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Hi. I am new to this forum, and was wondering if I could get some help. I do not have herpes. My girlfriend, however, has just told me that she has herpes. We have not had any kind of sexual contact thus far, as she is living across country at the moment. I was wondering if anyone has advice or information regarding making a relationship work when herpes is involved. I love her very much, but I have had no real experience with herpes, and am not sure what to expect. At the risk of sounding ignorant, is it possible for us to have a normal life?

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give her a chance. coming from experience, the last thing the girl wants to hear or think is that nobody will ever want her. you can be safe so u dont contract herpes. if u are going to be sexually active, use a condom, and dont have sex when she is having an outbreak. also, to prevent outbreaks, she can go on a suppresant to lesson the chance of passing it onto you. good-luck, i hope u figure everything out!


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  • 3 weeks later...

Several relationships

have been healthy and successful when one has herpes and the other does not.

There are several real relationship stories posted on www.SpecialUser1234.com where people share their own experiences.

I married a man who didn't have it. Though he wound up contracting it eventually, it's the risk we were willing to take.

There are ways to reduce the risk of your contracting it - so if you love her - it's something you'll have to weigh out.

In the overall scheme of things, is a skin condition that's a bit of an annoyance occassionally enough to interfere with a good relationship - considering how difficult relationships are these days?

Just something to think about


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While I agree that nobody deserves to be ostracized just because they have herpes, and most everyone deserves to be in a loving relationship, I wouldn't treat this disease so lightly as just a "skin disease". It is more than that. It is a highly contagious viral disease that can be passed on not only to your mate, but to your children as well (via the birth canal) if not careful and/or self aware! For us, should somehow we transfer the virus to some other part of our body..say...our nasal passages...and it creeps we can develope encephalitis from it. Sure, this is extremely RARE and the worst case scenario, none the less, people should be aware of the reality of this disease.

I HAVE a real skin condition. Eczema. I have had it since childhood. While at times when it flares up, it might look funny, at least people can not CATCH it from me. It is itchy and painful, and funnylooking, but my man, my children, past lovers can not CATCH IT from me. Therein lies the difference in the Herpes virus, hence the social stigma attached to it. And I am sure if you polled everyone on this message board, not ONE of us is thankful to have it....we are all just trying to learn from it and better ourselves because of it, and hopefully, EDUCATE people about it. (so that there is NOT such a social stigma.)

December of 2004 I had the WORST outbreak of my life....I wanted to die it was so painful and so severe. I was pregnant to boot, so add to the pain the incredible fear and guilt I felt. It was a major dose of reality smacked into my face....so...I would never diminish this disease to merely being a skin condition. It is not. It is an infectious disease.

It is great to have a positive outlook and to stay strong, but we all must be realistic too. I am not saying this person who initially posted should dump the person they are dating either.....there ARE ways to work around this crud. My man doesn't have it. I know people where one partner has it, the other doesn't and they have been together for years! So I am not telling this person to "run" at all...quite the contrary. I just want him to have a more realistic view of what this is.

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