Big question. Need answers.

[Lostone]

Hi everyone, I have been talking to a girl for a long time and I feel like this women is probably the only person that I would ever want to get married to but she has herpes.

I don't know how bad it really is but I have been looking at the pictures on google and it looks pretty bad. Some of them pictures scare the hell out of me but I really want this women to be a part of my life.

My question is how bad are the symptoms for most people?

Do most people get real bad and frequent outbreaks or do most people live most of there life without an outbreak? I don't know anyone else that has herpes but this girl tells me that she has only had one small outbreak in 4 years so that don't sound so bad to me.

I don't know what to do about this.

Please help.

[coolmel12]

Herpes can be a life changing problem...but it really has gotten a bad name. If she has only had one outbreak in four years than her body has most likely built up a high immunity. There are medications out there that supress outbreaks as well. Just because she has herpes does not mean you will necessarily get it but you must take precautions. Overall herpes is sometimes seen as a bigger deal than itreally is.

[Lostone]

Do you think that herpes is a good enough reason to not get married to someone?

It looks like it would be so painful that I would not even be able to work if I was having an outbreak.

I really don't want to leave this person but I am afraid to take this relationship any further either because of this issue.

I just don't know what to do.

[Unbelievable]

Most people with herpes have normal sex lives... it should not be a reason to not be with someone... my boyfriend doesn't have it... and has been fine with us... just research the risks and know what to do to protect yourself.... if you love the girl be with her... talk to her about he outbreaks.. they may not be that bad.. I don't have any at all... she may be as lucky...

[Pollyanna]

Two things to say:

1) Well done you for taking the time to ask for information rather than having a knee-jerk reaction and running off into the night!

2) This girl will know from the tingling sensation when she's about to have a flare up and she'll know how to deal with it. She's also told you about it so you can both be honest with each other. Yes, there will be times when you'd be better off not having sex but most of the rest of the time it won't be an issue.

Believe me, there are FAR more people out there who have it and don't know than those who have it and DO know. You're a lot better off with someone who knows about it.

I remember telling the guy I met not long after I was diagnosed and I was terrified. I explained very clearly that it was more of an issue through reputation than by reality,and told him everything else I knew. He emailed me at work the next day to say that he'd had a look on the internet and it didn't really seem like an issue at all. We enjoyed a very healthy sex life for many months and he never picked up a thing...

Go for it - and good luck!!!

[chaleguey]

First of all I want to commend you for taking time to educate yourself about what herpes is. I think most people think of it as a bad dirty thing. The reality of it is that it is not because your dirty (in most cases) but because you had sex with someone who was infected. Most of the times the people that infected did not know the other partner was infected. I have never met someone who was looking forward to acquiing an std.

If you really like this lady you should give it a go.

I am a guy who was just diagnosed 2 months ago and I think I have my life back in track. Her telling you before the relationship started show a lot from her part. It's not easy telling someone about it and she told you because she obviously cares about you.

Chale