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just found out...hard time dealing

zigzag

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zigzag Newbie

zigzag

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Had an odd bump the day before new years. figured it was an ingrown hair but started to freak myself out, checking out pics on the internet etc. was convinced it was this. went to the doc's on jan 3rd and she said that i seemed to be presenting with hsv. prescribed a course of valtrex and she took bloodwork and a culture. Culture came back negative but blookwork came back hsv1 though very very low level of antibodies present. she thinks that i' was having a primary outbreak and wants me back in 4-6 weeks to see what new bloodwork will turn up.

In the interim, I notified my long-time casual sex friend. He was pretty good about the news and went for tests as well though he has never had symptoms. His bloodwork came back positive for hsv1 and hsv2 both. Oddly though, his doc says that since he's never presented with symptoms he probably never will and he probably can't pass it on. I'm shocked a medical professional would tell him this because everything I've read points to the contrary. Plus we are pretty certain he gave it to me.

My doctor suspects that my next round of blood work will show both hsv1 and hsv2. I finished the first cycle of valtrex prescribed for the OB on friday and as of saturday am now taking it for suppressive therapy. Here is the thing:

I'm still hyper-sensitive physically. Been washing my hands and taking numerous baths. Still feel itchy and tingly but I can't tell whether its my head messing with me or a second outbreak. Every morning i do a self-inspection and i'm not certain what normal even looks like anymore.

I used to be so comfortable with my body. now i feel like my vagina and not my brain is controlling everyhting and not in the good way. I started to see a shrink right away -- twice a week -- but am not feeling much better. Has anyone had similar experiences wherein they feel constantly afraid...like they are passing it back and forth on their own body? :? scared and confused.

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Unbelievable Established Member

Unbelievable

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It is normal at first to feel the way you do... I know I did... shit I even went back to wearing granny undies for fear of the unknown... wouldn't let my niece or nephew use my bathroom... but the longer you have it the more you realize that you will be ok... and that every sinsation isn't an outbreak coming...

like your partner.. I have never had an outbreak that I know of... and I would hope that he would not consider the advice he was given to be good... I can pass herpes... just because I haven't seen it... doesn't mean it isn't there... I would wonder if he said that his doc said that so he could throw the blame back to you... just a thought...

good luck...

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zigzag Newbie

zigzag

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thanks for responding

I wondered that too. And I confronted him with that. I pointed out that if he gave it to me then obviously he could give it to someone else as well. I really believe he had no idea he had it. I just don't understand how he can't be as bothered by it as I am.

But the bigger issue is that I really dislike feeling so uncomfortable with my body. I'm convinced I'm having a second outbreak but with all the baths etc...I do i know. Things don't "look right" but like I said I don't knw what looks right and I don't want more bad news. I'm embarrassed to go back to my doctor. While she is really understanding I'm afraid they will think I'm crazy or worse still, she'll prove me right. Its enough I have to wait another 4-6 weeks to do more bloodwork just to find out if I'm the lucky recipient of hsv2 as well. In my heart, I know I am. So going back yet again this week, to investigate new lesions seems too much to take on.

I'm taking the valtrex for suppressive therapy since two days ago. Would that be enough to stop anything new from coming up? :?

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Unbelievable Established Member

Unbelievable

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I know it is hard... but try not to focus on it... the more you stress the more likely you are to have and outbreak anyway...

trust you will stop thinking of your body as bad... it just takes time.. for me talking about it with people helped.. I tend to joke about it now too...

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  • 2 months later...
chaleguey Honeycomb Member

chaleguey

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I think your mind plays tricks with you. I have also just been diagnosed with hsv 2 and could not believe it. I had my first outbreak and it was not bad though I have had itching and burning sensations at times. I sometimes totally forget about by exercising or doing something that distracts me. TRY TO RELAX and think how other people have survived these and live norma lives. Your first months are the hardest or so I have read.

Chale

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ouch Platinum Support Member

ouch

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oh the mind games we play with ourselves (due to this "thing") I am the queen mother of screwing with my own brain because of having herpes! I was totally cool with it until I had my baby son, THEN I really started to freak out.

I too, started to feel detached from my "nether" regions. I would constantly check down there for signs of...ANYTHING, but at the same time, I didn't feel like a sexual and/or sensual person any longer. I have always been a clean freak; now I am a million times worse! BUT....I just try to do things that make me feel better, keep myself calm. I have good days and bad days. I am sure next outbreak I have, I will be on here freaking out and asking for help/advice. But right now things are going well (knock on wood) and I try to offer help wherever I can. (it helps me to help others, if that makes any sense)

Good luck to you and don't become a stranger to your "nether regions!' hahaha :wink:

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starsanddreams Newbie

starsanddreams

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you aren't alone. I felt and still feel the exact same way sometimes. I dont feel normal. I've had this almost a year but not quite, and still have a hard time dealing. A year ago though I never expected to deal with this the way that I do now. As hard as it is to believe it you'll still feel that way from time to time as it progresses but for the most part you'll accept it and realize that you have it and can only try to live with it (i know thats hard to hear but all of us have it and it's not going anywhere). however, you are not alone. you have all of us to talk to! And you can PM me if you want. i'd be more than happy to talk about anything you want with you. I know how you feel.

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