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Ashamed and scared


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I found out in March 2006 that I had herpes. When I received my results and saw the dreaded word "POSITIVE", I wanted to die. I had my 11 year old daughter with me in the office. I took a lot for me to try and act like nothing was wrong and not faint.

I have been married for 15 years and my spouse and I separated after outr 10th year. I maintained a sexual relationship with him becausse I felt it was not a sin to sleep with your spouse whether you were together or not because according to God we were still bound to one another.

In March 2006, I met a man that wanted me to have sex with him and agreed reluctantly. Shortly after one week, I started experiencing symptoms. I went on the internet and self-diagnosed my condition. When I went to the doctor for confirmation, they told me that this was not a new infection, but an old one. My gentleman friend called me and left me urgent messages in which I never returned. I did not know what to say because I knew what he wanted. I did not willingly infected him because I was not understanding any symptoms until after I read all about them.

I never told my spouse about my infection and will not sleep with him. I am not totally sure that I got the infection from him or my gentleman friend. I have not told anyone about my condition, but have joined a local support group. Somedays I feel suicidal, but when I think of my kids, I change my mind. I am so ashamed and terrified of infecting my children until I can not have a healthy relationship with them.

I don't know what to do or where to turn. I would just like to talk with someone who understands what I am going through.

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i'm so sorry to hear about ur situation. I feel the same way. I found out two weks ago. I still feel ashamed and depressed. but that attitude isn't going to help the situation. You're lucky to have your children and a support group. I have niether. If you want to find out who you got it from you should ask your husband to be tested and contact your gentelman friend. But if you don't want to know just leave that part of it in the past and think about how to deal with the present and the future. I don't know where i got this from but two doctors have told me not to waste my time trying to find out. Everything happens for a reason. i'll assume that you are a believer in God from your last message, so i will say this, Pray for strength to get through this, pray for emotional healing , He will see to it that you receive these things. You can't pass HSV-2 to your children because it is transmitted sexually so don't wo4rry about that. If you have oral herpes, jsut don't kiss your kids if you have a cold sore on your mouth. They will be fine. and so will you. Take Care

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  • 4 weeks later...

Thanks for your kind words. I am trying to move on and will. I get depressed at times and think I'm going to lose my mind, but somehow I do pull through to live another day.

God Bless You as you move through this ordeal.

Once again, thanks for the encouraging words.

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Guest dangermouse

Remember what the late Christopher Reeve said: you're still you. And there are plenty of HSV- men who will love you - I know, I loved a woman with herpes for 18 wonderful months.

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Thanks so much for telling me that. I have been so depressed lately and can't seem to shake the feeling. I won't even try to communicate with other men because I don't want to have to share my horrible news and risk being rejected. I'll move on past this one day, but right now, it has been the hardest thing for me to do.

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    • CHT
      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
    • FeelingLost75
      Hi (I’m really scared and feel really disappointed in myself and worried about my future), I had oral sex with a condom almost 3 weeks ago and a massage parlor. I also received a hand job at the same time prior to putting a condom on, also may have rubbed my penis on her back a little. Did not touch her genitals I don’t recall any sores on her back. After the event she handed me a pice of TP and after I took off the condom I wiped my penis head to clear away the excess ejaculation…this is where I suspect I got infected, she had just gone pee and wiped and maybe touched a sore or something and then I got it on my penis from the tp? Idk. I’m just flailing.   After this I’ve had discomfort on the skin below the head of my penis and 4 bumps for 2 weeks now, the bumps don’t seem to have changed in size. I also had frequent urination for about a week and have had dull pain in my groin on and off. I also have some pins and needles on the sides of my abdomen/trunk that get worse when I go out in the heat or get dehydrated. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping, likely due to guilt and shame and worry about the future.   so I got one test done at 10 days from the event (idk know if this can tell me anything… the doctor assured me it was 100% correct and I don’t have herpes. I was not physically examined). I got a full panel std. neg for everything. HSV-1 results: IgG 0.3 / HSV-2 IgG 0.9 hsv-1 IgM = 2.2 hsv-2 IgM = 3.0 (Reference V. Negative: Less than 9.0 Borderline: 9.0 to 11.0 Positive: Greater than 11.0) I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday, hoping he can help. Will likely go to a std testing service tomorrow to see if I can get in an antiviral proactively. Plan to get tested again this week.    
    • TS4real
    • FeelingLost75
      How are you doing now?
    • TS4real
      May 13 ( day I will never forget).. a guy I was dating and I drank way to much and decided to have anal sex. We did use protection however, not enough lube, wasn’t done correctly and it was painful. So bad that I yelled out and fell off the bed. Anyway, oral was also performed on me anal and vaginal. Flash forward to 3-4 days after that. I was in the most intense pain I had ever felt. I went to a gyn she tool one look and said it looks like herpes. She swabbed me . 2 days after that, yes it’s HSV1 . I was still in pain, irritated anal area and vaginal area and It was unbearable.  today, I still have irritation and itchy and when I pass a bowel i’m in pain and the itch is crazy.     When I first was diagnoses the gyn gave me valtrex which I did not take bc I was in so much pain I could not move for 2 days.  Groin lymphs were swollen I had fever , tired etc.  I am wondering if I had taken the valtrex would it have kinda liked stopped the virus in it’s tracks enough to reproduce? Do people see a correlation between no more outbreaks and immediate initial valtrex  use ? I am 43, I never thought this wound happen as I am not a promiscuous person, I hardly date and I always use protection when I do have intercouse , have yearly std tests. I’m just so sad that i’m at this point right now . I’m trying not to get depressed but this is making my body feel miserable. I’m an avid runner and biker and mom of two teens. I feel like my life as I knew is over. I want to feel better already.
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