Jump to content

The other side

Guest dangermouse

By Guest dangermouse
in Just signed up? Say hello here!

 Share

Recommended Posts

Guest dangermouse

Guest dangermouse

Posted
Posted

Hi. I dated an HSV+ woman for 18 months. It's a two-person voyage. Thought maybe some people might like to hear about what it's like from the partner's side.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
getonwithlife Honeycomb Member

getonwithlife

Posted
Posted

It is good to hear the other side

I was on the other side before myself. I dated a guy/had sex for 6 months before he told me he had it. :( He had known he had it for 18 years. Told me after I finished giving him oral sex. We continued dating for another 6 but I felt I couldn't trust him. I didn't get it. My next partner had it, too. I know the stastics are high and figured better to know and be careful than meet someone and not know. Two in a row seemed pretty stastically relevant to me since I have had 3 partners in 11 years. I knowingly continued dating him and had sex with him. I dated him for 6 months before I eventually got it, but I did get it. He dumped me during my first outbreak while I couldn't go to work for 5 days because the symptoms were so bad. Here I am now. Don't mean to be a downer about it. I knew the risks and got it. Wondering why I went forward the 2nd time and why anyone would do it. I forgot my reasons. These guys were both jerks.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest dangermouse

Guest dangermouse

Posted
Posted

So you and I both made the decision to continue in a relationship with someone who told us they had HSV. I think I did it because love overwhelmed me to start with. You too?

The thing is, that initial infatuation always fades and if I had the chance to get back together with her, it is possible my decision to do so would be affected by the HSV, even though I am more educated (and so less frightened) about it than I was at the time.

Unless of course I catch HSV in the meantime. HSV- people tend to think of HSV+ people as similar to other categories of people like "gay people", "French people"... whereas in fact we can all become HSV+ at any time...

Link to comment
Share on other sites
startingover Honeycomb Member

startingover

Posted
Posted

dangermouse: I am enjoying reading your posts because in many ways we seem to be similar. My friend who told me last week about his H resurfaced today and although we chatted for about an hour, no mention was made of it or us but instead talked about his child custody battle and my divorce. We didn't make any plans to see one another again but I was so relieved to hear from him because it seemed that immediately after his disclosure, he ran. I think he was rejecting me before I would have the chance to reject him. However, once I made it clear that I wasn't rejecting him, he was more like himself.

It is heartbreaking to think of so many people with it thinking they are undeserving of love and affection which is why I am so desperate about wanting to know how I can be intimate with my friend without risking contracting H. Candidly, I don't know that I could be as strong as so many people on this site who do have it.

Apart from condoms and suppressive therapy, is there anything you can suggest that may further protect me from contracting H in case my friend and I begin to see one another again? I also have been thinking about whether how much of what I am feeling for him is infatuation and how much is genuine heartfelt affection. However, your 18 month relationship without contracting H is giving me hope because until I know for sure where this is going, I am still frightened of the risk. Thanks for your time.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest dangermouse

Guest dangermouse

Posted
Posted
Apart from condoms and suppressive therapy' date=' is there anything you can suggest that may further protect me from contracting H in case my friend and I begin to see one another again? I also have been thinking about whether how much of what I am feeling for him is infatuation and how much is genuine heartfelt affection. However, your 18 month relationship without contracting H is giving me hope because until I know for sure where this is going, I am still frightened of the risk. Thanks for your time.[/quote']

Well, I don't know how effective it is, but you could consider (i) making sure you have no cuts yourself before sex (healthy human skin is the first defence against herpes) (ii) using loads of lubricant to reduce the risk of cutting/tearing your skin during sex (iii) and maybe washing up with soap afterwards (in a relaxed manner, of course!) since soap kills the herpes virus (is that right ouch?). None of which I did, actually.

When I say "consider", I mean discuss them with a professional (which I am not) - pop in to an STD clinic, I'm sure they will be refreshed to see someone come in and ask about prevention.

There are no guarantees though: I noted that getonwithlife and I both entered relationships knowing the partner had HSV, and while I was not infected, she was. One of her posts said: "I knew the risks and got it. Wondering why I went forward the 2nd time and why anyone would do it. I forgot my reasons. These guys were both jerks." Maybe she would be a good person for you to contact to get another perspective.

As for the question: is it love? Well, I have to be honest, I think it's always infatuation at the beginning, and you can't actually know whether it will turn into love for a good while. He may be the one, but he may not be! If only we had crystal balls... :wink:

Link to comment
Share on other sites
getonwithlife Honeycomb Member

getonwithlife

Posted
Posted

Hey -

Sorry to be negative about things.

With this, you go back and forth on how you feel often (good days and bad days). I know I could have just as easily gotten it from someone that didn't tell me about it, first. So, I went into things knowing, and you sometimes have to give things a chance in any relationship, otherwise they definitely won't work.

I'm just feeling sad because I just recently got "nicely" rejected for the first time from someone. I'm in the "Should I call him?" and keep trying mode, or give up and move on - the give things a chance or run. I do wish there was a crystal ball. It is exhausting to keep thinking about this. :(

Link to comment
Share on other sites
anie Honeycomb Member

anie

Posted
Posted

geton - - I don't mean to add to your negativity, but why would you give that person the opportunity to reject you a second time. If he wants to call you, he has your number. You deserve better than him.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
getonwithlife Honeycomb Member

getonwithlife

Posted
Posted

Thanks for the support!

