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estefoni

At times, very lonely

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estefoni

So a quickly background of me, My name is Estefoni, and my boyfriend told me in December 10' that he had been cheating on me with another girl for four months. It's an odd kinda cheat since he said he didn't kiss or have sex with her, only beat her and cuddled afterward. (did get my consent. not cool.) I broke up with him in early January, but was in denial about being tested and didn't get it done until late February.

By this time, I had been with two random men from a dating site. I had never been tested before, and when the tests came back poisitive I didn't know who gave it to me- or when. My doctor has an idea I've had it all my life and just hadn't noticed the symptoms or something. I had to inform the two boys, my ex, his lover, and a ex before him (just to be sure). After that, I learned in the beginning of March my ex's lover has type 1, when she didn't have it in September.

This leads me to believe my doctor is pretty right and I've had it this whole time, gave it to everyone, and now they're spreading it because they didn't know. I felt terrible, I cried, but I'm more calm about this idea.

That being said, my future adventures with men is now very limited. A good friend joked I should just not tell them, but I could not do that to another person. People are trying to calm me down and tell me 1:9 Americans have type 1 so it's not the end of the world. My issue is, everyone thinks it is- and are very judgmental and it hurts me. I did tell two boys I was dating the results, but only because I was currently dating and needed to make sure I didn't unknowingly pass it to them. But now one of the boys, Tom, has gotten bored of me or whatever and doesn't talk to me anymore. I don't know what to do about myself now, because I feel like if I ever try to trust someone with this- then try to talk to them about it, they will just get annoyed with me as well and leave.

Which leaves me alone on here to look for support. Don't get me wrong, anyone who is supportive is great, but talking to people about this in public, puts me at ease... I don't like to contain my feelings or thoughts, and now I feel like I'm forced to.

I don't even know where this is going now, so Hi, My name's Estefoni...

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