coming out of the closet

[living in the dark]

I just need to talk to someone; I have been dealing with this for 20 years, mostly without medical help for lack of insurance. It has gotten less frequent, but I am especially susceptible to sun exposure. I was sun burned and now the right side of my face is covered in lesions, it is hideous, I am a college student and missing class, because I am too humiliated to be the freak show, I can't talk about it to anyone, I have covered it up for work ( it looks bad, but no one said anything, I have just been keeping my head hung down, not easy to do working with the public, but these people are trying to eat and I don't want my face to spoil their appetite ) because I cant miss that, it is horrible. I used choraphor for the first time and now it is dark, and scabby, I tried covering it with make up, but ended up taking it off, I think I made it worse, I just want to go into a cave and hide, can anyone offer me some encouragement? I do not leave my house, even to go to the store, I make excuses to people why I can't come out, and my mind is always trying to find a plausible excuse to offer others, except the true one that, well I got herpes from an old scum bag cheating boyfriend and now, I have to watch my every move to avoid an outbreak, forget going on vacation, I am fair skinned and if I get sun, I get huge sores. It has really interfered with happiness in my life, forget a relationship, I just want to be able to go in public and not have this ?'%% on my face. I want to scream!! My face is scarred which I can at least cover with makeup, but not during these horrible outbreaks. I miss being able to go outside without the consequences. I can't afford supressive therapy right now but it has worked in the past. I have never had a strong self esteem, and have kept this a secret, it is eating me alive, this is the first time I have reached out. my kids are raised and I am trying to find myself and get a life, when I look at my face in the mirror, it makes me just want to hide forever.

[fastforward]

Have you used Acylovir suppressively? It will be just as effective as the more expensive suppressives. Not knowing your financial resources, if you truly can't afford medication, you can apply for free meds at:

http://bridgestoaccess.gsk.com/

No matter how you find the way to do it, living with your head down is no way to live, and you need to get meds. As you have already learned, when you put make up on top of your herpes outbreak, it just takes it longer to heal and also sets you up to get a secondary infection. Working with the public, I know it is extremely hard to balance. If you post a question over on WebMd at the Genital Herpes forum, one of the nurses may have a suggestion for you about how to cover up your lesions for when you are working.

I feel for you, and it makes me realize how much easier it really is to live with genital herpes.

[ouch]

I feel for ya too...

I am sorry that you get such bad outbreaks on your face. That is so hard to deal with. I have had "coldsores" since I was a kid, and as I got older, they do not bother me as much (outbreaks are not frequent, and not as bad when I DO have one) but I have also learned how to deal with it over time. Occasionally I will still get a back cold sore...about once a year. Just keep it really really clean, and this may sound painful to some, but works for me, try hydrogen peroxide to clean it. It will dry it up alot quicker and keep it from being all weepy AND from getting infected. I wouldn't put make up on it to cover it, as it will just make things worse.

Also, while I am not a big fan of suppressive therapy, in a case like this, take it only whenyou are beginning to break out (or maybe after a bad sunburn, start taking it) and it might help lessen the time of the outbreak and the pain.

Last, try a daily vitamin dose of lysine. I shall post more about THIS in a bit....

Good luck to you and keep you chin up!

[Aprilinheaven]

Sun sensitivity

I used to break out in HSV1 lip sores whenever I was in the sun and got overheated. Then I developed a melanoma--serious, deadly skin cancer. Now I stay out of the sun completely. I wear hats with wide brims when I go out. There are other reasons to stay out of the sun!

As for the general public you have to face at work and out in the stores, etc.--forget about them. They don't know you--they don't really know who you are. Why should you care about them? They have their own secret problems. Besides, they go on about their business and forget all about you within 5 minutes! Life is like that.

You sound like a beautiful, sensitive person. Hold your head up, sweetie! You are part of the universe and have every right to be out there with everyone else.

[valtress]

my ex used Abreva, and it helped him within just a few days. it's expensive, about $20 a tube, ut probably cheaper than prescription stuff.

and god it pisses me off that affordable healthcare isn't available to everyone!!

[DQ4U]

my ex used Abreva, and it helped him within just a few days. it's expensive, about $20 a tube, ut probably cheaper than prescription stuff.

and god it pisses me off that affordable healthcare isn't available to everyone!!

the USA is supposed to be the richest nation? 1 of thse military planes could give everyone health insurance!

In Europe I heard EVERYONES has coverage, not sure how good.

[heidi]

Wow, your struggles sound so painful, both physically and emotionally. You seem like a very strong person to keep going as you are doing!

Congratulations on reaching out for the first time. I know that for me, the shame of HSV was almost the worst part about it. I have a genital infection, so thankfully my ob's are private and are mine alone, but still they impact my life and make me uable/unwilling to do things sometimes. It was hard not to be able to talk about it with my friends when the ob's come.

I found that when I finally did open up to a few people to talk about my infection and experiences, it was like a weight lifting from my chest. Since my infection is genital and people don't go around openly talking about their genitals anyway, I have only told my closest friends and would never discuss it casually, but I found that the shame I felt was really more exaggerated in my mind before I'd spoken out. Once I actually "came out of the closet," the situation seemed much less shameful, and my friends were all great and supportive and understanding. Have you considered working slowly towards talking to someone you trust and are close to, to relieve the burden and isolation of secrecy somewhat?

[hiding]

living in the dark, I know how you feel. I have the same problem when I get an outbreak. I begin to hide in my house and never come out and use the excuse that I have a really bad flu or stomach virus. It's hard to live with something like this when in todays society, everyone wants to look like a celebrity. People have worse medical conditions in life and you should just enjoy life anyway, find someone who likes you for who you are.