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jane7

hello there....is anybody here?

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jane7

Greetings, i'm totally new here and feel like i'm in an empty warehouse.....

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Amalia

Hi jane7 and welcome.

This is a great site for support and information. It was a life saver for me after I was first diagnosed and helped me to feel less overwhelmed and afraid. Knowledge is power.

I hope you stick around and take advantage of all that the site has to offer. You are most definitely not in an empty warehouse : )

Hang in there!

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jane7

my name is jane...and i'm 61 y/o....and yes, i have herpes.....the man i was with didn't think he needed to tell me he has herpes because he didn't believe he could transmit it absent and active outbreak............well he can and he did......but my life is good...and will continue to be good

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Amalia

Hi Jane,

so many people don't know much about herpes. Most people don't even know that cold sores are a form of herpes.

You sounds like you have a good attitude about life and all that it can offer.

Glad you are here.

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jane7

thank you Amalia.....i'm really well versed in the virus....but would like to chat with those who are also dealing with the virus....always something to learn....and quite honestly, i would like to participate in an intimate relationship but not put another at risk....

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jane7

ok Amalia.....yep i want to date.....but a man who also has herpes.....and i don't have a clue how to go about meeting someone in the same situation......

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Amalia

Have you tired Positive Singles? That is an internet dating site for people with herpes and things like HPV etc

I know what you mean about not wanting to put another person at risk....

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mercutio

Hi, there, Jane, I'm new here, too. Think it will be a good thing to share information and have a positive support group. :)

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jane7

Nice to meet you Mercutio and I agree....sharing information and positive support are important and necessary for a positive outcome and wellbeing.

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itsbeentoolong

Hi Jane,

Welcome! This place is far from empty. Lots of members and frequent posts. I think you'll find you'll meet some really great people here. I agree, there's so much to learn. I've had it for 19 years and didn't realize how much I DIDN'T know until I came here.

Look forward to chatting with you....

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jane7

thank you itsbeentoolong....i appreciate hearing from you....and look forward to a lengthy conversation.....

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jane7

blessed82, i too am new to this site......i was diagnosed with herpes 2 in 2008.....and could have just spit! caution is wise....learn as much as you can and be gentle with yourself.....nice to meet you.

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dnalevelc

Hello, Having a hard time coping lately. Im a single guy, and luckily I have had a few gfs that stuck around after finding out. I hate that conversation, and it is keeping me from dating lately.

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jane7

Hello dnaleelc.....i'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time but i certainly understand.....it's a difficult conversation to have but so important.....how can i be supportive?

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dnalevelc

jane, I have no idea. I was diagnosed in 2000, I was 20, I thought about deserting myself on an island.

lately, and after watching leaving las vegas, I am thinking of saving my cash, moving to south america, and drinking myself to death.

I meet girls all the time, and I take them on dates, but when it comes to intimacy lately, I just cant do it.

That talk is so uncomfortable, and herpes is a big fucking joke on tv.

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jane7

dnalevelc...............herpes is NOT a death sentence........it's a glitch..........You are so much more than herpes......and you deserve to have a full life.........the talk doesn't have to be uncomfortable............You are aware of the significant percentage of the population who have herpes but haven't been diagnosed.............how more women contract herpes than men? It's not a joke and those who are laughing and think they're immune, i think, are at greater risk because of their arrogance and ignorance. As i said, you are so much more that that diagnosis..........focus on that.........be the best man you can be.........anyway....you know the old saying....if you can't talk about sex, you shouldn't be having it......i'm here for you.......and i am comfortable talking about it....

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dnalevelc

Thanks Jane,

sometimes even superheros need talked off the ledge.

maybe as Im getting to be 30 now, I just dont feel confident that I will get acceptance.

hell, its not even just acceptance. What if a friend is interested, I tell her, and she tells all my friends.

I had a gf that upon breaking up, told every girl she thought I was interested in on facebook.

Somedays I feel I am worth it, and then there are days that a death sentence sounds pleasant.

I guess if I had someone, I wouldnt feel so alone. But they come and go.

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jane7

dnalevelc.....i can only tell you not to let another define you......and yes....superheros sometimes do need to be talked off the ledge.....we support one another..........................and what a lucky man you are to have learned the true character of that "gf".....and i'm sorry that happened to you.............but a woman or man of substance will weigh the risk/benefit ratio........she will gather information.........she will consult her doctor and perhaps even ask that you accompany her to her doctor to discuss options and safety...........it will be something you talk about and research together.............coming from a place of respect and trust. Now that is what you deserve.......the maturity and integrity of a grounded relationship.......the days of frivolous and random sex are over...........we have a responsibility to ourselves.................................i applaud you for telling your former girlfriend and have little respect for how she handled the information....she essentially betrayed your trust and deemed herself unworthy...............others will have taken note of that as well..............so hold your head up high....you're a man...........................i understand how you feel......i struggle with the feeling of loneliness and belief i will never have sex with a man again......but i know that i am so much more than the herpes i carry.............and that's what i remind myself to focus on..........and i claim it until i believe it...........

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itsbeentoolong

dnalevelc,

I dread the idea of the talk as well. Probably will never have it. However, when I let my mind wander, I know it would only be with someone who has already demonstrated a serious level of maturity and confidentiality. Even if he decides my problem is too much to take on, at least I can feel confident that the rest of the world isn't going to be whispering behind my back because he couldn't keep his mouth shut.

With that said, a woman of character would not have put you out there like that. Use that experience as a lesson. If you decide to date, take the time to REALLY get to know her. If you notice she blabs to you about everyone else's business, cut her loose, she's certainly not the one to trust with yours.

Clearly, it's a rough spot to be in, but it's not a death sentence. I hope it gets better for you real soon. :-)

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