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coping with herpes together


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Hello to all,

My boyfriend has recently told me that he had herpes. I don't. He told me he got it about 10 years ago from his clarinet teacher.

My question is- can you conclude from the way of transmission if he has HSV 1 or 2? Can both be transmitted through sex? If he doesn't have and never had the symptoms on his genitals can it still be transmitted through sex? We have lately discussed the issue and he shared with me his fears about infecting me and told me that it made him feel very nervous and stressed. I profoundly want us to deal and cope with herpes together. I would very much appreciate any input on the subject.

Thank you.

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To answer your questions, you cannot tell by way of transmission which type of herpes it is. type 1 tends to affect areas above the belt while type 2 tends to affect you below, however both can affect the entire body. A blood test can tell which type. Herpes is trasmitted by unprotected vaginal, anal, or oral sex. It is easiest to get when there are open blisters or sores so you should avoid intercourse during this "breakout" time. Using a condom GREATLY reduces the chance of transmission and he can take suppressive meds which also reduce possiblity of transmission. Please keep in mind, even if he has never shown symptoms and isn't at the time of sex YOU CAN STILL GET HERPES. This is what happened to me. My partner did show ANY symptoms. In fact 90% of those with herpes don't show the symptoms, so protect yourself!

The fact that he does have herpes though doesnt mean that your sex life cannot exist. It absolutely can. Just be open, honest, and informed about it.

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Yes, it can be transmited by kissing especially if lesions are present. This is why if you have oral sex and say for example he had a cold sore on his mouth, he could transmit the virus to your genital area.

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It is important to find out what strain of herpes your BF has. He should be tested for HSV-1 and HSV-2 using a Herpes Select IgG Type Specific bloodtest. There are many ways to protect you from herpes, but keep in mind that 60% of us already have HSV-1, the type that is usually associated with fever blisters/cold sores but which can also be contracted genitally. To learn more about herpes, please download or read online the Herpes Handbook at:


There is great information there about herpes and how to protect a partner.

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