Ok, so here goes...

[qwerty]

I am a 30 year old male. I contracted herpes a little over a year ago after sleeping with a girl with no protection. I later found out she knew she was infected, but didn't tell me. I haven't confronted her and told her I am infected...I just stopped talking to her. I don't really feel I have the right to blame her when I made no effort to use protection or even ask if she was clean. Silly naive me to assume someone would tell me if they had herpes before having sex with me. Anyway, so now I have this disease with no cure. I have only told one person. I haven't told any of my friends because I don't plan on having sex with them, so I don't feel that they need to know. I went to the doctor several months ago, but I wasn't having an outbreak and my doc basically told me not to worry and that he was sure it was nothing. Well about 6 outbreaks later, I think he was wrong. I am nervous and anxious about going back - even calling to make an appointment. I also kind of feel like it is a good to have to go through these annoying outbreaks as a sort of punishment for myself. I want to start dating again, but I don't want to have the same "I have herpes" talk a couple dozen times while I search for a committed relationship. I don't plan on having casual sex, or any sex for that matter, until I am in a relationship. I feel very alone and ashamed but manage to fake a smile most days around my friends and family. I realize I am going to have to talk to someone about it eventually, so I thought this would be a good place to start. No one really needs to respond unless they just want to - it just feels good to get this off my chest as I sit here with tears rolling down my face.

Q

[ouch]

I am glad you are here and now can see that there is a place to talk, vent, unleash your fears, whatever.

While you 'fXXKed up' by having unprotected sex, do not sit and lacerate yourself about it. SHE fucked up bigtime by not telling you. I am SURE she has not told several people. That is pretty shitty. You are a human being, you wanted human contact...you made a mistake, and it will be one to learn from. Obviously, never put another person in the predicament you are in without giving them ample information. You know first hand how unfair it was to you (her not telling you) and from the sounds of things, you are too nice of a fella to do that to another person.

Sometimes it is GOOD to abstain from sex for a while....just to get your thoughts and emotions in a more clearer perspective. (I did...trust me, it helps!) You can still go out on dates and be social. Nobody needs to know your status until you feel the relationship is moving beyond dating and into something a little more intimate.

You are not a social pariah, hell, 1 in 4 people nationwide have this crud. Most of them do not even know they have it. (they show no symptoms, OR they are just in denial....) Take some time to take care of yourself, love yourself, and stay healthy (the best weapon against outbreaks!) After time, I am sure you will meet someone who is awesome and who doesn't let the herpes bother her. Usually you meet these folks when you least expect it! you will probably have to weed through some folks who are not going to react positively to your admission to having herpes, but that is ok. I think you would be surprised how many people are accepting of you despite this virus.

I hope you feel better and I wish you much luck.