Anie -

Thanks. I just saw this a second ago, but I came to the same conclusion last night. Didn't call and am not calling again. Moving right along. :roll: Keeping busy.

This rejection thing has had positive effects. I found this site, revealed to a friend who confided that she and her husband have it, and has just made me realize how common this is. I am feeling better about it.

I don't want to go out and advertise my problem, but I feel like people need to insist that there is better sex ed out there for kids in school. I had no idea that H was so common until a year ago, and I've been sexually active for 15 years. Crazy! :shock:

Link to comment
Share on other sites
anie Honeycomb Member

anie

Posted
Posted

geton - - I agree with you so far as providing better sex ed. Its crazy what you really don't know until you're forced to learn something new. So far as your moving on is concerned, good for you! ***hugs*** Know that we're here for you!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
 Share
Go to topic listing

  • Donate

    If Honeycomb has helped you, please help us by making a donation so we can provide you with even better features and services.

  • The Hive is Thriving!

    • Total Topics
      72k
    • Total Posts
      485.5k

  • Posts

    • CHT
      HSV genital likely?

      By CHT · Posted

      Hello "FeelingLost".... your fears and concerns are understandable but, nothing you've described regarding the sexual encounter would cause you to contract herpes.... further, your symptoms are not herpes related.  Best of all, your doctor is correct, your results don't show any herpes here.  You can relax.... definitely have your GP take a look at things and see what might be causing the symptoms but, again, none of them are typical herpes related.  I wish you the best in terms of talking to your wife about this encounter.... hopefully she will understand and you both can work through this amicably.  We all make mistakes.... be careful not to beat yourself up too hard over this.... you can become so racked with guilt that you start imagining physical symptoms.  Best of luck.... and take care..... come back to the site if you have questions.
    • FeelingLost75
      HSV genital likely?

      By FeelingLost75 · Posted

      Hi (I’m really scared and feel really disappointed in myself and worried about my future), I had oral sex with a condom almost 3 weeks ago and a massage parlor. I also received a hand job at the same time prior to putting a condom on, also may have rubbed my penis on her back a little. Did not touch her genitals I don’t recall any sores on her back. After the event she handed me a pice of TP and after I took off the condom I wiped my penis head to clear away the excess ejaculation…this is where I suspect I got infected, she had just gone pee and wiped and maybe touched a sore or something and then I got it on my penis from the tp? Idk. I’m just flailing.   After this I’ve had discomfort on the skin below the head of my penis and 4 bumps for 2 weeks now, the bumps don’t seem to have changed in size. I also had frequent urination for about a week and have had dull pain in my groin on and off. I also have some pins and needles on the sides of my abdomen/trunk that get worse when I go out in the heat or get dehydrated. I’ve had a lot of trouble sleeping, likely due to guilt and shame and worry about the future.   so I got one test done at 10 days from the event (idk know if this can tell me anything… the doctor assured me it was 100% correct and I don’t have herpes. I was not physically examined). I got a full panel std. neg for everything. HSV-1 results: IgG 0.3 / HSV-2 IgG 0.9 hsv-1 IgM = 2.2 hsv-2 IgM = 3.0 (Reference V. Negative: Less than 9.0 Borderline: 9.0 to 11.0 Positive: Greater than 11.0) I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday, hoping he can help. Will likely go to a std testing service tomorrow to see if I can get in an antiviral proactively. Plan to get tested again this week.    
    • TS4real
      HSV-2 transmission under Valtrex daily therapy. Hopeful a healthy sex life is possible? Thx for sharing!

      By TS4real · Posted

      Out of curiosity, did you take valtrex at the very first OB?
    • FeelingLost75
      Tell me your symptoms

      By FeelingLost75 · Posted

      How are you doing now?
    • TS4real
      GHSV1 has be going crazy

      By TS4real · Posted

      May 13 ( day I will never forget).. a guy I was dating and I drank way to much and decided to have anal sex. We did use protection however, not enough lube, wasn’t done correctly and it was painful. So bad that I yelled out and fell off the bed. Anyway, oral was also performed on me anal and vaginal. Flash forward to 3-4 days after that. I was in the most intense pain I had ever felt. I went to a gyn she tool one look and said it looks like herpes. She swabbed me . 2 days after that, yes it’s HSV1 . I was still in pain, irritated anal area and vaginal area and It was unbearable.  today, I still have irritation and itchy and when I pass a bowel i’m in pain and the itch is crazy.     When I first was diagnoses the gyn gave me valtrex which I did not take bc I was in so much pain I could not move for 2 days.  Groin lymphs were swollen I had fever , tired etc.  I am wondering if I had taken the valtrex would it have kinda liked stopped the virus in it’s tracks enough to reproduce? Do people see a correlation between no more outbreaks and immediate initial valtrex  use ? I am 43, I never thought this wound happen as I am not a promiscuous person, I hardly date and I always use protection when I do have intercouse , have yearly std tests. I’m just so sad that i’m at this point right now . I’m trying not to get depressed but this is making my body feel miserable. I’m an avid runner and biker and mom of two teens. I feel like my life as I knew is over. I want to feel better already.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.

  I accept