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Very Scared and Alone


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My doctor said that I have gential herpies June 2005. I went into shock and denile. I have three long term relationships in my life and to do not sleep around. I have not told anyone and I not sure if I how to recognize the symptoms . I keep looking in the mirror and I am irritated, frustrated and having an emotional break down. -I have avoided sex with my partner- which is hard emotionally to keep up and he doesn't understand. I know honesty is best, I'm still trying to cope. I do not have any support and of course I do not have the money to go to counseling. I My doctor prescibed my Valtrex the bottle of course said take twice a day for three days. So i did. Not sure what else Im suppost to do. What is this doing to me and what kind of progress will this do to my body.Will this get worse. I feel extremely depressed, life should be this way. What can I do? Who can I trust to talk to without being so embarrased and ashamedand?

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Hey Kim;

For starters i'm so sorry to hear about ur diagnosis. But honestly its not the end of the world hun. First, I understand that you have only had 3 partners in ur life..but u could only have one partner and catch herpes. Thatts just how things are sometimes. Second in regards to your symptoms, you should ask your doctor what you should look for, but in general it would be the same symptoms that you felt before the first outbreak (if you can remember). Its usually itching, tingling, burning sensation the genital area. Sometimes you have pains in your buttocks and legs. I have pains in my lower legs and arms also (but most people don't). Third, the first outbreak you have is usually the worse so you expect the same or milder the next time you have one (if you every have another one). Finally, as far as your partner goes, if you guys had a sexual relationship before then you can't expect not to have sex with him ever again. Bit before you do you must tell him. You said you got diagnosed last year? A year is a long time not to have sex your partner. Is it possible that he gave it to you?. has he been checked out for it? Over 70% of people with genital herpes have no symptoms. So he may have it and not know. If you want to read up on it google gential herpes and you will find a lot of useful information. It would be good if you talked with someone close to you, a friend, sibling, cousin, someone to be supportive. I know its embarrassing but htink of it this way 25% of the population has this disease and most have no symptoms so the prson that you talk to could have it also. Check to find out if there are any support groups in your town. Many places have herpes supprot groups. Good Luck and take Care

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  • 2 weeks later...

Support - only an email away...

Thanks to the internet, support is only an email away these days. It amazes me to talk to folks who were diagnosed long before the internet and how they were able to cope.

I'd like to urge you to check out the Herpes Handbook. It's free and there's lots of solid answers to your questions and perhaps enough to help put you at ease.

The more you stress and worry - the more likely you are to cause yourself more outbreaks.

Check out the handbook with sections covering all phases of having herpes: http://www.westoverheights.com/freebooktext.html

If you have any questions after, you're more then welcome to email me.

Take care and keep your chin up.


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    • CHT
      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
    • FeelingLost75
      Hi (I’m really scared and feel really disappointed in myself and worried about my future), I had oral sex with a condom almost 3 weeks ago and a massage parlor. I also received a hand job at the same time prior to putting a condom on, also may have rubbed my penis on her back a little. Did not touch her genitals I don’t recall any sores on her back. After the event she handed me a pice of TP and after I took off the condom I wiped my penis head to clear away the excess ejaculation…this is where I suspect I got infected, she had just gone pee and wiped and maybe touched a sore or something and then I got it on my penis from the tp? Idk. I’m just flailing.   After this I’ve had discomfort on the skin below the head of my penis and 4 bumps for 2 weeks now, the bumps don’t seem to have changed in size. I also had frequent urination for about a week and have had dull pain in my groin on and off. I also have some pins and needles on the sides of my abdomen/trunk that get worse when I go out in the heat or get dehydrated. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping, likely due to guilt and shame and worry about the future.   so I got one test done at 10 days from the event (idk know if this can tell me anything… the doctor assured me it was 100% correct and I don’t have herpes. I was not physically examined). I got a full panel std. neg for everything. HSV-1 results: IgG 0.3 / HSV-2 IgG 0.9 hsv-1 IgM = 2.2 hsv-2 IgM = 3.0 (Reference V. Negative: Less than 9.0 Borderline: 9.0 to 11.0 Positive: Greater than 11.0) I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday, hoping he can help. Will likely go to a std testing service tomorrow to see if I can get in an antiviral proactively. Plan to get tested again this week.    
    • TS4real
    • FeelingLost75
      How are you doing now?
    • TS4real
      May 13 ( day I will never forget).. a guy I was dating and I drank way to much and decided to have anal sex. We did use protection however, not enough lube, wasn’t done correctly and it was painful. So bad that I yelled out and fell off the bed. Anyway, oral was also performed on me anal and vaginal. Flash forward to 3-4 days after that. I was in the most intense pain I had ever felt. I went to a gyn she tool one look and said it looks like herpes. She swabbed me . 2 days after that, yes it’s HSV1 . I was still in pain, irritated anal area and vaginal area and It was unbearable.  today, I still have irritation and itchy and when I pass a bowel i’m in pain and the itch is crazy.     When I first was diagnoses the gyn gave me valtrex which I did not take bc I was in so much pain I could not move for 2 days.  Groin lymphs were swollen I had fever , tired etc.  I am wondering if I had taken the valtrex would it have kinda liked stopped the virus in it’s tracks enough to reproduce? Do people see a correlation between no more outbreaks and immediate initial valtrex  use ? I am 43, I never thought this wound happen as I am not a promiscuous person, I hardly date and I always use protection when I do have intercouse , have yearly std tests. I’m just so sad that i’m at this point right now . I’m trying not to get depressed but this is making my body feel miserable. I’m an avid runner and biker and mom of two teens. I feel like my life as I knew is over. I want to feel better already.
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