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Unsupportive Parents

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I'm 20 years old and living with my parents. I've had almost chronic oral herpes since I was a child and when I was 14 I learned that I had somehow transferred it to my genital area. This is my second outbreak since then and I am in intense pain almost every time I move. I was perscribed a valacyclovir every 8 hours and given zovirax cream, and that's all I can do other than wait till the outbreak clears up. I hid the outbreak from my parents until I was no longer able to do so, but now that they know they have not respected the fact that I'm trying to live in a zero stress environment. They bring up things to yell at me about and blame me for me own sickness, not understanding what kind of pain I'm in. Talking with them is not effective. I am very worried that I'm having a hard time not getting stressed out. What are some things I can do to relax?

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I am sorry to hear about your parents. Perhaps it is time for you to leave the house.

The best thing for you is to eat healthy, exercise and get plenty of rest. It will not be an immediate fix, but in the long run you will feel better.

Come to the Chat Room, there you will find many nice fellow Herpsters who can offer you their support.

Good luck!


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Sorry to hear about your situation. Please remember that parents are only human and not perfect. That is sometimes the hardest part about growing up is realizing that your parents have their own insecurities, problems, and inadequacies. Don't blame them, they are likely reacting due to their own fears and possibility low coping skills.

The best thing you can do is take care of yourself first. You and your health are what is most important, even if they don't agree. Can you find a place to live on your own? Having your privacy and a place to call your own would go a long, long way in reducing your stress.

Other stress measures: Tai Chi, yoga, swimming, taking a walk, running, meditation, and getting a massage. Things you find pleasure in (hobbies?) will reduce your stress, as will partaking in some strenous exercise (assuming you are not in a lot of pain). You have to be able to do these activities with a free mind and not in the presence of people yelling and screaming at you.

At some point, when you are in a position where you aren't living with your parents, you might want to sit them down and have a talk with them. Explain to them that this is a virus, not who you are. Ask them if they would be treating you like this if you had cancer or some other chronic disease? Tell them you understand that they are concerned for your well-being, but that you need their support not judgement.

As JB has suggested, keeping your body at it's healthiest is the key to being well. Aside from being physically well, you need to be emotionally well. If you have access to any psychological counseling (are you in school? this is usually free at most universities), I'd highly recommend going. You can learn coping mechanisms and ways to deal with your parents reactions.

Things will get better. Take care of yourself first!

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