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whatdidido

Help I messed up huge...

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whatdidido

I have only had this herpes diagnosis for 6 mos. and I have been with the same person who gave it to me until a month ago. I am currently on Valtrex 500mg daily. Well 2 days ago I had unprotected sex with someone who does not know anything......I need to tell him and I really really like him!!! He is going to hate me and never talk to me again. How should I go about this?

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JBnATL

Well you definitely made a mistake. However, don't assume he will hate you, who knows there is a chance he already has it.

Casually ask him if he has ever had a cold sore. No on thinks they are bad things and chances are he has. Then say you should have told him earlier but you get cold sores but not on your mouth. Ask him if he knows what causes them and tell him if he does not. Ask for his forgiveness, then tell him some facts.

Tell him it is harder for a guy to catch it from a girl than vice versa and tell him that since you take daily meds you reduce the risk of transmission by 50%. Then show him the following article on transmission rates. As you can see it really isn't that easy to pass along:

http://www.hsvblog.org/herpes-simplex-virus-hsv-101/

Come to the Chat Room, there you will find many nice fellow Herpsters who can offer you their support.

Good luck!

JB

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package deal

yep you messed up royally. You put another person a risk. if he reacts badly to it you cannot blame him. You just have to now woman up and tell him and accept the conustances of your actions

the thing here is not only to tell him but for you to learn from this. There no good reason of not first disclosing your herpies status to any partner either long term or one night stand before you induldge.

I know i am not being very sympthitic here . But i got herpies from someone just like you who knew he had herpies and choose not to disclose it to me. unfortunatly he has not learned his lesson and still happily spreading it.

You have a choce now. to be a good responsible person or a jerk selfish being. the choice is up to you.

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xoxo2009

I did that ... a couple times. I was terrified of the reaction i would get when i told the guy. But then I'd get so scared and so upset that I lied about it, that I told him a couple days after the first time we had sex together. Annnd he wasn't mad... he understood it was took a lot of courage to tell him and that if he was in my situation he probably would have done the same thing. He was definitely glad that i TOLD him and was honest about it before he got a surprise. And the fact that i drove like an hour to see him to tell him in person at 12am... If he can't accept you for it, and appreciate the fact that you told him even though you were terrified... then he's not right for you anyway.

Don't fret. =)

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MissHope
If he can't accept you for it, and appreciate the fact that you told him even though you were terrified... then he's not right for you anyway.

Don't fret. =)

Mmmm, yes and no on this one...... I am usually the biggest advocate for this advice, but in this case its a little bit different.

If the OP had told before intimacy, then yes this may be the case. But, she is telling after the fact.... which to some people may be a betrayal or a breach of trust.

If he chooses not to stay, it may be because of more than herpes - because of the fact that he was lied to (by omission) and because he had his choice taken away. He may have trust issues, he may have health issues, he may already have it.... you don't know but when we tell people, we give them a right to decide about their sexual health. And to some people that's a big deal so, he may well walk away, with good reason.

Hence the idea that is definitely good to tell prior to the clothes hitting the floor, not after it could potentially be too late.

To the OP, my advice is to fess up - and soon. Explain what you told us.... that you really care about him but you didn't know how to bring it up because you were nervous and weren't sure how he would react.

Make sure you are armed with facts and information as I am sure he will have questions so have some answers. Maybe even print out some info or direct him to this site for further information.

Best case scenario, he understands. Worst case scenario, you learn a lesson, sadly the hard way.

But I do wish you luck. Let us know how you go. I'll have my fingers crossed for a good outcome for you both.

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