what a mess

[chaos]

I have been dating the same person for over a year and we realized that he now has herpes. he knew I had it going in to the relationship. I gave it to him even though we have used a condom every time and never had sex during an outbreak. our relationship was strained befor and we have been having major problems for the last couple of months. I have been contemplating getting out and when I tried he said I couldnt leave him like this. He isnt allways good to me, we fight alot and he is disrespectful to me often. I feel so much guilt. Am I supposed to put up with everything he dishes out because of this? Dealing with dating and having hsv had been tortourus for me and I never wanted to hurt someone I loved. I never wanted him to have to deal with catching this and having to date again. but I dont think he is really right for me. I love him so much he is wonderful in so many ways, but he often makes me feel terrible about myself. He constantly brings up the past, things I have apologized for that I can not change, sometimes we fight and I end up crying for hours, I get so depressed I think about suicide. I am often miserable. I thought the hard part was over. When we first starting dating I was so happy someone accepted and love me despite this. I have put up with so much with him because I dont feel like I deserve more and I cant deal with being alone again and doing this whole process over again. The hard part wasnt over, it had just began. He is not really dealing with catching it, he wont talk about it. I have been telling him for months if things dont get better I cant stay in this relationship much longer, yet it continued to get worse, he will do nothing to stop the negativity and I feel he is not being honest about what is really going on. There is no trust in our relationship and we can not communicate, he is very jelous, posessive, suspicious, and immature. Now I feel responsible for what happened and he immediately pulled the "you cant leave me now because you gave me herpes" card. I dont know what to do. I guess I am feeling confused, sad, guilty, and exaughsted with the whole thing. Perhaps someone has some insight they could lend. At this point I wish I would have just gave up on dating along time ago and just accepted my role as the eternally single lonely girl with a bunch of cats.

[ouch]

Be strong...

Chaos....

NOBODY and I mean NOBODY deserves to be treated in a disrespectful manner. So you have herpes? So what? That doesn't mean you deserve to be treated cruelly or with disrespect. You were honest with him from the get go that you had this disease, he should have been aware of the risks, so he is just as 'guilty' as you for contracting it. He rolled the dice and he crapped out.

If you want out, and things haven't changed GET OUT. I think you stay in the relationship because you are afraid of being alone (the single lonely cat woman). The fact that he is throwing around the "you can't leave me NOW since YOU gave this to me" crap just proves what a child this person is. I don't know this cat from Adam, only what you posted here, but I wouldn't stay in this sort of relationship. It is not helping you one damn bit.

I am with a man who does NOT have herpes and he says "well, if I get it, then I get it, we will just deal with it." He has NEVER made me feel bad or put me down because I have it. But then again, he is a man, and treats me as well as all women with respect. They are out there; if it were me, I would say dump this guy (why be with someone who makes you feel suicidal? I say screw that....you are better than this!) take some time out from the dating world to heal yourself (if you ARE suicidal, I strongly suggest counseling) THEN down the road, get back into the dating game. You will be better and stronger and more self assured...and it is THEN you will find the right person.

I wish you luck and peace of mind!

[amy3]

Your only responsibility is to yourself. Your partner knew that this was a possibility. If you are miserable enough to contemplate suicide I would recommend getting out of that relationship quickly.

Your partner is there to support you and help you become a better person, not make you feel bad and tear you down.

Good luck to you.

[Unbelievable]

men crack me up... you can't leave because he has it? well then you should be with the person that gave it to you.. come on.. if you want to leave then go... and he will just have to move on like everyone else who has it... don't put up with shit out of some strange sense of guilt... he knew what he was risking by having sex with someone with H... he choose to take that risk...