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itsbeentoolong

Got H and in Denial? Forgot?

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itsbeentoolong

Hmmmmm, so I've read several posts where individuals stated they neglected to reveal their status to partners because they "forgot" they had the virus. There are also individuals who admitted to being in denial.

Despite the lack of symptoms, I'm not too sure you can completely forget you have it; however, I can truly understand the denial. I was diagnosed 19 years ago (I've been saying 18) and haven't had an outbreak in 18 years. Thank you GOD! :D I had the pain in buttocks/legs, but many years ago. Although I've had other muscle/joint pains, I never assumed it was from H (but learning from this site that it could have been). I never talked about my situation and no one knew except a friend who has it. I never disclosed to any of my docs. When filling out a medical history, I neglect to acknowlege I have H. I've had various female issues over the years, and my mind never backtracked to H. Even when trying to figure out major female problems, I never clued my gyn in on my condition.

For many years, viral shedding wasn't an issue. Considering I was using condoms anyway, I never had to think about it when it came to sex/intimacy. Even when the issue of viral shedding surfaced, I thought it was just internal. So again, condoms, and no need to worry. I've only had two sex partners since being diagnosed, and neither were infected (as far as I know). I became a condom queen after being infected. Go figure...

In short, it was never in my face, so I really never thought about it or dealt with it. I honestly started thinking (or maybe hoping) that my initial diagnosis was in error. I thought about being retested, but God forbid I had to say the H word to someone! So, I just left well enough alone. It was only recently that I started reflecting on it and accepting the initial diagnosis. In addition, with so much new information surfacing, I wanted to educate myself on transmission in the event I decide to give into love. :-) (2% chance on that)

Admittedly, I've lived in denial with this for all these years, never really accepting I defintely had it. And guess what, that process of denial kept me sane. :p I guess for those who "forgot," their denial was even stronger. Maybe. Maybe not. But, I won't judge.

Nonetheless, I think it's best I go back into denial as I swear I've had H "symptoms" every since I started on here! SMH.:confused: I'm giving it too much attention!

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