Ashamed and scared

[Changeme_40]

I found out in March 2006 that I had herpes. When I received my results and saw the dreaded word "POSITIVE", I wanted to die. I had my 11 year old daughter with me in the office. I took a lot for me to try and act like nothing was wrong and not faint.

I have been married for 15 years and my spouse and I separated after outr 10th year. I maintained a sexual relationship with him becausse I felt it was not a sin to sleep with your spouse whether you were together or not because according to God we were still bound to one another.

In March 2006, I met a man that wanted me to have sex with him and agreed reluctantly. Shortly after one week, I started experiencing symptoms. I went on the internet and self-diagnosed my condition. When I went to the doctor for confirmation, they told me that this was not a new infection, but an old one. My gentleman friend called me and left me urgent messages in which I never returned. I did not know what to say because I knew what he wanted. I did not willingly infected him because I was not understanding any symptoms until after I read all about them.

I never told my spouse about my infection and will not sleep with him. I am not totally sure that I got the infection from him or my gentleman friend. I have not told anyone about my condition, but have joined a local support group. Somedays I feel suicidal, but when I think of my kids, I change my mind. I am so ashamed and terrified of infecting my children until I can not have a healthy relationship with them.

I don't know what to do or where to turn. I would just like to talk with someone who understands what I am going through.

[bklyngirl25]

i'm so sorry to hear about ur situation. I feel the same way. I found out two weks ago. I still feel ashamed and depressed. but that attitude isn't going to help the situation. You're lucky to have your children and a support group. I have niether. If you want to find out who you got it from you should ask your husband to be tested and contact your gentelman friend. But if you don't want to know just leave that part of it in the past and think about how to deal with the present and the future. I don't know where i got this from but two doctors have told me not to waste my time trying to find out. Everything happens for a reason. i'll assume that you are a believer in God from your last message, so i will say this, Pray for strength to get through this, pray for emotional healing , He will see to it that you receive these things. You can't pass HSV-2 to your children because it is transmitted sexually so don't wo4rry about that. If you have oral herpes, jsut don't kiss your kids if you have a cold sore on your mouth. They will be fine. and so will you. Take Care

[Changeme_40]

Thanks for your kind words. I am trying to move on and will. I get depressed at times and think I'm going to lose my mind, but somehow I do pull through to live another day.

God Bless You as you move through this ordeal.

Once again, thanks for the encouraging words.

[Guest dangermouse]

Remember what the late Christopher Reeve said: you're still you. And there are plenty of HSV- men who will love you - I know, I loved a woman with herpes for 18 wonderful months.

[Changeme_40]

Thanks so much for telling me that. I have been so depressed lately and can't seem to shake the feeling. I won't even try to communicate with other men because I don't want to have to share my horrible news and risk being rejected. I'll move on past this one day, but right now, it has been the hardest thing for me to do.