I need Help

[EDD]

I do not have the virus but I am Interested in someone who does. Ive known her for awhile now (about 1 Year). When we First met I talked to alot of her friends and Family and they have told me why she got them. (Raped when she was 15).

Me and her have been talking like I said for awhile now and are Currently Dating but Im having second thoughts because of her Problem but I dont want to just give up. We have not yet had Sex because of ME.

I dont not know anything about the Virus another then what me and her have talked about. Can someone Please Help me by giving me some Answers on how to be Safe and not Contract the Disease myself. I really ike her and we get along awesome and I Definetly dont want to lose her...

She has a 2yo. Son that I care for alot and would like to someday be a Huge part of his life.

Another thing is my Friends dont Accept her and I Currently dont have any Friends because I chose to be with her and she is in the same boat. No one wants to be her Friend because of her Problem People are Asses

[ouch]

I am sorry no one has posted to this....I will try to help.

First of all, I commend you for being with this gal despite her troubled past (I hope she has received counseling and help) and the fact that she does have herpes (which is scary, but more of an annoyance than anything...unfortunately, there is alot of stigma attached with herpes.) It is ok to be scared/worried and I commend you for trying to find answers rather than dumping her (and maybe losing out on a wonderful relationship).

Your friends are jackasses, and you know what? You are probably better off without them. I can see if they didn't like her because she was a bad person or mean to you, but it doesn't sound like that at all. If she treats you well and is a loving person, then that is all that matters. You mention she has a little boy and you want to be a part of his life oneday, so it sounds to me like your mind is already set, regardless of what society makes of her...and the fact she has herpes. People do suck. they are SO ignorant!

First of all...there are so many people who get cold sores. I am sure you have seen friends with them on their lips or around their mouth, right? What do these jack offs think THAT is? "oh it is just a cold sore/fever blister". No folks, that is just the nice way of saying I HAVE HERPES! Yes, coldsores are herpes ... usually herpes simplex 1. For some odd reason, when people contract herpes on their genitals, it suddenly turns that person into a leper and a pariah. It is all the same virus, just that it IS more annoying and slightly harder to take care of when on your genitals. But basically, the SAME DISEASE.

Her friends and your friends need to be educated. Like I said, I bet most of THEM get coldsores. And THEY probably spread it around more than she ever will. People kiss all the time. dumbasses. Like I said, you are better off without them!

As for intimacy, just take your time. Get to know each other better. You can still hug and kiss and cuddle. Sometimes that is MORE important and even MORE intimate than sex. Ask her if she is taking Valtrex or any other suppressive medicine. It will keep her outbreaks down to a bare minnimum (if any) and apparently can help the partner from contracting herpes as well. Most importanly DO practice safe sex, while condoms are not foolproof against this disease, they DO help a bit. I wouldn't risk it, it is a small price to pay for some peace of mind. But have her just watch for signs of an outbreak and always play safe. all this can help minimize your chances of contracting it. I have herpes, and my man of three years doesn't. We are always safe, with the exception of when we decided to have a baby, then, well, we just used extreme caution.

I would say maybe go to your local planned parenthood, with her, and talk to one of the many wonderful counselors there who can give you a plethora of information and would be more than happy to talk to you as well as keep things discreet.

I wish you luck, and hope things work out for the both of you. Herpes is only a small part of who she is....it is an annoyance to be sure, and it makes us sad when it rears its ugly head, but empower yourself with information on how to deal with it and fight it and don't let it ruin a potentially fabulous relationship with someone. She was a victim not just once, but twice. (first the rape, then herpes from that violent crime). Be kind, be gentle, but also be honest and calmly let her know your fears. I think if you are open and honest with her and talk freely about it, it will help allay your own fears and misunderstandings.

Good luck lad, and thank you for being strong against yuor friends for her!

[peppermintpatty]

EDD,

Ditto to ouch.

I also contracted genital herpes from a rapist. I totally sympathize and empathize with your gal. I was completely distraught.

I have a story: I made the mistake of confiding in a friend's mother who was supposedly a "good Christian woman" about the rape and herpes. She said she would pray for me but instead she decided to gossip to other mothers in my small town. Eventually my peers found out as well. Of course,the fact that I was horribly raped was lost in the translation. I was further victimized by their cruelty. The only news people remembered is that I had herpes. I got prank phone calls, people called my employer and told him I had herpes and that they would never eat in his restaurant as long as I worked there. (which just proves how ignorant they are..herpes is only transmitted through direct, intimate contact). I suffered trauma and undeserved humiliation.

I've had herpes now for over 20 years. I was married for 14 years. My husband never contracted herpes from me, and I had two healthy children by C-section. Our divorce had nothing to do with my herpes.

Your so-called friends are disgraceful ignoramuses. The way in which your girlfriend contracted the disease is tragic and traumatic and unjust. With the casual attitude toward sex and promiscuous behavior of young people they may even get herpes or worse someday.

In closing... I've heard through the grapevine.. unconfimed reports that a few hometown girls who tormented me, including the daughter of the hypocrite mother who gossiped, have fallen victim themselves to herpes, sexual and drug abuse, and maybe one has HIV now. poetic justice?... bad karma?.... you decide