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What should I do?


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Here is something that is interesting (to me.)

I just found out that the person I contracted HSV2 from is with a very young girl and got her pregnant. (he is 30/31, she is 20...maybe 21.) She is a really good kid. When I last saw her she was still a virgin, pursuing music, all that. Anyhoo...he is in denial about having Herpes. When I confronted him with it, naturally, it was my fault, he was CLEAN, he didn't have anything. (I was married for 10 years before sleeping with him and NEVER had an ob, slept with him, always with a condom. The last time I slept with him the condom broke! Two days later, I had a little bump...tested postive...go figure! HE on the other hand, turned out to be a male slut...)

So this nice kid is pregnant by him, and I wonder, is she aware? Does she know? Has he told her? Has SHE had any OBs? I worry that this will be a situation where she is unaware and at the last minute, have an OB, possibly passing it on to her child. I wish there was some way to warn her, but I can't do that. It would be wrong, I am sure. Plus, to alarm a young pregnant girl, that is wrong too. Hopefully she is well OR she is aware of it (he finally grew some balls and admitted it!)

I just feel bad, as if anything DOES happen to that baby, I will feel sorry for not saying anything and possibly preventing it. Then I think well, it is HIS responsiblity and he is aware of it! I know he is! Flipside of that is: yeah, but he is a pig and a liar and in denial and he won't say anything and that baby can be born with neo natal herpes and I will feel HORRIBLE if that happens.

So what does one do? I now live in another state, and I have long moved on with my life, so what do I do? Nothing? Anything? Has anybody else had this sort of situation come up? Please advise.....

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That is a tough one... she has the right to know to protect her baby,.... but he could totally come after you for telling her... bottom line though... baby is more important.. and if you are positive you got it from him.... find a way for her to know... maybe give him an ultimatum.....

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honestly, I would stay out of it. Especially since there's no way to really determine that it was that guy who gave it to you no matter how confident you are. Condoms do little to protect against herpes so a broken condom and an outbreak 2 days later aren't necessarily correlated even if it seems that way.

Yes, I agree that a baby is very important, but the odds of the baby contracting herpes is incredibly small.

Just my 2 cents.

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  • 2 months later...

That IS a tough one! Because, say he does have it, and hasn't passed it to her yet but ends up doing so in the last trimester. It could be devastating for the infant. On the other hand, I totally agree with hsvmom that there is really no way to know for sure that he has it. I know it can feel like you know 100% and perhaps you do, but since there's a sliver of a chance you could be wrong it could be considered slanderous to warn the young woman.

The only thing I personally might consider doing is advising him about the risks of passing herpes on to her during pregnancy. He may be totally unaware of how dangerous that is and it might push him to take action to prevent that, even if he only harbors a suspicion that he may have it. Maybe you could write him an unthreatening note and print out an article or two about the risks. Just a thought.

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  • 2 weeks later...

whew playing catch up today! ;-)

I have not yet said or done anything. Sometimes I want to send an anonymous letter or note or something, but it is such a touchy situation. I feel as though it is "my duty" to inform the girl, because if that baby is born with the H, I am going to feel the slightest hint of guilt. BUT at the same time, they are both adults and able to make their own choices and it is NOT my responsibility to police the world...not even idiot ex boyfriends who lie and do not tell you they have herpes....if he hasn't told her, then that is on him.....and her for not checking out HIS past ....

But still...a baby is innocent, and doesn' ask for this shit. '

I don't know, I don't knnow! I am just going to hope and pray the baby is born healthy and safe. :(

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  • 5 months later...

You know....I have not heard anything, so I can assume no news is good news. (meaning, the baby did NOT contract herpes via the mother....who most likely has contracted it from my ex dipshit boyfriend.) Unfortunately, in this society, you always hear the bad news before the good, so I will just have to assume that the baby is ok. I hope so!!! I did hear they had a little boy, so I hope he is healthy in all aspects. :)

The way I handled this situation was underhanded to say the least, but hopefully, helped the young mother as well as protect my status.

I mentioned to a gal pal that I heard from very reliable sources that this man had a lifelong STD. And that I was worried about the baby and young mother. I knew that the person I told was quite a busy body and that word would get back through the grapevine to the mother to be. I hope it did. Because at least she can protect herself from here on out. He will NOT tell and will not be honest. He has lied and blames the WORLD for his woes, and has quite a mean streak in regards to women in general, so......I just hope this girl and her baby are ok.

So that is all I know. I don't know if I did the right thing or not, my main concern was/is for the infant. I feel bad for this young lady as well, she doens't realize what a misogynist she is involved with. I THANK my lucky stars I got out of that relationship as soon as I saw through his "charming" veneer.

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  • 1 year later...

Honestly if I was that young girl, I would be greatful to someone trying to look out for my child in the long run. It's obvious it's just comming froma caring person whois looking out for her best interest. I thinke even if you are wrong she would still appreciate it. There are things alot more important then being polite sometimes. Then if you tell her she can decide what do do with the information. This is my oppinion anywase.

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