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I really screwed up


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I recently met a man for a date. I felt a real connection with him, something that hasn't happened in a very long time. We ended up having a lot to drink and he wanted to have sex with me, so I told him I have herpes. He said it was ok, and we slept together. The next day he was very distant, and he confessed later that he was really worried that he had contracted it. I talked with him extensively about the risks, and since we had been very careful, there was only a slim chance he had caught it. He says he wants to see me again, but has told me that he doesn't think he can have sex with me again. I feel so rejected, yet I know that if I had only waited, he would have felt differently. Neither him nor I are looking for anything serious, but I felt so great around him that I thought there might have been a possibility for something more. Now I think I have totally screwed up that possibility by sleeping with him too early. *sigh*

Does it ever get any easier?

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Hang in there. Things will get better with time... The good news is that you see your mistake and readily acknowledge it. You're right, just slow down. Remember, herpes isn't the worse of the worse - by a long shot. You also need to think about the physical compromises in which you have placed yourself- you don't know what he has either :!:

I've had H for almost three years now. I realize that it's somewhat of a blessing in disguise because I use to rush into relationships/ sex. I recently met this guy who was really fun. He was the biker/surfer type. But I also noticed that he's 32 and he's never been able to commit to a steady geographic region, let alone a career :shock: He does five years here, two there...

I hung out with him for about two weeks. We cooked for one another, watched movies, etc... I told him that I practice celibacy (which is true - in relation to my faith and peace of mind). But dude was laying the pressure on just the same. Over the two weeks I realized that he hasn't commited to very much in his own life - so he's not someone that I want to date seriously. I made the decision just the same to share my H status with him for his own educational purposes.

He was surprised although he encountered the same situation just a few months ago with another girl that had H. I thought that was soooo hilarious :lol: Anyway after I managed to surpress my uncontrollable laughter, we went over the facts - which he cleary hadn't done with the first girl :?

A few days later, we went out again, and he basically told me that he genuinely enjoyed my company BUT... and also admitted - after some pondering on my point- that his longest relationship was 10 months :!: To which, I know you're also thinking - what? But dude is 32 :? Yes exactly my point, he's 32 and he can't commit to anything.

Now honestly, prior to my H status, I would've totally slept with this guy. He was cute, fun, I enjoyed his company and his cooking... but I would've overlooked the OBVIOUS fact that he is shallow :idea:

I'm definitely not a herpes advocate (trust me I would like to enjoy chocolate in peace :x ) but I realize that had I slept with the guy, my feelings would have been hurt both with or without herpes.

Take care of your physical person as well as your emotional self. Slow down - you're worth it, and so is your future partner.

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Your story kind of reminded me of my own. I had oral sex and contracted hsv-1 genitally. This gave me and my boyfriend, who I have been dating for almost a year, the chance to slow things down. We had been heading in the direction of sex (which I do not believe in before marriage, but was kind of straying towards the opposite opinion) and I was not ready for sex. Herpes has also been a blessing in disguise for me too!

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Thanks for your thoughts. I have spoken to the guy and he has decided that he doesn't want to have sex with me again but wants to remain friends. I'm disappointed but understand and respect his wishes. I'm trying to see this as a learning experience. You are right - I need to learn to slow down, I just learned it the hard way.

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      Hey @JS.245 and welcome to the website. The pictures aren’t that suggestive of herpes. Hard to tell from the pics what’s going on, but that could be a number of things. Are the larger bump bubble things persistent? What you have in the pics is hence independent of your herpes status.  The test results are inclusive - most people test over 5 if they are infected.  Do you have a history of oral cold sores?
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