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jennibean

HSV is the death of me

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jennibean

im going to end my life

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dinki

please don't

i have felt how u r feeling over and over again but believe me there r worse things to kill yourself for..what if u kill urself and next week there's a cure, pls take a deep breath, go to bed and wake up hoping for a better day.

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officefan

I feel the same way. Im in my 10th week of my initial outbreak--the sores wont heal and every few days I get new ones--which also wont heal. I take valtrex every day along with hundreds of dollars worth of herbal and former soviet block medications and supposed "immune boosters." NOTHING HELPS. Every day I wake up to a reminder that I'll never be desirable again. I'll always be scared of transmitting this shit. It kills me that all always have to be grateful to any man that would risk his sexual health to be with me. Herpes destroys any semblance of equal footing in a relationship. They may not think that way--but I always will. It kills me that I'll always have something medically wrong with me that someone will have to "see past." The only thing that stops me from thinking of the most painless way to off myself is the idea that maybe something might come out within the next 3-5 years that would stop or greatly reduce shedding. 5-10% chance of transmission per year with valtrex (which apparently doesnt work for me) is just not good enough. I've been waiting all month for the results Aicuris was supposed to come out with at the "beginning of the year" about their phase 2 trial. I don't know what I'm gonna do if it turns out to be another bust. I'd never wish this on my worst enemy.

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toniragone

I know how you feel. I felt the same way. I thought I am such a good person and mom and I'm single now. How and why? If it weren't for my kids, I would have driven off a cliff! But now that I know that there are sooo many other people out there with this, I'm much better. I couldn't believe that there were dating websites for people like us! That's amazing. And other people who share our infections, feel your pain and hurt. Don't give up. It will get better. I was just diagnosed last month, and I have no idea when or how. And now that I think about it, it doesn't matter. Nothing can change it. You will be ok.

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RealisticGal

Jennibean,

I know you are really struggling right now. Please let us hear from you, so we will know you are still with us.

But more importantly, please seek help to see you through this crisis. There are hotlines you can call, or you could see a therapist.

HSV can't be worth ending your life, but it could seem that way right now. Just get some help so you can come out the other side of this.

You could call the National Herpes Hotline --- 919-361-8488 --- to speak to someone who is knowledgeable about herpes and understands what you are going through. The hotline is available from 9 a.m. to 7 p.m. Eastern Time, Monday through Friday.

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jennibean

Thanks Guys, but I just dont know what to do. I cant stop these sad thoughts. I should be well over the shock by now, and I would be if I saw improvement, but things are exactly the same

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RealisticGal
Thanks Guys, but I just dont know what to do. I cant stop these sad thoughts. I should be well over the shock by now, and I would be if I saw improvement, but things are exactly the same

Hey, Jennibean, thank you for touching base. :itsme:

I know you mentioned you are taking acyclovir. What I don't know is what else you have tried to make things better (both physically and emotionally).

Have you ever used any of the other anti-virals, like Valtrex? I know some folks here say that one has no effect for them, while a different one helps bunches.

Have you tried the various home remedies, supplements, lifestyle changes?

One of the members here, I believe it was Denise07, said the most helpful thing for her was to stop focusing on herpes so much. She said that when she finally put it aside and didn't think about it all the time, she suddenly stopped having such frequent outbreaks. She believes that the focus on herpes was adding to her stress, which is a well-known trigger, of course.

I know it is hard to not focus on something that is causing you pain. Sort of a Catch-22 for sure.

As far as not being able to stop the sad thoughts --- I do know exactly how you feel there. A couple of years ago, I found myself stuck in a place of misery over a situation (not herpes). I was in a very low place and didn't know how to climb out. :sadfacetoday:

I had never been a believer in therapists before that, but at the end of my rope, I decided to give that a try. Lo and behold, just a few sessions with a good therapist allowed me to get "unstuck." From there I was able to work through my feelings and thoughts of sadness on my own.

Please consider giving something like that a try. Doesn't have to be a therapist. Could be a support group. Could be the hotline I mentioned before. :call:

The main thing is, recognize that you can't do it all by yourself. Reach out for help. That's what it's there for, hon.

:itllbeok:

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jennibean

Thanks, I ordered valtrex so we'll see how that works out. Ive tried everything under the sun. Ive spent a fortune on gimmics, vitamins, you name it. Nothing has changed.

I dont know if I have a resistant strain, was misdiagnosed, or have an underlying condition that isnt obvious, but I do know with 100% certainty the ob refuses to go.

I think I will look into therapy but also need to visit a doctor and see if I can at least pinpoint what the hell is going on.

thanks again for all the advice guys.

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