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Sora

Unsupportive Parents

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Sora

I'm 20 years old and living with my parents. I've had almost chronic oral herpes since I was a child and when I was 14 I learned that I had somehow transferred it to my genital area. This is my second outbreak since then and I am in intense pain almost every time I move. I was perscribed a valacyclovir every 8 hours and given zovirax cream, and that's all I can do other than wait till the outbreak clears up. I hid the outbreak from my parents until I was no longer able to do so, but now that they know they have not respected the fact that I'm trying to live in a zero stress environment. They bring up things to yell at me about and blame me for me own sickness, not understanding what kind of pain I'm in. Talking with them is not effective. I am very worried that I'm having a hard time not getting stressed out. What are some things I can do to relax?

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JBnATL

I am sorry to hear about your parents. Perhaps it is time for you to leave the house.

The best thing for you is to eat healthy, exercise and get plenty of rest. It will not be an immediate fix, but in the long run you will feel better.

Come to the Chat Room, there you will find many nice fellow Herpsters who can offer you their support.

Good luck!

JB

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Lattegirl

Sora:

Sorry to hear about your situation. Please remember that parents are only human and not perfect. That is sometimes the hardest part about growing up is realizing that your parents have their own insecurities, problems, and inadequacies. Don't blame them, they are likely reacting due to their own fears and possibility low coping skills.

The best thing you can do is take care of yourself first. You and your health are what is most important, even if they don't agree. Can you find a place to live on your own? Having your privacy and a place to call your own would go a long, long way in reducing your stress.

Other stress measures: Tai Chi, yoga, swimming, taking a walk, running, meditation, and getting a massage. Things you find pleasure in (hobbies?) will reduce your stress, as will partaking in some strenous exercise (assuming you are not in a lot of pain). You have to be able to do these activities with a free mind and not in the presence of people yelling and screaming at you.

At some point, when you are in a position where you aren't living with your parents, you might want to sit them down and have a talk with them. Explain to them that this is a virus, not who you are. Ask them if they would be treating you like this if you had cancer or some other chronic disease? Tell them you understand that they are concerned for your well-being, but that you need their support not judgement.

As JB has suggested, keeping your body at it's healthiest is the key to being well. Aside from being physically well, you need to be emotionally well. If you have access to any psychological counseling (are you in school? this is usually free at most universities), I'd highly recommend going. You can learn coping mechanisms and ways to deal with your parents reactions.

Things will get better. Take care of yourself first!

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    • StayingUpbeat
      First, that your doctor simply tried non-generic valacyclovir instead of referring you to a dermatologist is surprising.  If you are taking daily Valacyclovir, and still have frequent visible lesions, a competent dermatologist would prescribe something called Foscarnet.  It is unfortunately an injection and (I believe) it must be administered weekly at an injection center or hospital.  However, the combination of weekly foscarnet and daily valacyclovir would almost certainly eliminate your visible outbreaks.  It's important to note that no current drug combination is known to totally eliminate HSV shedding.  You would need to have routine blood monitoring on this combination as Foscarnet has some potential side effects. Next, there are members on this site who have been able to obtain a drug called Amenalief from Japan.  It's a recently approved (in Japan) member of a class of HSV drugs called Helicase Primase Inhibitors (HPI): https://www.mimaki-family-japan.com/item/detail?item_prefix=TF&item_code=705711&item_branch=001 It is bio-similar to a drug called Pritelivir which is currently in clinical trials in the US for HSV in the immuno-compromised (i.e. organ transplants, HIV).  A member in this thread talks specifically about his experience taking 100mg/day to help with outbreaks.  It unfortunately sounds very expensive to take suppressively.  Finally, there was recently a small successful clinical trial on the use of topical squaric acid dibutylester (SADBE) for the control of HSV.  If your doctor is comfortable trying alternate therapies to control your outbreaks topical SADBE is an FDA approved cream that you could discuss trying.  My recommendation would be to bring this paper discussing the trial to your next doctor's visit.  It would be an off-label use but the cream is relatively benign.  It's most frequent use is clearing-up cutaneous warts on children. As always none of this discussion constitutes medical advice (I am simply a middle-aged engineer not a doctor) and you should always follow the direction of your doctor or medical professional over advise found on the internet.  One of these three options may however improve your situation.  Unless there is something other than HSV going on.
    • Hellothere123
      I really don’t feel like I can keep going on with this, it’s always in the back of my head and I feel like I’m not worthy of love anymore and I just want to end it all 
    • honkschonks
      @Anon222 I told the women I have slept with most recently. She’s been a regular partner who has had zero symptoms. She’s going to get tested. She’s the most level headed person I know and a good friend. One doctor told me for legal reasons to tell everyone in the past year that I have it. Another doctor said that’s unrealistic and pointless. I have no idea when it started as I had no major undoubtable outbreak, so going back a year may be too far, it may not be far enough. I’m not sure what to do. It has irritated me how casual doctors are about this. It won’t kill you but The emotional effect of knowing you have it or thinking you may have it seems to be more damaging than having it. People on here talking about suicide. I guess that’s why they don’t test for it, or it just got out of hand and there’s no going back. Strangely I haven’t been that stressed about it. Luckily I’ve been very busy working so I haven’t had time worry about it. Thanks @NY12345 for your thoughts.
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    • IcantThinkofaName
      I've also considered this option..and its still looking like a good idea. so... Did you try any other Av's like famvir or privetir? I think there are some others too...  Up the vitamin C, check your vit D levels via bloodwork... Are you stressed out or have a stressful lifestyle ( aside from having HSV, which alone is a stressor)? There are no other health issues going on ? How hard are your workouts? The last few Obs I had were after very intense resistance/weight workouts, and I was completely exhausted after...combined with a night of bad or little sleep. Tried L- glutamine supplementation? Lithium orotate ( its a supplement too) has been known to supress the virus/replication too. I have also read it could mutate it...not sure how accurate that is, or if there was a study that proved that..maybe google it. I took The lithium one time and it was an abbreviated/shorter Outbreak than others...but I was also taking alot of vit C, or it could have happened for another reason...I'll never know for sure. but...mediating for 12 hours a day might help too... (seriously) but just don't meditate on HSV. Or maybe in another year your body will get a better hold on the virus and can cope better. it is depressing, I can relate.  My Obs have finally  lessened after 1 yr and 3 months. I still have almost daily sensations, tingling though..I'm probably contagious AF. Sex isn't really on the radar anymore. so No reason to take the AVs as they cause some side effects for me. Time to join that monastery. There are more important things in life than sex, right?  (thats what some people are telling me and I want to punch them. I really liked/enjoyed sex) Hang in there. I was told after the 6 yr mark, HSV becomes a non issue in your body. ( thats what one of my Drs told me, so  not sure how accurate that is either, but I guess it gives me 4.5 years of hope) let me know if any of this helps or you find something that does.I wish you the best.  
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