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StormyBelle

Thoughts?

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StormyBelle

I posted about this awhile back and received some good feedback. Still struggling, so I am posting again. I am currently online dating through a "regular" dating site, not Positive Singles. Since I am in a public position at work and not strong enough yet to face possible fall-out, I have avoided Positive Singles. At times, I feel as if I am being deceptive by even trying to online date, even though I would most definitely have the talk with anyone before getting physical. I'm scared he will think I lied just by being on the site while knowing I have HSV 1 and 2. And, honesty is one of my best qualities. The whole thing has me rattled, obviously. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

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itsbeentoolong
I posted about this awhile back and received some good feedback. Still struggling, so I am posting again. I am currently online dating through a "regular" dating site, not Positive Singles. Since I am in a public position at work and not strong enough yet to face possible fall-out, I have avoided Positive Singles. At times, I feel as if I am being deceptive by even trying to online date, even though I would most definitely have the talk with anyone before getting physical. I'm scared he will think I lied just by being on the site while knowing I have HSV 1 and 2. And, honesty is one of my best qualities. The whole thing has me rattled, obviously. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

I totally understand avoidance of Positive Singles. I am very private about the fact that I have H. I'm certainly not plastering my face on a website for the world to see. I have the upmost respect for those who do, it's just not my thing. As far as being on a regular dating site, there is nothing dishonest about it. I'm certain everyone on there has a "history" or situation. Those things are discussed once you establish that things are really moving along. Would someone need to post on their profile that they were raped or molested in the past? No. Everything is not for everyone to know and you decide the right time to discuss private matters.

It's really no different than meeting someone on the street or anywhere else.

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StormyBelle

Thanks for the feedback. I realize everyone has a past, but HSV is something that can be passed on. And, I try to keep telling myself that online dating is no different than meeting someone on the street. But, meeting someone on the street is by chance. Online dating is intent to meet someone. See how confused I am and how much I struggle with this? :(

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inquiring1

It is what it is!

Hi Belle,

Unfortunately, I met my x/giver on an on-line personals site. I was just looking for a chat buddy, and I intentioally picked men that were a fair distance from me. Needless to say I endured a long distance relationship that was doomed from the beginning.

If you want my personal opinion I think that it is never wrong for one to care for another; regardless, of the circumstances or outcome. I guess I can kind of understand your concern, but I think it is due to your honest streak. I am glad to hear you say that you will always disclose prior to intimacy.

My relationship experience has been that no one has rejected me because of my positive status. My problem is that I am never able to keep a relationship together. The person I am dating now says that I just have not met the right one. Time will tell. He is very high profile, and I am a professional who works with the public.

Please don't let your HSV positive status hinder your search for a companion.

Sincerely,

Inquiring1 :wavey:

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reeses0810

I have not even tried to date yet because of my fear of telling someone that I have HSV-2. I do not know how to go about that situation. I know that I have heard that people have found love but I do not think a lot of people in my age group can fully appreciate what my circumstance is. Anyone have some advice for me?

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itsbeentoolong
I realize everyone has a past, but HSV is something that can be passed on.

I was pointing out that things of a private nature are not expected to be disclosed on your profile, and also that there are many people on there who have "situations" (including STDs) and their waiting for the right time to disclose, if at all..

And, I try to keep telling myself that online dating is no different than meeting someone on the street. But, meeting someone on the street is by chance. Online dating is intent to meet someone. See how confused I am and how much I struggle with this

Lol. There's nothing wrong, ethically or morally, with intentionally seeking someone because you have H. If there was a disclaimer stating "non-STD carriers only," or his profile said "seeking disease free women," then yes, you would be crossing the line. I think your concern may lie with the fact that you assume someone on a "traditional" dating site is looking for herpes free candidates. The men on there are the same as those you meet by chance- he may be accepting, he may not be.

Also, if we use that line of reasoning, that means when you meet someone by chance you have to immediately run the other way and let him chase you down. Otherwise, it's malicious intent. :-)

I feel you though. I really do. I envy you for even feeling courageous enough to tell a potential partner. I'm not there yet. Don't know if I'll ever be. :-(

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StormyBelle

Thanks to all again for the feedback. What you all say makes sense. I'm just a little dense at times. I do want to meet a good man and have a solid relationship, but I am just scared in general about the whole thing. I told one man about my HSV and he was wonderfully accepting and understanding. I loved him and could have never intentionally lied to him. It didn't work out for other reasons. If you truly love someone, you will be honest and be able to have the talk even though it's terribly difficult. OK...I'm rambling now. :( I guess I just need to come to terms with the fact that you never really know anyone when you meet them and it'll take time.

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