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Trouble Becoming Celibate While Still in a Relationship


lonesovereign

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I was diagnosed with GHSV1 a year ago. I have been with my current boyfriend for 5 years off and on. I got GHSV1 from an ex-boyfriend who I lost my virginity to, who I reunited with a year ago during a period where my current boyfriend and I had broken up. About a week and a half after having sex with my ex-boyfriend, my current boyfriend and I decided to get back together. I told him everything about my ex-boyfriend and what had happened, he was upset but still wanted to be with me. A few days after getting back together was when I first noticed the symptoms of herpes and was officially diagnosed with it about a week later. I was distraught over what was happening but my boyfriend stood by my side ever since.

My boyfriend and I have been having sex regularly since that entire incident. The past year has been a very trying year for my boyfriend and I. I was brought up in a Christian household but as I got older and moved out on my own, I have failed to include religion as an active part of my life. I would pray but besides that I wouldn't do much else. Recently however, due to my own fears about what will happen after this life, I have begun to read the Bible again and am just trying to live a better life.

I know that premarital sex is wrong and it is what got me into such an unwanted predicament. I have decided that it would be best if I refrain from having premarital sex. I told my boyfriend this morning and he is basically beyond upset with me. I love him, I am attracted to him and I still do want to have sex with him but at the same time I am trying to live a life that is pleasing to God. I know that this is such a sudden decision and I didn't expect him to be readily accepting of it but right now he is at the point of wanting to break up with me for good.

We have already moved past everything that has happened in the past, I have apologized numerous times to him for it over the course of the last year. I am so grateful that he looked past that and decided to still be with me despite it. I'm not making this decision to hurt him but at the same time I still do want to be with him. I am aware that my actions in the past were truly messed up but I am trying to move past those mistakes. I don't know what to do. I still have sexual urges and want to have sex with my boyfriend but at the same time I am trying to build a relationship with God. I can't blame him for feeling the way he does but I don't want to lose him. He says that he has enough of me and everything that I am putting him through. I have prayed about it but I just need some type of advice, I feel so alone in this and have been crying all day over this, I don't know what to do. Maybe it would be best just to let him go, I don't know, I am just torn in two right now.

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itsbeentoolong

I also strayed from my faith and a young age and didn't return until much later in life. Often, when thinking of my situation, I view it as "you reap what you sow." I know there are many who lived their life "accordingly" and still contracted the virus; however, I'm still confident my life would have been so much better had I not strayed. There are so many pitfalls I could have avoided.

During my hiatus, there were many times I wanted to return; however, I didn't feel I was strong enough. And honestly, I wasn't ready to give up what I was doing. I was seeing someone for quite some time before I made the decision to get it right. I went cold turkey. It was difficult; but I had made up my mind to serve God and not the flesh. Did I still think about sex? Sometimes. Did i take trips down memory lane? Yep. However, keeping company with strong fellow worshippers and prayer were my weapons against the flesh. Continue to pray and focus on building your relationship with God. He will help you. He knows your heart and hears the prayers of those hearnestly seeking him. He is a powerful God. The same God that made the earth stand still for three days! Helping you fight your desires is a small thng to him.

I never tell someone what to do, but I will say this. It is extremely difficult being in a relationship when you are unevenly yoked. Your conviction includes saving sex for marriage. Having someone who doesn't cling to the same will only put roadblocks in your way as you try to fight to do what's acceptable in the eyes of God. In addition, we let go of many things when we hand our lives over. For some it's drugs, careers, material possessions, significant others, friends, etc. Remember, Jesus said to pick up your torture stake and follow him. The bible also reminds us that when we suffer for righteousness sake we will be blessed! And when it says "God can not lie," that's another reassurance that whatever you loose in his name, he will bless you in abundance!

Feel free to PM me any time...

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Itsbeentoolong thank you for your response, it is much appreciated. You have basically reiterated everything that I am aware of already but am too afraid to face because of my fears of losing my boyfriend. Your words have given me the motivation and confidence to talk to my boyfriend and actually have a real conversation about this rather than arguing about it. This is just a very difficult situation but I'm sure that although I may experience some heartache, I will overcome it.

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