genital Herpes from my partner having a Cold Sore and engaging in oral. He said normally he would say no, but because we are a lesbian couple, there is a good chance thats what happened. I also asked how long it generally takes to see blisters after the initial transmittion, he said within a month. My partner claims to have not heard the doctor say this. I find it difficult to believe, but I understand she may have been in shock at the time.

I know for a fact that I have not stepped out, and because my partner was tested ( results were negative for Genital Herpes), I know that it had to have been the Cold Sore. My partner doesn't believe it, says that there is no way she gave it to me, and that the facts prove that I cheated. I just wish there was some way to prove this, but i know there isnt. I feel like I'm going to lose my entire life over this.

Im not sure this will help but it is possible to have HSV1 (Cold Sore) transmitted to the genitals via oral sex. It can also be transmitted even without any cold sores present around the mouth area. For more info, look to the right on this page and it will hopefully answer all your questions and aleviate any doubts with your partner!

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bizwiz09

Well if this is the case, how did her test results come back negative for this disease? If she gets cold sores every summer, something should have showed up, right? What she cannot grasp is how her test read negative, besides getting the cold sores, and mine are postive. I appreciate all your help. And I have read almost everything i could, from this website to the CDC website. Im trying to save an almost 7 year relationship, but i feel like im losing miserably! Thanks again for your response!

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SillySlappa

her results would have come up negative for hsv2 - which is genital herpes. but hsv 1 would have been positive which is coldsores. she most likely transmitted hsv1 to your genitals thru oral. even tho hsv 1 is the face coldsores if someone has one and goes down there they can transfer it to your lady bits.

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Tiny

It is possible for her to have HSV 1 and not generate antibodies or generate them at too low a level to be picked up in her blood, this happen in around 5-10% of cases. Therefore the only way to "prove" definitively that she does not have cold sores is for her to wait until she gets one and then have it swabbed (or perhaps try the more sensitive Western Blot blood test, which is expensive and in all likelihood will give the same result if she does not generate antibodies). This of course will take time...not easy when you understandably want the question mark hanging over your relationship resolved NOW!

It is absolutely possible to get genital HSV from oral sex—and in fact now days up to 50% of new genital infections are from HSV 1(the virus that "usually" causes cold sores) and therefore oral sex. It should make no difference whether you are gay or straight in regards to wether you can get genital herpes from oral sex--everybody is at risk. Not necessarily an equal risk, unfortunately, woman are always at more risk of catching herpes as our bits have a greater surface area and more mucus membranes. However the dr that you saw was clearly not an “expert” on herpes or particularly well informed either—to imply that yours was a “special” case because you are a lesbian is just outrageous...I am straight and got genital herpes from oral sex...many, many people do.

What did you test results came back as positive for HSV 1 or HSV 2?

HSV1 would point strongly to the fact that you have got it from an oral infection--however HSV 2 can cause a recurrent oral infection and be transmitted to the genitals (it is incredibly rare, possibly even unicorn rare). If your partner gets a swab and has it typed will help you understand perhaps a little bit better, as if the strain is the same (both HSV 1) there is a strong chance this is where it came from. However if yours is HSV 2 there exists the possibility that you were infected many years before this relationship and the virus has lain dormant all this time. You can't know, but the dr and nurse were very wrong, misinformed and quite frankly destructively ignorant to propose that is must come from cheating--particularly when there are two very possible and real explanations, namely: she doesn’t get antibodies or you have had a dormant infection (they are right that symtom usually appear 3 days to a month after exposure but not always...a friend of my mothers got her first outbreak 10 years after her partner died, with no monkey business in the interim...it happens).

Hopefully your relationship has a strong basis in trust--because the reality is you will probably never know. However view these drs “speculations” with bucket loads of salt....and perhaps go and see a STD specialist.

Good luck

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short

Im sorry you are soo upset. I am also newly diagnosed. Scared and alone. I have done my own research and found many medical websites that support the idea of getting genital herpes through cold sores. Maybe you both could research together. Try webmd.com, discoveryhealth.com and maybe they can direct you to more websites. I wish you the best of luck.

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bizwiz09

Thats what i thought too: She just doesn't have any antibodies at this time. But she still doesn't believe any of it. Thats why I suggested that we will go back to hospital, get both of our results and have a sit-down with the doc. That way, any questions we both may have will be answered and I can also find out if they tested her for cold sores as well. The doc didnt imply I contracted through cheating, my partner did. I find it hard to believe that it could have been in my system for more than 7 years ( im 25 and became sexually active at 15), although the facts surely state its possible. She doesn't believe this happened either, so my last hope is that the doc can answer these questions to the satisfaction of my girlfriend. The biggest problem is that my girlfriend has a problem with trust ( former gf's have cheated on her) and ive tried to prove her wrong these past 6 years that everybody isnt going to do that. I have indeed failed terribly in her eyes.

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bizwiz09

Dear Short: You are not alone. This website proves it. I think together, we can all get through this. I'm taking it one day at a time, because in reality thats all u can do. Im scared as well, and have never gone through anything like this before. So it helps that there are ppl out there going through the same things and similar situations. I wish the best for u, and ur loved ones!

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bizwiz09

Thank you vtiny! I appreciate all the info you have provided. I have read it over and over again because it really helps. I will discuss this with my partner and see what she says and how she feels. Thanks again.

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short

thank you. you dont know how good it feels to hear that. I also wish you luck.

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Daisy79

I understand in many ways how you feel. My boyfriend of 2 years whom I thought I would spend the rest of my life with, infected me with the herpes virus and then accused me of giving it to him, even though I also explained that it could have been from his ex wife, who also gave him cold sores. My blood test results were negative because I was newly infected, and I will have to be retested in a few weeks so I do not know if I have type 1 or 2. The only reason I know it is highly unlikely that I had the virus is because I have been tested 2 times in the past and like you, I have never been with anyone else. My boyfriend was not supportive at all and immediately stated he no longer wanted to be with me. He got tested and claims he was told everything was negative, even though he knows he has type 1 and tested positive for it over a year ago. I don't know if he is lying or being truthful. I find it hard to believe all of a sudden a test would be negative. Like your partner, my boyfriend had trust issues due to past partners who cheated on him.

I really hope that you are able to work this out with your partner and she realizes that genital herpes can come from oral herpes. It may just take time for her to get more information.

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